Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Bin Laden Determined to Strike America

August 6, 2001. President George W. Bush attends a conference with National Security Advisor Condi Rice and representatives of several intelligence agencies to be briefed about a threat to America. These representatives of the nation's intelligence services brief the President, at this Presidential Daily Briefing (PDB), that Osama bin Laden is planning to strike America, and furthermore that he plans to hijack an airliner. At the end of it, Dear Leader tells the intelligence agents "Okay, you've covered your butts now" and goes on vacation. No action is taken to tighten surveillance on known al Qaeda agents or tighten security at airports.

On September 11, 2001, four jet airliners are hijacked and three of them are flown into buildings while one, apparently after a struggle with passengers, is crashed into a field. Over 2,000 Americans die.

It continues to mystify me why 1/4th of the nation still continues to insist that George W. Bush exhibits leadership, when it has been clear for over six years that nothing of the sort is true. Dear Leader's notion of leadership is to go on vacation. It's the only thing he knows how to do, apparently, he has spent over 20% of his Presidency on vacation. While any normal President would have sounded alarm bells at a briefing stating that a known enemy of America who had killed hundreds of Americans over the past five years was planning to strike again, and would have ordered the nation's security apparatus to locate and neutralize the threat, George W. Bush... went on vacation.

I don't agree with the 9/11 conspiracy freaks who think that surely no President could be so incompetent thus he must have known that 9/11 was coming and thus 9/11 was an inside job. This President has proven too many times that yes, he really is that incompetent. Still, I know where they're coming from. That level of arrogance, stupidity, and incompetence simply is hard to believe. Too many people, still, would rather believe that their President is an evil machiavellian mass murderer of Americans than that he's, well, a fuckin' moron. Well, except for the 27% of True Believers, who apparently lack the brain mass that God gave a housecat and think that going on vacation is decisive action against America's enemies...

-- Badtux the Reminiscing Penguin

Just another li'l node in Blue Gal's PDB Blogswarm

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Posted by: BadTux / 8/06/2007 09:44:00 PM  2 comments  

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Mitt Romney: Terrorist

As some of you know, I subscribe to World Nut Daily's news flashes so that you don't have to. In the latest news flash, I learned an interesting thing: Mit Romney is a terrorist supporter.

See, Mitt Romney sez that the way to get those darkies overseas to love us is to, like, be nice to them. Give them money to buy food and clothes. Build bridges and water treatment plants and roads for them. Open up health clinics and schools for them. That kinda thing. Like Hezbollah does. But any real Republican knows that darkies don't understand it when you're nice to them. The only thing darkies understand is force. That's why Hezbollah is so popular in Lebanon, because they kill so many Lebanese. Uhm, except they don't. They give the Lebanese people free food, run a construction company that builds bridges and houses for them, and so forth. Which darkies view as weakness and thus view you as someone to disdain if you do that kinda stuff for them. Which is why Hezbollah so unpopular in Lebanon. Except they aren't. WAH! Mommy, logic is making my Republican head hurt, make it stop, WAH!

So anyhow, the Mitster stuck his foot into his mouth. But never fear. I'm sure that, like with abortion, universal health insurance, gay marriage, and other such issues where the Mitster believed one thing before he believed another, next week he'll believe that the proper way to deal with those darkies overseas is to bomb and kill them, just like all good Republicans believe. Because, after all, being nice just isn't as much fun. Even if it actually works at gaining friends, unlike the bomb'em to the stone age thingy, but hey, he's a Republican. Logic? BWahahahhah!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 8/02/2007 07:55:00 PM  3 comments  

Monday, July 30, 2007

How to reduce # of food quality problems

Putrid seafood. Lead-tainted candy. E. coli tainted spinach. You've probably heard about the rash of food quality problems that have occurred recently. There's been a lot of mention of them in the press and all that. But never fear, the Bush Administration has a sure-fired plan to solve the problem of reports of bad food quality, a sure-fired plan sure to reduce the # of food quality problems: Shut down labs testing for food quality problems.

This is typical response action for the Busheviks and their ilk, of course. It's sort of like their ranting about the "liberal media" reporting on the chaos that is Iraq. The problem there isn't that jihadis are blowing up car bombs all over the place, Shia militias are drilling holes in the heads of Sunni women and children, etc. Nope, the problem is that the nasty ole' "liberal media" is reporting on all that. Why, if we didn't know it was happening, it wouldn't be happening! And similarly, if we don't know that our food supply is tainted and putrid, why, it wouldn't happen!

"That's not the way the world really works anymore," he continued. "We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality—judiciously, as you will—we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do." Talk about channeling O'Brien talking to Winston Smith in the basement of the Ministry of Love...

Of course, that's not how the world really works. Those of us in the reality-based community know that the jihadis will continue blowing the shit out of Shia whether it's reported or not, and that food will continue to be putrid whether a lab detects it or not. But then, we're not POTUS and thus us knowing this reality is irrelevant...

-- Badtux the Reality-based Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 7/30/2007 03:29:00 PM  4 comments  

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Nightmare #25927

One of the issues the Republican crime syndicate faces is that they lose their magic Get Out Of Jail Free Card on January 20, 2009, when George W. Bush hands over the keys of his office to Hillary Clinton and a Democratic congress can then throw the whole lot of them in jail without them getting pardoned by Gee Dubya.

Which brings up the odd habit that Democratic candidates have of dying in suspicious plane crashes. Now, as we all know, George W. Bush is actually just the front man for the crime family currently running the United States. The "face", so to speak, of the con worked against the American people. Dick Cheney wears the pants in that family. So replacing him with another "face" in 2008 who is capable of working that Get Out Of Jail Free thingy would be just fine with them. Right now, it looks like that actor dude with the 20-year-younger wife who likes displaying her melons, since the other candidates are flaming out (they just don't have the right acting credits to be the face for the con). But really, it doesn't matter. Whoever it is, the crime syndicate will be working his levers.

Problem is, he's going to lose the election. Unless... unless Hillary Clinton and her running mate, Bill Richardson, die in yet another of the suspicious plane crashes that have killed or simply "disappeared"so many Democratic candidates over the decades.

Then the question becomes: what happens if the Democratic candidates die between getting the nomination, and election day? Does that mean we get the kind of election that Saddam Hussein liked to hold, where there was only one real candidate on the ballot -- Saddam? Except in this case, we get Fred Thompson or Julie Annie as our one and only candidate?

Whoever wins the Democratic nomination, I suggest that they don't fly after the nominating convention. Or drive, if driving in anything less than an armored infantry fighting vehicle with their own private security to protect the candidate from the Secret Service. Because the Rethuglicans really are starting to get worried about losing their Get Out Of Jail Free card... and one way the Party in corrupt thugocracies have always dealt with their political opponents is to see their opponents die in suspicious "accidents".

-- Badtux the Worried Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 7/25/2007 10:40:00 PM  3 comments  

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Random blinking

Overweight dude gets tired, falls down and can't get up, requires 40 volunteers to haul his lardy 500+ pound ass out of the river. Probably his ordeal was so horrendous that he just had to go over to McDonalds and eat a few dozen Big Macs to recuperate...

Senator David Vitter is a sexual hypocrite. Duh. He's a Republican. That's like saying "avian waterfowl" or "law-breaking criminal". It sorta goes with the territory, y'know?

Bush Administration VA Secretary hits the road. Something about failing to deal with the rash of brain-injured patients that have hit the VA's doors ever since the insurgents in Iraq figured out that rattling soldiers around with IED's scrambled their brains even worse than Dear Leader's cocaine-befuddled brain. How *dare* those disabled soldiers demand medical care after they come back from Dear Leader's little war for oil!

Harry Reid actually makes the Republicans go through with their filibuster threat in the Senate. Democrats go nap in their offices until the last filibustering Republican falls asleep and the Democrats can come back and call a vote on the legislation being blocked by the Republicans.

Republicans invent another fake Clinton scandal. Gosh, this has to be right up there with losing money in an Arkansas land deal on the bogosity meter of scandals...

Just a typical Tuesday in Bizarro World USA...

-- Badtux the Bizarre Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 7/17/2007 03:52:00 PM  7 comments  

Saturday, July 14, 2007

The blood of tyrants

Today is Bastille Day in France, a celebration of the overthrow of the French monarchy. Here is a song which celebrates the overthrow of tyrants. It is the French national anthem. Please go read the English translation of the lyrics and come back.





. Okay, you're back. So what do you think? Suitably bloodthirsty? Not exactly your typical national anthem, eh, what with all that bit about bloodthirsty ripping of babes out of wombs and such.

Some say that we need our own Bastille Day to overthrow the tyrants who control our nation (who, I might add, are not our elected officials -- they are, for the most part, puppets of the real rulers of our nation, the wealthy elite that prefers to work behind the scenes). The problem is what happens next. Once a people becomes accustomed to blood, there is no end to the blood. Rule of law is over, and rule of gun is the only rule. The end result, typically, is that the worst amongst us come out on top -- those with the least morals, the most willingness to kill upon the slightest whim, the least consideration for the least amongst us.

For the French, the result of overthrowing the monarchy led inevitably to Napoleon, who killed millions during his quest to conquer Europe, including over a million Frenchmen whose lives he threw away. While it would certainly be satisfying to take the puppet George W. Bush to the gallows and stretch his neck, and past that point take all the rulers of America and stretch their necks -- Richard and Helen DeVos, the Olin family, the Bradley family, the Scaife family, etc. -- then what? That road inevitably leads down the same road that the garroting of the French royal family led down -- blood, misery, and millions of dead.

One of the geniuses of our founding fathers is that, by and large, they did not massacre the supporters of the English monarchy once the pro-monarchy forces lost and American independence was secured. Instead, they exiled those supporters to Canada. There was no bloodbath on American soil outside the blood of soldiers. Perhaps, if we are forced to fight a new war of independence against a new monarchy, that would be a reasonable solution for dealing with our own monarchs. Except instead of sending them to Canada (which undoubtedly would not want them), I have a much better idea. Send them to Iraq. Naked. With no possessions. No servants. No soldiers or guards. Drop them naked and alone into the middle of the Sadr City suburb of Baghdad. Hey, if it was good enough for our founding fathers... oh wait, I forget, our founding fathers didn't ship the supporters of monarchy naked to Canada. They tarred and feathered them first. Hmm... stock tip: buy stock in feather companies.

-- Badtux the History Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 7/14/2007 11:19:00 PM  6 comments  

The guerilla in defeat

Over on Lucky White Girl, the blog proprietor waxes nostalgic about the modern anti-globalization movement, which has proven capable of mustering 10,000 guerillas to take on the Borg-like forces of globalized mercantilism (I call it mercantilism rather than capitalism because government-enforced "capitalism" which takes the wealth of nations and gives it to a privileged few via government-enforced oligopolies is nothing of the sort). She exults over its decentralized nature, its lack of central leaders that can be taken out to destroy the movement, their resilience in the face of overwhelming opposition from the forces of globalized mercantilism. The thing is, by comparing her movement to a guerilla movement, she is admitting that it has been defeated.

Look, nobody fights a guerilla war if they don't have to. The only people who fight guerilla wars are the losers. If you can take on an opposing army in a straight-up battle, that's what you do. In Vietnam, the NVA resorted to guerilla tactics not because said tactics were effective. They resorted to guerilla tactics because every time they fought a straight-up battle against the U.S. Army, they got their butt kicked.

"But the U.S. lost in Vietnam!" I hear you say. No. The U.S. left Vietnam. The U.S. left Vietnam because there was no compelling national interest for the U.S. to be in Vietnam. North Vietnam never posed a security threat to the United States, and lacking such a security threat, there simply was insufficient rationale to forever station half a million troops on the other side of the world at enormous expense. Reality is that no guerilla army has ever defeated a professional army using guerilla tactics, and never will. All that guerillas can do is provide pinpricks in the side of a professional army, pinpricks which are painful but not life-threatening by any means. Over time, such pin-pricks can motivate the professional army to go elsewhere, much as the pin-pricks of a thousand flying mosquitos can send a troop of Boy Scouts to the shelter of a screened-in cabin, but the notion of a guerilla defeating a standing army is ridiculous. The Viet Mihn which defeated the French Foreign Legion at Dien Bien Phu were not a guerilla army. They did not use guerilla tactics against the French. They were a regular army, equipped with artillery and anti-aircraft cannon, using regular military tactics against an opposing army.

The very fact that you use guerilla tactics is an admission of weakness, because if you had the strength, you would mount a full-scale assault using conventional tactics. But in this particular war, the mercantilists have all the weapons. They control a vast right-wing propaganda machine that has propagandized millions of brownshirts to enforce political conformity amongst wide swathes of the population. The anti-globalism activists reach hundreds of thousands with their tactics. The VRWC reaches millions every single night, every day of the week. And furthermore, the mercantilists can't be pinpricked into leaving the way that the Americans were pinpricked into leaving Vietnam. They were born here. They live here. They have much self-interest in perpetuating their rule over the United States, a rule which is very profitable. They're not going anywhere.

Does this mean the situation is hopeless? Probably not. It is starting to dawn upon the more brilliant of the mercantilists that pure mercantilistic oppression of the masses is probably not in their best interests. A kinder, gentler rule works better in the long run because it keeps the sheep contented and on the farm where they can be more easily fleeced than if they jumped the fences due to harsh conditions. The pinpricks of the anti-mercantilism activists, while not particularly hurting these people, have the potential to grow into something larger if the masses are oppressed harder, and heading off a potential adversary at the pass before he has mobilized his full forces is always a wise thing to do. So while this movement will never win, the very fact that it exists brings some unpleasant facts to the fore that our ruling class had unwisely forgotten. But, as with Vietnam, in the end the decision will be made by our ruling class, not by "we the people", who do not rule this nation and have not ruled this nation since the day it was born (unless by "we the people" you mean a wealthy elite, or, as George W. Bush puts it, "my constituency, the haves and the have-mores"). Our noise is important in leading them towards making a wise choice, but in the end, we will no more defeat the mercantilists using guerilla tactics than the North Vietnamese Army defeated the U.S. Army using guerilla tactics. At best, we're a nuisance. Which, in the end, may be good enough.

-- Badtux the Movement Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 7/14/2007 12:00:00 AM  4 comments  

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Outrage fatigue

I suppose I could post some outraged screed about how Dear Leader believes in that "rule of law" thingy only when it's a Democrat who gets convicted. But really, are we at all surprised that he pardoned his buddy Scooter? I had already predicted, months before, that Scooter Libby wouldn't serve a day in jail. Because Dear Leader simply does not care. He done been electorated, señors and señoritas. And short of impeachment, which ain't happenin' as long as eleven Republicans don't bolt to the Democratic Party in the Senate (I am counting Joe Lieberman as a Republican), he ain't gettin' UN-electorated, so why should he care? Because of that "legacy" thing? Crap, his legacy done been shot to shit with that Iraq mess, which shall go down as the greatest strategic disaster in U.S. history. He done finished with that "legacy" thing. He just gets to sit in his Oval Office and go "heh heh heh" with that asinine smirk on his face for the rest of his term of office, no matter what, while watching his cronies rub their hands in glee over all the money they're looting from the Treasury while Dear Leader smirks.

In short, it's hard to get outraged over what's not a surprise. I'm just waiting for the bombs to start falling on Iran, myself. I figure that it'll be in October of next year, shortly before the elections. Either then, or December of next year immediately after a Democrat has been elected to the Presidency, just to fuck over his successor -- nevermind that it'd be a disaster for the nation, Dear Leader don't give a shit about the nation, all he cares about is spite and profit for himself and his cronies.

- Badtux the Tired Penguin


Posted by: BadTux / 7/04/2007 11:44:00 AM  6 comments  

The Pledge of Allegiance

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United Corporate States of America. And to the Walmart for which it stands, one corporation, under Manna, with Chinese-slave-produced cheap shit for all.

Happy 4th of July, y'all. And oh, that other flag? Well, that one represents an idea and a nation that's been mostly deceased for the last 42 years, ever since That Bastard LBJ lied us into another senseless war against brown people for reasons that nobody can really understand.

-- Badtux the Cynical Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 7/04/2007 07:42:00 AM  0 comments  

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Rudy's S.C. campaign director really blows

Cocaine, that is. Seems that prominent Republican and South Carolina Treasurer Thomas Ravenel thought that the laws about cocaine possession and distribution didn't apply to him because, like, he's a millionaire and stuff. Which makes him just another typical Republican office-holder nowdays, who believes the law applies only to the "little people", not to the elite like them.

-- Badtux the Politics Penguin


Posted by: BadTux / 6/20/2007 01:36:00 PM  2 comments  

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

The Revival Meeting

One of the rational conservatives out there, John Cole, reports that a lot of prominent evangelicals and a token Mormon got together last night to discuss theology and the Bible. This prayer meeting was apparently televised nationally (darn, I'm going to have to get my television out of the closet one of these days!) and addressed important issues such as the Big Bang Theory vs. the Biblical account of creation, the importance of the salvation brought to Man by Jesus Christ, etc.

Oh wait, that wasn't a prayer meeting... that was the Republican presidential candidates' debate. Because, after all, we must have our priorities straight. The Iraq war, health care crisis, collapsing immigration system, national debt, global warming, well, those are all trivial things. The important thing for Presidential candidates to debate is whether the Genesis account of Creation is 100% factual or not. Just as the important thing for Byzantine intellectuals to debate in the 8th and 9th century was iconoclasm, not the fact that the Muslims were whipping their butt on the Anatolian frontier. Remember, what's important in a Presidential candidate is not how he handles worldly concerns like, say, how to secure our borders. As with the Byzantine emperor in the 9th century, securing the borders isn't important. How a politician handles religious arguments... why, that's the important thing, not how well he handles running the country, y'know?

As the Byzantine Empire went, so goes ours...

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 6/06/2007 12:56:00 PM  6 comments  


Bush's Poodle makes one last-ditch effort to get some kind of payback from Bush for his loyalty, in an effort to avoid being forever known as Bush's Poodle.

Ah yes, poor Tony Blair. Only a few weeks left in office, and desperate to somehow reclaim his "legacy". You just know that his gravestone is going to have a single word on it:


As for the thought of the Petulant One actually granting Blair his boon? Bwahahaha! Look, we're talking about a man who drops his dogs like rocks. Tony Blair is going down like Barney the Presidential Terrier. Except in Tony the Poodle's case, he doesn't even get to look at cute softball chicks on the way down...

But hey, I'm sure Dear Leader will give Tony the Poodle a Presidential Medal of Freedom and a hearty "Heckuva job, Tony!" for his troubles. ARF!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin


Posted by: BadTux / 6/06/2007 09:22:00 AM  4 comments  

Friday, June 01, 2007

White Power!

Left: Bill O'Reilly shows off his new suit

Bill O'Reilly shows off his nifty white bedsheet:

"McCain and O’Reilly, white power virtuosos:

O’REILLY: But do you understand what the New York Times wants, and the far-left want? They want to break down the white, Christian, male power structure, which you’re a part, and so am I, and they want to bring in millions of foreign nationals to basically break down the structure that we have."

Because, y'know, white males are 36% of the population, yet 79% of the Senate, so they're obviously an oppressed minority and besides, we gotta keep the darkies and uppity wimmins in their place, yassah!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 6/01/2007 07:58:00 PM  7 comments  

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

On the "incompetence" of Bush

George W. Bush does a passable imitation of a moron. But is he?

A bit of history here. I lived through the Reagan administration. The administration of Ronald Reagan was one of the most corrupt in our nation's history. This was an era of $500 hammers and $2 billion dollar bombers. More Reagan Administration officials were convicted of high crimes and misdemeanors than even Nixon officials.

Yet none of this seemed to stick to Reagan personally. Why? Because he projected the image of the affable moron to the general public. When Ronald Reagan appeared before Congress and replied "I don't recall" time after time when asked questions about breaking the law against sending money to a bunch of Somoza's drug-running goons called "Contras" by the Reaganites, everybody just shook their head and sighed. Because they believed him. Surely he was just too senile, too genial an old fool, to have anything to do with planning something so vile and evil as financing the drug dealers who brought the crack cocaine epidemic to Los Angeles?

Thing is, Reagan really wasn't that senile. Oh sure, he wasn't a detail man by any means. But on the important things, he was notorious for listening to everybody's input, then making a decision that showed he had a firmer grasp on the big picture than anybody else in that room. For example, when the U.S. involvement in the Lebanese Civil War on behalf of Israel caught U.S. troops in the crossfire and a couple hundred U.S. Marines got blown to smithereens, Reagan told the Israelis, "Screw you, you're not worth one dead American" and pulled the Marines out and let the Israelis and Syrians figure it out. He had an firm grasp of the big picture -- that there wasn't a single U.S. interest being served by having American troops in Lebanon -- and yanked the troops out (after running a few raids to "punish" Hamas, and shelling the heck out of the Muslim suburbs with 16" shells from a U.S. battleship).

Yet because he played the genial fool, he literally got away with murder. When he died, nobody brought up the fact that he had one of the most corrupt Republican administration since the days of Ullyses S. Grant. They just remembered the genial old cowboy who was a nice old dude. So here's a question: Is Bush really as incompetent and stupid as he seems? Or is this just another Reagan-style act to avoid being prosecuted for the crimes of his subordinates (e.g. obstruction of justice by Alberto Gonzales, illegally wiretapping Americans without FISA approval, etc.)?

-- Badtux the Interested Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 5/30/2007 10:22:00 PM  6 comments  

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

No more F.U.'s

Thomas L. Friedman of "Friedman Unit" fame isn't talking in F.U.'s anymore. He's talking in alarm. Says Tommy boy in his latest screed:
Here's the sad truth: 9/11, and the failing Iraq war, have sucked up almost all the oxygen in this country -- oxygen needed to discuss seriously education, health care, climate change, and competitiveness. So right now, it's mo stly governors talking about these issues, but there is so much they can do without washington being focused and leading.

Which is why we've got to bring our occupation of Iraq to an end in the quickest, least bad way possible -- otherwise we are going to lose Iraq and America. It's coming down to that choice.

What? No Friedman Unit? Hmm. Even F.U. Tommy is now waking up to the unmitigated disaster that the Bushevik crusade for oil in the Middle East has become for America... and it ain't just because our soldiers are dying over there that it's a disaster.

-- Badtux the Observant Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 5/29/2007 03:18:00 PM  5 comments  

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The Vietnamization of Iraq

One of the things I've done in my past is teach special education. One of the pitfalls of special education that we were trained to carefully watch for was "learned helplessness". Children could get addicted to the attention they got from being helpless, and genuinely become helpless. We were taught never to do for children what they could do for themselves, even if they did it very badly and with much effort.

Looking at the events of the last two years of the Republic of South Vietnam, I am reminded of that training. For almost ten years, American soldiers had fought along side of and in place of South Vietnamese soldiers. For almost ten years, American air power, American maintenance resources, American logistical transport resources, American Herky birds and choppers, and, most importantly, American leadership, had been available to the South Vietnamese government. Now those were gone, a casualty of Richard Nixon's failing presidency and a hostile Congress. Yet... yet... the South Vietnamese just kept along the same way they'd been keeping along, as if the Americans would intervene and bail them out yet again. And when the Americans didn't, in early 1975, then President Thieu swiftly fled the country with most of the South Vietnamese treasury packed in his luggage and bitterly blamed the Americans for "betraying" South Vietnam.

But did America "betray" South Vietnam?

Much is made of the fact that South Vietnam had only half the number of tanks that North Vietnam had when North Vietnam invaded. But South Vietnam had a significant and powerful Air Force that could -- and did -- offset that numerical disadvantage in tanks. Tanks are necessary for offense, but as defensive weapons they're not as useful. Much is made of the fact that major formations of the ARVN literally ran out of ammunition. But in many cases that was because of logistical issues caused by poor decisions on the part of the South Vietnamese government, rather than because of lack of ability to buy bullets.

In the end, South Vietnam had the means to resist the 1975 invasion. They had fewer means than the North Vietnamese had, but they had more compared to North Vietnam than the Confederacy had compared to the Union during the American Civil War, and the Confederacy successfully prevented the Union from capturing their capital for four long years of continuous warfare with no significant outside assistance. What they lacked was the mentality. They were still expecting the Americans to bail them out all the way to the end. In the meantime, the North Vietnamese were proudly pointing out that not a single Soviet or Chinese soldier fought on their side during the entire war. As a result, once the NVA was re-equipped with modern weapons by the Soviet Union, they knew how to put them to effective use. They weren't waiting for anybody to bail them out. They were going to war, and they were going to war to win.

In the long term, South Vietnam was doomed anyhow. Logistics in South Vietnam was always a nightmare due to settlement patterns -- the majority of South Vietnamese were either stretched along the coast or in the Mekong delta, leaving the sparsely-populated central highlands as an easy avenue for infiltration of major NVA military units capable of striking at Highway 1 and cutting off the northern regions of the country from the southern regions. Furthermore, South Vietnam had a smaller population than North Vietnam. But in the long term, we're all dead. In the long term, Israel is doomed for similar reasons, but Israel has successfully held off multiple invasions by numerically superior and often better-armed forces during the course of its existence, and if South Vietnam had possessed the proper mentality, they could have done so too. But they did not. Ten years of American assistance had trained them in learned helplessness -- had taught them that they were helpless without American assistance. When the request for massive B-52 bombing along the lines of what ended the 1972 NVA invasion was turned down by Congress, the streets of Saigon were swiftly lined with the cast-off uniforms and rifles of ARVN soldiers who literally ran for home in their underwear, and South Vietnam collapsed.

What brings this to mind is what's going on with the Iraqi Army. The ARVN was actually quite effective against an invasion just as bad as the 1975 invasion while led by American military advisors in 1972 and given massive bombing assistance from hundreds of B-52's flying round-the-clock bombing missions. General Abrams proudly proclaimed that the policy of Vietnamization was a success. Well, it was a success while ARVN soldiers were being lead by American leaders, and while American logistical supply trains were keeping bullets in the guns of ARVN soldiers, and American bombers were dropping tens of thousands of tons of bombs onto NVA heads. But at least it was ARVN fighting and dying by the thousands, not American GI's.

In Iraq, there isn't even an attempt at that kind of Iraqization. Most American soldiers in Iraq are conducting combat operations, not leading Iraqi troops. Most military operations have American soldiers fighting and dying, not Iraqi soldiers. President Thieu of South Vietnam at least held his capital city up until the last day of the war. Can anybody say that the Iraqi government controls Baghdad, when American soldiers are still being killed there and major portions of the city are "Indian country"? While you could get mugged in Saigon in 1971, it really wasn't that dangerous for an American soldier to walk around the city with a few of his friends. Any armed civilian you ran into almost 100% certainly was one of Thieu's very effective secret police. In Baghdad, if you see an armed civilian there is a 50-50 chance that he's an insurgent and is about to kill you, and in certain areas that certainty rises to 100%. If Iraq is Vietnam on crack, the effectiveness of the Iraqi army and police forces is Vietnam on methamphetamines. If learned helplessness were water, Iraq would be drowning in it.

South Vietnam's government fell because, unlike Israelis, the South Vietnamese had become accustomed to being bailed out by the Americans and literally didn't know what to do when the Americans were gone. Iraq's government will fall for the same reason -- but much faster. Vietnam on crack. No kiddin'. When will we ever learn that giving too much help can be worse than giving no help at all? How many Americans fought on Israel's side in the 1973 war? How many Soviets fought on North Vietnam's side in the 1975 invasion? Who won? Hmm?

-- Badtux the History Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 5/22/2007 08:17:00 PM  9 comments  

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day

... and this apparently was World Nut Daily's time to be right -- about how the Busheviks are stripping Homeland Security in order to feed the Iraq quagmire.

Of course, it took them *years* to notice that the Busheviks were doing this, while those of us in Blogistan have been ranting about it since, well, since a few months after Mission Accomplished Day when it became apparent that the Busheviks weren't getting us out of Iraq anytime soon including all the firefighters and cops who were in the National Guard in Iraq instead of here protecting us. But hey, they're tighty righties. It takes a while for the thoughts to ooze around in their heads and get to where they can do some good. So let's give'em some slack, eh?

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
Note: yeah, just got home *again*. The treatise on behavior modification and the notions of "sin" and "redemption" is hereby delayed yet another day. Here, have a snark snack.

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Posted by: BadTux / 5/17/2007 08:51:00 PM  2 comments  

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


In a democracy, you may believe that it's the people who choose their leaders. But that notion is as quaint as the Geneva Conventions. In a democracy, who really chooses our leaders is... Rush Limbaugh.

Huh? Rush Limbaugh?

Yes, Rush Limbaugh. (Warning, link goes to World Nut Daily, you may wish to wear surgical gloves and mask and place a condom over your computer before clicking).

Methinks that Rush's happy happy penis pills have been swelling his head, not his penis. What ya think?

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Note: Essay on sin delayed due to necessity to earn six-figure salary. Have a snark snack instead. Less filling! Tastes... uhm... like Viagra! Yeah!

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Posted by: BadTux / 5/16/2007 09:44:00 PM  10 comments  

Friday, May 04, 2007

Should we get the government we deserve?

H.L. Mencken once said of democracy, "Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard."

Well, in 2000 and 2004, that was pretty much true. (And spare me the silliness about the Busheviks "stealing" those elections... if the apathetic majority had really cared who was President, the only way the Busheviks could have "stole" those elections would have been at gunpoint). But in 2006 something odd happened: The common people changed their mind.

The result from the Busheviks has been... telling. Right-wing zealots who only months before had been touting the virtues of democracy are now showing their true colors as anti-democracy royalists. They want democracy only when the people vote for them. When the people do NOT vote for them, the right-wing zealots say "governing is too important to leave to the people!" and want to impose a military dictatorship.

Personally, I believe that the common people deserve to get what they want good and hard. They want lower taxes? Fine. They get what they want good and hard, in the form of collapsing government services, corrupt officials, disintegrating schools, and crumbling national infrastructure. Sooner or later the common people usually come to their senses and want something else good and hard. The same, unfortunately, is not true of dictators. Generally dictators just continue on their path until they destroy their country. Or as Winston Churchill once put it, "Democracy is the worst of all forms of government except all the others that have been tried." As for the Bushevics and the 27-percenters who still support them, I have only one question: Why do you hate democracy?

-- Badtux the Democratic Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 5/04/2007 12:48:00 PM  3 comments  

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

News bits 5/2/07

Veto? Duh!

Like the cranky old man said last week, George Bush communicated over a year ago that he would not get out of Iraq until he left office. Do we not believe him? So of course he vetoed the money for our troops. But compromise? There is no compromise possible here. The people of the United States want the U.S. out of Iraq. The Iraqi people want the U.S. out of Iraq. The only people who want the U.S. in Iraq are Iran, Osama bin Laden, and the Busheviks, all of whom find it quite profitable for their interests. Dear Leader already declared victory, why, he even held a big party on an aircraft carrier deck with a big banner saying Mission Accomplished in celebration back on May 1 2003, so the "declare victory" part of "declare victory and go home" is done, but Dear Leader is going to continue supporting his buddies in Iran and al Qaeda, because, well, because he's The Decider and the Decider Decides, yessirree... compromise? He won't compromise. Because the Decider doesn't compromise, the Decider Decides. (Cue that "heh heh heh" smirk ).

Los Angeles police attack TV news crews

A Telemundo TV news crew got their ass kicked yesterday by the Los Angeles Police Department, as a wall of riot police swept through where they were holding court and sent a news reporter and three camera operators to the hospital. That link also shows a Los Angeles policeman beating a Fox News camerawoman with his baton in a scene reminiscent of the Rodney King beat-down (except with more targets getting the beat-down). And of course the Mayor of Los Angeles and the LAPD chief say they're shocked, shocked I say that, well, not that a buncha darkies got beat down, but that it got caught on live television broadcasts and looks bad, if you parse between the lines. (And if you think nortenos like Mayor Villaraigosa care if illegals get beat down, you don't know anything about Hispanic culture, they view the illegals as rustic ignorant nobodies who are taking their jobs).

Your Papers, Please

The Real ID Act calls for a national security card to be implemented. The Department of Homeland Security has been charged with writing regulations about what that national security card should look like. Since DHS is run by Busheviks, they of course don't care about public opinion, but the law says they must gather public input prior to implementing their regulations, so they did a single perfunctory "townhall meeting" at U.C. Davis. At that meeting you had your normal folks out there, civil libertarians concerned about the fact that it's a national ID card, advocates for abused women concerned that P.O. boxes are no longer allowed to be on the card (what about people with no fixed address? Apparently they just, err, don't exist in Soviet America... will they be disappeared to gulags like in Soviet Russia?), advocates for the transgendered upset that their biological sex rather than their adopted sex will appear on the ID card, the director of the California DMV upset that it will force millions of Californians to unnecessarily line up at his offices for new driver's licenses that double as the new national ID card, you know, just the normal kooks and flakes. Hold it. The director of the California DMV??? Why does DMV Director George Valverde want to allow terrorists to swim across the Atlantic with knives in their teeth and sneak into our bedrooms and KILL US ALL ?! Obviously he needs to be deported back to where he came from, he obviously is a terrorist himself. I'm sure that people will welcome him back in his homeland of, err... Los Angeles? Huh. Obviously some kind of funny furriner land where folks ain't like us, like Tuvalu, Nauru, Andorra, and Palau. Why does Los Angeles hate America?

Welcome to Soviet America, comrade

Not that it matters, of course. See, here's how it works. The Decider decides. Or he tells his henchmen/cronies to decide. They then decide, and do whatever they decide. That's how it works, see? Public input? Err, you mean the same public that wants us out of Iraq, the same public that elected a Democratic congress to get us out of Iraq? The public is not the Decider in Soviet America, comrade. The Decider or his designated sub-deciders is the Decider. What part of "Decider" do you not understand?

-Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 5/02/2007 02:05:00 PM  6 comments  

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Random nonsense

Reminder: People are people. Good or evil doesn't depend on race, nationality, hair color, or economic status. On average, the typical backwoods aborigine in the furthest depths of the Amazon is no more or less noble than any other human being on the planet. Except neo-cons. But neo-cons, like the Sith, chose to go to the dark side. That free will thing.

Some Bible kiddy came around here and spit out a buncha verses that "prove" that Man is inherently evil. I pointed out that his verses weren't even 1/10th of 1% of the Bible and that a handful of verses out of context didn't mean diddly, but I'm not quite sure of that. Anyhow, it's not true. I've travelled all over this country and in a variety of places in the world, and people is people. Mostly apathetic, mostly self-absorbed and concerned only with whatever is happening in their own lives, true. But evil? No. To me, "evil" means that you actually go out of your way to do bad things. And I just have not met many people like that. And I've met a fair number of people who you probably would not want to invite home for dinner, given the fact that I taught in ghetto schools in two different locations. I've met misguided people. I've met stupid people. I've met people who will come to no good end. But I've met precious few people who actually go out of their way to do harm to others simply to do evil, and the one that I remember best is a neo-con "Christian" from Houston who was always ranting and railing about how he didn't want any of his tax money going to pay for schools for "niggers". (Yes, he used that word, at his own private dinner parties, one of which I attended in hopes of getting donations for the school I was teaching at). If the Bible appears to contradict reality, well, either the Bible is wrong or you are reading the Bible wrong. Pick your poison. If you're a Christian who believes the Bible is Truth, the only conclusion you can come to at that point is that your feeble human reading skills simply aren't capable of fetching God's truth out of text written in human language. If you're not a Christian, feel free to consider the Bible just another bunch of snake oil bunkum intended to seperate sheeple from their money.

Who the hell is Mike Gravel? Some cranky 77 year old who is running for President, apparently. He apparently had to take a city bus merely to get to the Washington Press Club to announce his candidacy. A Democrat of the old populist podium-pounding type. While I agree with some of his stuff, I'm not voting for him -- he's just too goddamned old. But he had some good quotes at the "debate" last week:

  • I got to tell you, we should just plain get out. Just plain get out. [... ] It’s [Iraq] their country. They’re asking us to leave, and we insist on staying there.
  • You know what’s worse than a soldier dying in vain? More soldiers dying in vain.
  • ... this war was lost the day that George Bush invaded Iraq on a fraudulent basis.
  • George Bush communicated over a year ago that he would not get out of Iraq until he left office. Do we not believe him? ... How do you get out? You pass the law, not a resolution, a law making it a felony to stay there.
  • This invasion brought about more terrorism. Osama bin Laden must have been rolling in his blankets, how happy he was, our invading Iraq.

And oh -- it's the Fourth Annual Mission Accomplished Day, where we declared victory in Iraq... and then didn't go home. Given that we won on May 1, 2003 -- why, The Decider even said we did -- why are we still in Iraq? Mike Gravel is right. We should just plain get out.

-- Badtux the Random Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 5/01/2007 10:56:00 AM  9 comments  

Saturday, April 28, 2007

At least it wasn't a dead girl or a live boy...

As the Bush administration's so-called "AIDS czar," Deputy Secretary of State Randall L. Tobias was criticized by some for emphasizing faithfulness and abstinence over condom use to prevent the spread of AIDS.

In a 2004 interview, Tobias explained his approach as "A and B and C. . . Abstinence works. 'Be faithful' works. Condoms work. They all have a role. But it's not a multiple choice, where there is only one answer."

Friday, Tobias resigned. Guess why. Oooh, a madam calls him as a witness in her prostitution trial! No sex, huh? This sounds a lot like someone who didn't inhale. I wonder if he was wearing a condom when he was doing this not-having-sex thingy?

Republicans. They talk all the time about how important it is to keep your dick in your pants, all the time that they're porking half the neighborhood and their neighbor's pets too. Then they whine and bend their knee and claim they're "saved". Bah humbug. People who make a big production of being "saved" are generally just goddamned liars. Real Christians know that salvation is what you do, not what you say. Or as the sayin' in Texas goes, if you're all hat, no cattle, don't bother calling yourself a real Texan. You're just a goddamned Connecticut Yankee pretending to be a Texan.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
From Andrew Sullivan via Balloon Juice

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/28/2007 08:37:00 PM  4 comments  

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

If our leaders don't lie, the terrorists win!

Jessica Lynch told Congress, "The bottom line is the American people are capable of determining their own ideals for heroes, and they don’t need to be told elaborate lies."

Silly girl. Everybody knows that if our leaders don't lie, the TERRORISTS WIN! And Little Baby Jesus will cry. Haven't you heard? Mayor Rudy says that if lying politicians can't be elected to office, another terrorist attack will happen. Because, you know, no terrorist attack has ever happened while a Republican President was in office, or while a Republican Mayor was in charge of New York city. And the only proper response to al Qaeda bombing the World Trade Center in 1993 was... uhm... moving the city's disaster management center into the World Trade Center? WTF?! But hey, none of that matters, because Mayor Rudy looks simply mahhhhvelous in pink... So remember, boys and girls. We must elect politicians that lie (especially politicians who look pretty in pink), or the terrorists will swim across the Atlantic Ocean with knives between their teeth, sneak into our bedrooms at night, and kill us all!!!!!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/25/2007 12:25:00 PM  3 comments  

Friday, April 20, 2007

A reminder of my position on abortion

That is, I don't have one. As a Libertarian I do not believe laws should be made unless there is an overwhelming consensus that something has to be done by the people who are affected by the laws. I am not affected by any law dealing with abortion because I'm male. I don't have a vagina. I cannot become pregnant. Duh. Case closed. If women as a whole decide that abortion is evil and should be outlawed, I will agree with them. Until that happens, I have no opinion that's relevant.

Some folks wonder, "what if someone is killing grown-up women, shouldn't there be a law against that?" Well duh. If you polled 100,000 people, 99,999 people would say "Yeah, there should be a law against that." There is an overwhelming consensus that a law is needed here. When it comes to abortion, there's no such consensus. Since as a Libertarian I believe no law should be passed unless pretty much everybody affected agrees that it's needed, I thus believe that government has no business passing any laws regarding abortion.

This isn't because of my opinion of abortion. Like I said, I don't have one. This is because of my opinion of law. I be agin' it. As a Libertarian I think laws should be passed only under certain very restricted circumstances -- i.e., pretty much everybody agrees that the law is needed -- and until the majority of women (the people affected) agree that a law is needed here, there should be no law.

-- Badtux the Libertarian Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/20/2007 05:41:00 PM  1 comments  

Bush hating: For the record

I am on record (in the USENET archives at saying, in November 2000, "What's the big deal with George W. Bush being elected? A moderate conservative is not some evil demon, and besides, he has all his Dad's old people to run things so things should be run pretty well." Sure, he was a draft dodger just like Bill Clinton (who I *also* did not vote for). Big freakin' deal.

The first 9 months of the Bush Administration were rather uninspired but so what? In my opinion, the fact that the government didn't do much during that 9 months was a feature, not a bug. Government should move slowly and only with a general consensus of the people, rather than precipitously and in ways that can cause real harm to many people. But then September 11, 2001 came. Then we got the so-called Patriot Act attacking America's freedoms and I started getting nervous. John Ashcroft going after sick people and girly magazines rather than after terrorists. Then an invasion of a country that had never attacked America and was no threat to America and Hans Blix's team had even verified that Iraq had no WMD at the time we invaded, had visited every possible factory that could be used to make WMD and found no 'there" there, but it didn't matter because Baby Bush had a hard-on about Saddam, and all I could say there is, "Well, I guess we're an empire now, let's hope the Bushies actually have a plan for the occupation that'll prevent an insurgency against American soldiers and a civil war between the Sunni and Shiites", after all that's why President George H.W. Bush had not sent the troops on to Baghdad, because there was no plan for dealing with the problems of occupation. Then the slowly dawning awareness that not only did they not have a plan, they even decried the notion that they needed a plan, until disaster slowly slipped upon us and the insurgency and civil war that George H.W. Bush had predicted in 1996 was upon us. Then Katrina, where the federal response was incompetent and days late and often kept real aid out due to bureaucratic bullcrap, like the line of Cajun fishermen pulling boats from Lafayette that were turned away by Homeland Security goons that could have saved hundreds of lives in the flooded-out streets of New Orleans.

It's not George W. Bush that I hate. Frankly, George W. Bush isn't worth hating. He's just another overpriviliged frat boy in over his head, like so many other overpriviliged frat boys that I met when I was in college. He's too pathetic to hate. What I hate is what he's doing to our nation. It's the bloody freepin' incompetence that I hate. It is the lying that I hate, such as the continued lies that we invaded Iraq to "disarm Saddam" when the U.N. inspection team of Hans Blix had already discovered (and Bush's hand-picked inspectors later verified) that Saddam had nothing worth disarming other than a few missiles with a 50-mile-too-long range. It is the spending money we don't have like a drunk sailor that I hate. I don't care that Bush's politics are not mine. What I care about is the damage that his incompetence, his borrow-and-spend budget-busting, his useless and horrendously expensive wars of foreign occupation, are doing to our nation and its future.

- Badtux the Libertarian Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/20/2007 05:15:00 PM  2 comments  

Gonzo Gone Watch continues

Senator Tom Coburn (R-Oklahoma) isn't really known to be a Commie faggot-loving liberal. He's called for the death penalty for abortionists, said that the country was under attack by a secret gay conspiracy that had “infiltrated the very centers of power in every area across this country." He once said that in the town of Coalgate, Oklahoma, "Lesbianism is so rampant in some of the schools in Southeast Oklahoma that they'll only let one girl go to the bathroom. Now think about it." Ole' Tommy Boy, despite his physicians' oath to "first do no harm", is also a firm advocate of torture, and enjoys regaling interns with pictures of dead fetuses and STD-afflicted vaginas. In short, Dr. Tom is the wingnut's wingnut, nuttier than pecan praline that's mated with peanut brittle and hatched a bowl of mixed nuts.

Yesterday, however, Dr. Tom had enough. After four hours of Attorney General Gonzo answering "I don't recall" to each and every question, either lying or having the memory of a newt (no no, the lizard, not the Grinch), Dr. Tom pounded his meaty fists on the table and bellowed, "It was handled incompetently. The communication was atrocious. You ought to suffer the consequences that these others have suffered, and I believe that the best way to put this behind us is your resignation."

This sentiment was also echoed by other notorious liberals such as Senator John "Man-on-turtle" Cornyn (R-Texas), Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa). Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), and Arlen Specter (R-Pa.).

Gonzo is *so* fried... and it couldn't have happened to a better person. So I'm just going to sit here sipping soda and smirking at the sight of Abu "I love Torture" Gonzales sweating buckets as his beady little eyes whirl frantically around looking for anything, anyone, that might seem even a teensy bit sympathetic to his plight...

-- Badtux the Sadistic Penguin

A little comment for right-wing readers: watching Gonzo sweat is funny no matter *what* your politics. How many different ways can one man say "I can't recall" anyhow?! BTW, it was his outright fibbing and lying, not the actual act of firing the attorneys, that had the Republican senators irate. If Gonzo had simply come out and said "Yes, I fired these attorneys because their politics did not match the goals of our administration", there would have been tut-tutting from the Democrats (of course) but no problem with the Republicans. But then he had to come out and *LIE* about it. Just like the Clenis lied about that blow job. Just like that.

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/20/2007 11:00:00 AM  7 comments  

Saturday, April 14, 2007

The Big Dick

Yesterday Dick Cheney emerged from his undisclosed location, like a troll emerging from under a bridge, and said...

Oh who the fuck cares what Dick Cheney said? I mean, c'mon. The man has been wrong about everything, I mean everything, for these past five years. Weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? Wrong. Saddam aiding al Qaeda? Wrong. No extended occupation in Iraq? Wrong. That rustling over there is a dove? Wrong.

I mean, c'mon. Has there been anything -- I mean, anything -- that the man has been right about during these past five years? I mean, we're talking about a man who can't tell the difference between a lawyer and a dove (oops)! So when he pops up out of his undisclosed location like some evil mole man and belches out some silliness, does anybody really give a fuck anymore?

-- Badtux the Don't-give-a-fuck Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/14/2007 09:03:00 PM  1 comments  

Thursday, April 12, 2007

18 1/2 minute gap

Shades of Nixon... so the emails just "accidentally" go missing. Just like that 18 1/2 minutes just "accidently" got erased. Except that this is an 18 *DAY* gap. Just an "accident". Yeah, right...

-- Badtux the "I seen this before!" Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/12/2007 02:00:00 AM  3 comments  

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Another enemy of the people spotted!

Why, if we can't keep ex-Marine distinguished Constitutional law scholars from boarding planes, why, why... they might KILL US ALL with their Law Textbooks of Mass Destruction!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/10/2007 03:59:00 PM  0 comments  

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

If we don't let terrorists tell us what to do...

then the terrorists win!

At least, that's what World Nut Daily says. They say that Nancy Pelosi shouldn't talk to the Syrians because, well, because terrorists like it. And our politicians should always let terrorists dictate their actions, rather than the American people. Our politicians should care more about what terrorists think than about what the American people think. Because, well, if we don't let terrorists dictate our actions, the terrorists win!

Alrighty, then!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/04/2007 02:25:00 PM  1 comments  

Mechanism and policy

In the light of day, my previous message seems a bit alarmist. First, it was a response to the 2nd amendment nuts who say that guns defend against tyranny. As I showed, guns are useless against tyranny. The Shiites of Iraq had guns. We now know just how *many* guns -- the country was freakin' FLOODED with guns, piled high and deep in everybody's garden with ammo to match. That didn't help them against Saddam's tyranny.

Still, there are some easy objections to make. First of all, the police forces of the United States are highly decentralized. It seems unrealistic to believe that the mechanism of a police state is already there. Yet the War on Drugs proves that even this decentralization is, in the end, a fraud -- by offering the appropriate carrots to state and local governments, the federal government has managed to get pretty much every law enforcement agency onto the same page.

The next thing that comes up is, "but surely the police would refuse to enforce a stupid or oppressive law?" Ask the black residents of Birmingham Alabama how many policemen refused to enforce the oppressive laws that prohibited black people from having equal rights. Hint: None. Zero. If it is the law, police officers will enforce it, even if it's a law as stupid and ridiculous as outlawing a naturally growing herb or mushroom that anybody can obtain just by walking in the woods. The "War on Drugs", and, for that matter, New York City during the RNC convention when thousands of people were snatched off the streets by police officers and taken to internment camps for the duration, proves that what was true when Police Chief Bull Connor released his thugs against civil rights marchers in 1963 is just as true today. If the law says to do it, they will do it. Policemen who have a problem with that do not stay policemen, they leave the profession.

So the mechanisms are there. What is lacking, what seperates the United States from being a police state, is the policies. Our political processes have not turned this mechanism against ordinary citizens in a major way because our political processes, while creaking towards the precipice, are still a ways away from completely collapsing into such disorder that a "strongman" can come forward and gain the support of the majority of the people in order to restore order. Any government, in the end, depends upon at least the willing aquiescence of the majority of the population in order to continue existing. Saddam was not popular, but the majority of Iraqis clearly had no problem with him being their Dear Leader (otherwise, as we have found out, they most certainly had the weaponry to depose him at will), because he maintained a safe and orderly society, and for most people that's all they care about. Most people don't care about these lofty philosophical ideas and stuff. They just want to work, eat, raise their children. They just want to be left alone. All that is necessary is for a sustained political collapse to occur with resulting disorder, and the police will not only enforce the dictates of a strongman -- but the majority of the populance will support them in this.

The mechanism is there. All that is necessary to put it into play is policy. And that's a scary-assed thing to see, because it gives major players in the political game the incentive to speed the collapse of the political process. Dear Leader is just a symptom of a game that's being played, and I suspect we will see far, far worse in the future, especially as the economy starts to crumble under the weight of Peak Oil...

-- Badtux the Apocalyptic Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/04/2007 10:56:00 AM  0 comments  

Practicing for a police state

Three words: War on Drugs.

Here is how it works. There is no knock on the door. Instead, a heavily armed and armored tactical assault team surrounds your home in the dead of the night while you are asleep. They cut the power and phone off, then simultaneously with stun and flash grenades smashing through your windows, officers smash through your door with a battering ram, followed by other heavily armed and armored officers. As you stumble out of your bed, blinded and deafened, said officers bring their weapons to bear upon you. If, at that time, you try to bring your own weapon to bear on them, you are dead, period.

Every day, this happens somewhere in America. The people this happens to typically are vicious and well armed criminals, far more accustomed to killing and violence than you and I, but they go down, and they go down because the tactics of police state America have been perfected. No matter how many weapons you, or I, gather in our home, we have as much chance against these tactics as the criminals they are being tested upon, because the police have the advantages of surprise, concentration, and effective body armor. All that is awaiting is the order. All that is awaiting is the order on official paper from a judge, saying to round you up for the camps.

And the police will read that order, then they will come for you. Because that order will say you are a criminal, and every policeman knows his job is to round up criminals. Police officers have spent the past forty years building up a collective culture of disdain for civilians as cops left the streets for police cars and riot gear and became heavily armed paramilitaries complete with tanks and assault weapons rather than members of the community. A police officer handed a judge's "no-knock" arrest warrant to round you up will do it. Period. And if you dare attempt to resist, you will be dead. Period. That is how it works in police state America. The mechanisms are all there. All that is lacking now is someone saying, "Begin", and setting the wheels in motion.

Hopefully that day will never come, where the word comes down. But the mechanism is in place. And, like a professional full-time standing army (which George Washington warned about as a danger to the nation), sooner or later someone will decide to use it...

- Badtux the Apocalyptic Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/04/2007 01:00:00 AM  3 comments  

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


I am black and white and yellow. I do not like racism. I do not like Newt Gingrich. Any questions?

-- Badtux the Multi-colored Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/03/2007 04:05:00 PM  5 comments  

Prison State USA

If current trends continue, by 2100 everybody in the United States will be a felon, with the exception of the President and former Presidents (who will of course pardon each other as a perk of the job). This will present some slight logistical problems. Such as, uhm, if everybody is a felon, who will guard the felons?

But never fear, the State of Texas leads the way. Why, all you have to do is pay felons to guard the felons!

That's sorta like the company hired to build a fence to keep out illegals hiring illegals to build the fence. Sorta a "fox guarding the henhouse". Huh. But that's the gret stet of Texas in a nutshell. As Molly Ivins put it, "All anyone needs to enjoy [Texas government] is a strong stomach and a complete insensitivity to the needs of the people. As long as you don’t think about what that peculiar body should be doing and what it actually is doing to the quality of life in Texas, then it’s all marvelous fun."

Felons guarding felons. Marvelous fun. Uhm, okay.

-- Badtux the former-Texan Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/03/2007 01:27:00 PM  5 comments  

Wednesday, March 28, 2007


World Nut Daily has a breathless headline, "Left spews deadly venom over Tony Snow's cancer!". Unlike the venom NOT spewed(hah!) over Elizabeth Edwards's cancer, I suppose. But anyhow, I checked The Left's website, and didn't find anything over there about Tony Snow's cancer, so I dunno what World Nut Daily is talking about. Maybe they found some lefty somewhere in the Kos comment sections saying nasty things, I don't care enough to click on the headline to see the "story".

You'll notice that I have not mentioned either Tony Snow's cancer or Elizabeth Edwards's cancer previously on this blog. That's because cancer is a decidedly non-snarky subject, especially terminal cancer such as liver cancer or bone cancer. I had a relative recently die of bone cancer. It was a horrible and painful death. I've had a relative die of liver cancer. Another horrible and painful death. It seemed neither decent nor appropriate to in any way mention these people's condition, fate, or comment upon how they intend to deal with their condition.

Cancer is not a joking matter, and decisions made in the treatment of cancer, or in how to live one's life during the period of time between being diagnosed with terminal cancer and becoming too sick to continue functioning, are not decisions that I or anybody else should be second guessing. It is shameful that these two people's seperate ordeals may become political footballs, and if any of you out there are tempted to do so, I have just one thing to say: Stop. Just stop. For the sake of simple common decency, just shut up. It's not your business, or my business. I realize common decency ain't so common nowdays, but for the sake of all that is holy and decent, please just stop. That's all.

-- Badtux the not-snarky-at-the-moment Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/28/2007 10:07:00 AM  5 comments  

Monday, March 26, 2007

Gonzo is *SO* Gone

From World Nut Daily, voice of crazed Republican fanatics everywhere: Embattled AG now accused in sex scandal 'cover-up'; Attorney General Gonzales among officials who allegedly ignored abuse of minor boys.

Oh brother. If you're a Republican and World Nut Daily has turned on you, it means that the Party has turned on you. Better polish up your resume, Gonzo. I hear the Bush mansion in Kennebunkport needs a new gardener...

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/26/2007 02:41:00 PM  6 comments  

Friday, March 23, 2007

Gonzo Gone Watch

Alberto Gonzales Death Watch continues. Good. Gonzo is an evil venal little toady who defends the indefensible (torture). But it won't be this week or next week. Gonzo knows too much about where the bodies are buried. Gonzo ain't gone until his Medal of Freedom is ready.

Past that point, his job prospects are... maybe the Bush mansion needs a gardener, eh? Boy, I'd love to see the look on his face when Babs makes that offer!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/23/2007 10:39:00 AM  1 comments  

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Should we just ignore Man Coulter

That's what Jersey Guy over at Alternate Brain suggests. Man Coulter wants attention? Fine. Let's all ignore her, and she goes away.

But I gotta disagree. Man Coulter don't give a shit if those of us in the reality-based community ignore him or not. On the edge of every lynch mob, you got some smirking evil ratbastard egging it on, until the lynch mob breaks through the doors of wherever, grab whoever their target is, and tears the poor victim of the lynch mob to pieces. And the evil ratbastard doesn't actually get any blood on his own hands, he just stands by and smirks as other people do evil for him. Evil Accomplished. Man Coulter is one of those evil ratbastards.

Now, if nobody actually listened to Man Coulter, if Man Coulter was just wandering in circles in the public square muttering "invade their countries, kill their leaders, convert them to Christianity" and everybody avoided him, that'd be one thing. But Man Coulter is widely loved in the moran community where he stands there in the public square shouting "Kill the raghead! Kill the liberal! Rape the Democrat!" and the morans standing around cheer and say shit like "Fuck yeah!" and "USA! USA! USA!" and somebody has to stand up to the ratbastard and say "Excuse me, but that's fuckin' NUTS".

The only way to stop a lynch mob - the ONLY way - is for men of good will to gather around and remind people that the evil ratbastard who's egging them on is, well, a fucking evil ratbastard. Simply ignoring the evil ratbastard won't stop the lynch mob. We've tried that before. It don't work. But when directly challenged, evil ratbastards will often slink away and if you do it enough, the evil ratbastard ends up bein' that wino in the public square muttering "invade their countries, kill their leaders, convert them to Christianity" while even morans avoid the reeking stench of sour wine and evil.

So no sir, I ain't takin' your advice to ignore Man Coulter. Evil ratbastards like him don't go away just because you ignore them. They just gather together a lynch mob of morans that then sweeps up otherwise normal citizens into its crusade to kill, kill, kill, kill, kill. Crap, isn't Dear Leader's holy war in Iraq proof enough of that?! Or as 18th century philosopher Edmund Burke probably didn't say, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing". That appears to be the advice here, and it is not advice that in my opinion is wise or warranted.

- Badtux the Rude Sociology Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/08/2007 08:27:00 AM  4 comments  

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The jihadis are getting desperate...

I hate to see what will happen if they get any more desperate. 30 Iraqis dead, 3 Americans dead in one bombing attack? But hey, I'm sure a school got painted somewhere today in Iraq, why isn't the liberal media covering that!?

Oh look, over there! It's a diaper-wearing astronaut! Nothing to see here, move along...

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/07/2007 04:34:00 PM  0 comments  

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

U.S. immigration officials jail threat to America...

...a nine year old boy.

This is the same jail where at night, children as young as six were separated from their parents, separation and threats of separation were used as disciplinary tools, children received one hour of schooling per day, Families in Hutto received no more than twenty minutes to go through the cafeteria line and feed their children and themselves and children were frequently sick from the food and losing weight, and families in Hutto received extremely limited indoor and outdoor recreation time and children did not have any soft toys. But hey, the nation has been protected from the threat of little children. Boy, I really feel safer now!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/28/2007 10:16:00 AM  3 comments  

Gay Agenda sighting in Rhode Island

A Catholic bishop in Rhode Island has taken time from gay-raping little boys and forcing women to have babies to note in alarm that the mighty supervillain The Gay Agenda (left) has shot Rhode Island Attorney General Patrick Lynch with his Gay Ray Gun of Gayness, forcing A.G. Lynch to rule that (gasp) gays should have equal rights under the Establishment clause of the Constitution rather than be stoned to death. Why, if gays had equal rights, they would... they would... CUT OUR HAIR AND DECORATE OUR HOMES MOST TASTEFULLY! What would the makers of knotty pine furniture do then, I ask you? Think of their innocent little children, starving amongst a sea of knotty pine furniture in Cooterville Alabama. Oh the horror!

So remember boys and girls, keep an eye out for that mighty supervillain The Gay Agenda flying across your sky clad in his gay little short-shorts and perfectly coifed permed hair, because if he got his way, why, we'd all be gayer than the gay mayor of gayville and the children of the makers of knotty pine furniture would be reduced to eating sawdust for breakfast lunch and dinner. Think of the children! Oh the poor little children!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/28/2007 08:21:00 AM  3 comments  

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

The state of right-wing punditry

Let's see. Anne Coulter has called for the assassination of Justice Stevens, Bill Clinton (TWICE!), Senator John Murtha, and the entire editorial staff of the New York Times. Bill O'Reilly wanted Michael Kinsley beheaded and wants the entire staff of the United Nations dead. Rush Limbaugh wants all but two liberals to be killed (the two remaining liberals are to be placed in a museum as an example to the public). Pat Robertson and Sean Hannity are of course famous for calling for the assassination of Hugo Chavez, who, like him or not, was democratically elected as President of Venezuela (hmm, why do right-wingers hate democracy?!). John Derbyshire's column in National Review (2-15-01) said Chelsea Clinton should be killed to make sure she doesn't go into politics.

About the only right wing media personality who has *not* called for the death of someone in that "oh shucks, you know, it'd be great if someone assassinated person X" manner that they use to call for assassinations is Michelle Malkin. She merely wants to intern opponents of Dear Leader as "enemies of the state", indeed, wrote an entire book defending the idea. I suppose that makes her the moral paragon of right-wing punditry. Which says something about right wing punditry, I suppose....

So why do these people still get a national voice in the media? Hmm, oh yeah, that's right. The people they want dead are the same people that Big Oil and Big Media want dead. Alrighty, then!

-- Badtux the Media Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/27/2007 12:24:00 PM  4 comments  

Monday, February 26, 2007

Can a fat man with bad hair win the Presidency?

The most qualified candidate currently in the race for President is a fat man with bad hair who has a penchant for getting speeding tickets and who loves to eat. And who, BTW, would probably bring most of the Western states with him and thus guarantee the Presidency to the Democratic Party (15,000 votes in Nevada and 100,000 votes in Colorado would have made Kerry President). F**k the South. John Edwards couldn't win his own home state of North Carolina in 2004, the chances of any Democratic "Southern strategy" working is nil. Anybody in the South with any brains has already left. (Case in point: ME). The South will be solid Republican for the foreseeable future. It's time to pursue a Western Strategy, and this candidate has been very successful at that, completely trouncing the Republican candidate in his last race for governor with 67% of the vote despite the fact that Bush won his state in that very same election.

Sadly, though, I doubt that Bill Richardson has a chance. As the election of George W. Bush proves, being smart and qualified means nothing in politics today. It's all about appearances and superficiality. A fat man with bad hair will win the Presidency sometime after hell freezes over...

-- Badtux the Cynical Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/26/2007 01:22:00 PM  6 comments  

Congratulations to Al Gore!

He won an Oscar last night for his documentary An Inconvenient Truth. Well, technically the director and producers won the Oscar, but as the director said when handing the statue to Al, "It's his film."

This was a big win for Al because the competition for best documentary was stiff this year. There was a *ton* of good documentaries in 2006. Also nominated this year for best documentary were "Deliver Us from Evil," about a pedophile priest, "Jesus Camp," about brainwashing children into being Jesus freaks, and two films about the war in Iraq — "My Country, My Country" and "Iraq in Fragments." All of these are smart and important films. So Al and his director and producers should feel really proud of themselves right now.

I think Al would make a great President. He's smart, he's thoughtful, he's dedicated to public service, and he's already been elected President once (in 2000). He came out against the Iraq war early and has never backed off. Alas, it isn't to be. As Al himself has noted, he just isn't good at politics in the modern era of attack dog politics. He's just too nice a guy to be able to cope with the junkyard dogs of the reich wing noise machine. Of course, he did win once...

- Badtux the Film Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/26/2007 12:39:00 PM  2 comments  

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Beware Teh Gay!

Wingnut Daily has noticed that the Army is cheating disabled troops in order to hold down costs. Wow. Just wow. Wingnut Daily. Posting a story critical of Dear Leader and His holy annointed administration. The rats truly are jumping off the ship.

Meanwhile, at the bottom of that story, I see a fascinating link: "Massachusetts judge orders teaching of the Gay Agenda". Oh dear. There's that evil supervillain, The Gay Agenda, again, with his rainbow cape and the big "G" on his chest, and the Gay Ray Gun of Gayness that he uses to shoot unsuspecting boys and girls to make them Teh Gay. I guess that, as an evil supervillain, the schools turned him away earlier in life. Perhaps he would not have become a supervillain if those nasty schools had allowed him to be taught. I am glad that a Massachussets judge now is going to allow The Gay Agenda to attend school. Teaching The Gay Agenda, though, probably is going to be a bit difficult for the teacher. I mean, c'mon. Here you are, with all these little shrimpy 4th graders, then there's this big lunk wearing tights and a rainbow cape, with a big Gay Ray Gun of Gayness clutched between his legs? And you think that won't be disruptive to the learning of the other students in the class?!

No, sadly I must agree with Wingnut Daily here. Teaching The Gay Agenda in a normal classroom is just too disruptive to the learning of our students. Besides, if we allow The Gay Agenda to be taught in a regular classroom, what next? The Joker sues for admission to Gotham University? Lex Luthor requests admission to Metropolis High School? Dr. Doom demands admission to Oklahoma State? Supervillains wearing tights, alas, simply are not appropriate as students in our classrooms.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

PS: C'mon, people, I've had *ZERO* submissions for pictures of The Gay Agenda, it'd be *great* to tag these posts about that mighty supervillian with a picture of him so that wingnuts can know what they're supposed to be shuddering in fear in their homes about! Flippers, guys. Penguins have flippers. We aren't good artists, okay?!

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/24/2007 08:43:00 PM  6 comments  

Conspiracy theory

I happened onto a "911 truth" website, and promptly found out that it was an A-3 Skywarrior ("Whale") that crashed into the Pentagon on 9/11, not a 757 airliner. This A-3 Skywarrior apparently flew off the carrior U.S.S. George Washington, which was docked in New York Harbor on 9/11.

Where to start, where to start... okay. First of all, the A-3 was retired in 1991. There are none in military service. Secondly, this is a big-ass plane. Its nick-name was "Whale", because it was the biggest plane to ever be flown off a carrier flight deck. If one of them got pulled out of retirement, rehabilitated, and put onto a carrier, someone would have noticed. I mean, we're talking *big*. The damned thing weighs 38,000 pounds *without* fuel and bombs, it's twice the size of any current jet that flies off a carrier deck, you don't hide something that big! Thirdly, flying an unmanned "drone" off the flight deck of an aircraft carrier ain't happenin', and because the A-3 has no ejection seats (and no way to retrofit any due to the cockpit design), it's unlikely that any pilot would volunteer to fly a kamakazi mission. Finally, it takes dozens of people to launch a jet plane off the deck of an aircraft carrier. You can't launch a jet plane in secret. It has to be fueled, the deck crew has to guide it to the end of the runway and hook up the catapault hooks, the operations crew has to clear a flight path... you just can't hide it, and if there was a conspiracy of this size, someone would have leaked by now.

Which brings up what Karl Rove O'Brien called the Conspiracy Theory Conspiracy. That is, that whack conspiracy theories of this sort are generated as "black ops" by U.S. intelligence agencies (See: COINTELPRO) in order to hide the fact that there are real conspiracies out there. 25% of the world's prisoners are in the United States, despite the U.S. having only 5% of the world's population. We are swiftly becoming a prison state where an astounding 10% of adult males of some minority groups are imprisoned in the American Gulag, a vast decentralized system of county jails, state prisons, and federal penitentaries that is the fastest-growing industry in America today. There are currently eight million people caught in the claws of the American Gulag. How did this happen? Who is responsible for this? Alas, if I start speculating, I am merely putting forward a "conspiracy theory" -- which, thanks to the Conspiracy Theory Conspiracy, means it's automatically discredited.

-- Badtux the Conspiracy Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/24/2007 01:13:00 PM  3 comments  

Friday, February 23, 2007

Who supports our troops?

By now you've read more than you want to read about the sickening way in which the military and VA are treating the veterans of Oil War II. You've read about the horrible conditions. About how they deliberately give soldiers low disability ratings to deprive them of benefits, forcing them to appeal and appeal to get what they're owed by the nation that threw them into an unnecessary war and now refuses to care for them. About how veterans with severe problems related to the war, such as suicidal depression at all they did and all that happened to them and their fellow soldiers, are turned away from the VA hospitals.

I don't think there is any more I can add to that. "Support our troops" has to mean more than yellow ribbon magnets, but, sadly, I doubt it does. So I will instead post a poem:


He sat in a wheeled chair, waiting for dark,
And shivered in his ghastly suit of grey,
Legless, sewn short at elbow. Through the park
Voices of boys rang saddening like a hymn,
Voices of play and pleasure after day,
Till gathering sleep had mothered them from him.

About this time Town used to swing so gay
When glow-lamps budded in the light-blue trees
And girls glanced lovelier as the air grew dim,
-- In the old times, before he threw away his knees.
Now he will never feel again how slim
Girls' waists are, or how warm their subtle hands,
All of them touch him like some queer disease.

There was an artist silly for his face,
For it was younger than his youth, last year.
Now he is old; his back will never brace;
He's lost his colour very far from here,
Poured it down shell-holes till the veins ran dry,
And half his lifetime lapsed in the hot race,
And leap of purple spurted from his thigh.
One time he liked a bloodsmear down his leg,
After the matches carried shoulder-high.
It was after football, when he'd drunk a peg,
He thought he'd better join. He wonders why ...
Someone had said he'd look a god in kilts.

That's why; and maybe, too, to please his Meg,
Aye, that was it, to please the giddy jilts,
He asked to join. He didn't have to beg;
Smiling they wrote his lie; aged nineteen years.
Germans he scarcely thought of; and no fears
Of Fear came yet. He thought of jewelled hilts
For daggers in plaid socks; of smart salutes;
And care of arms; and leave; and pay arrears;
Esprit de corps; and hints for young recruits.
And soon, he was drafted out with drums and cheers.

Some cheered him home, but not as crowds cheer Goal.
Only a solemn man who brought him fruits
Thanked him; and then inquired about his soul.
Now, he will spend a few sick years in Institutes,
And do what things the rules consider wise,
And take whatever pity they may dole.
To-night he noticed how the women's eyes
Passed from him to the strong men that were whole.
How cold and late it is! Why don't they come
And put him into bed? Why don't they come?

-- Wilfred Owen, December 1917

-- Badtux the Poetry Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/23/2007 02:00:00 PM  6 comments  

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Who sez the Department of Homeland Security is incompetent?

Why, they've successfully protected us from Marriages of Mass Destruction for four years now!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/22/2007 12:54:00 PM  0 comments  

A call for artists

Those brave Republic Party members in the Utah Legislature have discovered that the dastardly supervillain, The Gay Agenda, is out there trying to convert our innocent little boys and girls into gay hairdressers and gay interior decorators with his mighty Gay Laser of Gayness, and have come up with a way to stop The Gay Agenda: Outlaw Gay-Straight Alliance clubs in the schools.

I'm not quite sure what that has to do with that dastardly supervillain The Gay Agenda, but anyhow. I've been looking for a picture of The Gay Agenda and not finding one. I picture him as looking like Superman, except with a "G" rather than an "S" on his chest, and a rainbow-colored cape, flying across the sky with his arms held out in front of him in the classic Superman pose. He holds his Gay Laser of Gayness between his legs while he is flying, and it looks sorta like this pic from Shakes (notice the gay ray beams coming out the end):

Now, what I'm trying to do is put together a wanted poster for The Gay Agenda. You know, something along the lines of: "Wanted: The Gay Agenda", a picture, then a detailed description of why exactly The Gay Agenda is so evil below. Let's see: shoots superheros like Superman and Batman with his Gay Laser of Gayness and turns them into hairdressers and interior decorators (hold it, Superman and Batman already wear tights, has The Gay Agenda already got them?!), caused Osama bin Laden to attack us on 9/11, you know the drill, I'll have to troll a few right-wing sites to find out what other evil The Gay Agenda has been up to. But all of it fails without that picture of The Gay Agenda. After all, how can the brave Republic Party members cowering in their homes in fear of The Gay Agenda know what they're supposed to be scared of if they don't know what The Gay Agenda looks like? Oh the horror!

-- Badtux the "I can't draw" Penguin
Flippers, folks. Flippers are LOUSY for drawin'. Just sayin', y'know?

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/22/2007 10:13:00 AM  2 comments  

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Call out the Waaahmbulance!

So-called "journalists" whine about those bloggers who are, like, MEAN to them. The next bit, cleaned up a bit, goes to Richard Wollfe and his editors at Newsweek:

Dear Richard Wollfe: I don't want journalists to be partisans. I want journalists to report the truth. A citizen of a democracy has to know what's true and what's not true, so we can contact our representatives and tell them how we want them to vote, or vote them out of office if they refuse to do the right thing. Somebody has to figure out what is true and what's not true and report it, and if you useless "reporters" (stenographers) refuse to do so and instead whine that it's not your job because that is "analysis" (huh? When is reporting the truth "analysis"? Truth simply *is*!), we bloggers have to do so. And if you're upset that we bloggers are mean to you because you're making us do your job for you... Oh WAAAHHH! Poor little babies! We call on you reporters to do your job, we call on you to dig through all the piles of reeking flying monkey shit raining down on our head and report the truth buried underneath all the lies and deceptions and misleading statements, and you stamp your little footies and throw down your little journalistic shovels like munchkins going on strike and whine "Not my job!" at the top of your pathetic little voices. And it's we BLOGGERS who are out of line? DO YOUR FUCKING JOB AND THEN WE WON'T PISS ON YOU. Got it?

We bloggers already have full-time jobs making widgets or otherwise doing shit that makes the country's economy work. We don't have the resources of multi-billion-dollar corporations behind us. We don't have a team of researchers to dig up all the facts regarding a particular issue. Yet WE ARE MORE OFTEN RIGHT THAN YOU ARE because we do the job you refuse to do. We were right about Saddam's non-existent weapons of mass destruction. We were right about the lack of a Saddam-al Qaeda connection. We were right about the disaster that would be the Iraq occupation. We were right when we predicted civil war in Iraq. We were right, and we were right because we spent fucking HOURS AND HOURS of our own precious time away from our families and cats and livelihoods doing your fucking job for you and looking up the goddamned FACTS. The facts that you piss-poor excuses for "reporters" were too fucking stupid, lazy, or just plain bought to look up for yourself, instead just acting as stenographers for whatever vile political bullshit was being spewed by the goddamned Ministry of Truth as if it were God's own manna from the heavens instead of just a pile of reeking flying monkey shit.

So don't give me that bullshit about how we bloggers are so "mean" to you. Do your fucking job, report the truth, and you'll never hear from us again. Shit, I'd quit blogging tomorrow if I had access to a free press that would report the truth to me. But I don't. And I won't, as long as you reporters refuse to do your job and refuse to report the truth because you're too busy stamping your widdle footsies and whining that it isn't your job... shit, if it isn't YOUR job, then whose it? A fucking PENGUIN'S?!

-- Badtux the Truth-tellin' Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/21/2007 11:47:00 AM  7 comments  

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The real threat to America

The real threat to America is not terrorists, according to right-wing nutballs Sean Hannity and Neal Boortz. No. The real threat to America is... teachers.

Yes. Teachers. Why, if we don't fire all these "teacher" fiends immediately and replace them with Bible-thumpin' preacher men to teech our childrens rite, they'll, they'll... KILL US ALL! AGGH! THE PAIN! THE PAIN! MAKE IT STOP, BABY JESUS! MAKE IT STOP!

I can't make up shit funnier than today's Republican Party. I try and I try, but... oh my aching head!

-- Badtux the "Reality is stranger than fiction" Penguin

Left: One of those dangerous "teacher" fiends tortures a room full of innocent children. Oh the horror!

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/20/2007 05:45:00 PM  5 comments  

The more things change...

the more they stay the same.
Does it Matter?

Does it matter?—losing your legs?...
For people will always be kind,
And you need not show that you mind
When the others come in after hunting
To gobble their muffins and eggs.

Does it matter ?—losing your sight?...
There's such splendid work for the blind;
And people will always be kind,
As you sit on the terrace remembering
And turning your face to the light.

Do they matter?—those dreams from the pit?...
You can drink and forget and be glad,
And people won't say that you're mad;
For they'll know you've fought for your country
And no one will worry a bit.

-- Siegfried Sassoon, 1918

The soldiers will fight off rats and cockroaches in the dank hovels of the Army's hospitals as they lie in their beds missing legs or eyes or brains...

And no one will worry a bit.

-- Badtux the Poetry Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/20/2007 12:48:00 PM  2 comments  

What war on terror?

Al Qaeda is running training camps again in the Waziristan province of Pakistan.

So let me get this straight. Osama bin Laden attacks America on 9/11/2001. Now, over 5 years later, he's still rambling around at large setting up training camps, while the entire U.S. Army is bogged down in some dismal sandpit called "Iraq" that has *NEVER* attacked America? MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! If you're Osama bin Laden, that is...

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/20/2007 08:06:00 AM  0 comments  

Monday, February 19, 2007

Back from my backpacking trip...

There's nothing like backpacking into the wilderness with all of civilization being the 30 pounds on your back to realize just how nice civilization is. Especially grocery stores. I took enough food for three days. I finished it all by the end of day two. I must be the only penguin in existence that can actually gain weight while hiking 20 miles a day with 5,000 feet altitude gain both ways (don't ask -- I swear that this particular park defies the laws of physics here!).

Anyhow, other than blistered feet (forgot the Right Guard to sweat-proof my feet!), I'm back, and intact. Meanwhile, let me tell you a little story about tents, and condensation.

I have Eureka Zeus EXO tent. It's about 5 years old, and well used. This is a large 2-man tent, but very lightweight (under 4 pounds) because it is a single-wall tent built with coated nylon ripstop rather than with polyester. One day a couple of months ago I managed to "force" one of the poles and it split at the end. The whole tent is looking rather faded, so it looked like it was time to buy a new tent rather than get a replacement part for the old one. The nylon fabric these things are made of is UV sensitive and decays with time, and I'd rather replace it after five years than risk the thing totally failing when I needed it.

So anyhow, I look for a replacement tent, and they've replaced the Zeus EXO with the Zeus LE. The Zeus LE has two doors rather than one. It has two top vents rather than one. It should ventilate better than the EXO did. Not that I had any problems with the ventilation of the EXO, mind you. But still, seemed like a reasonable thing to pull the trigger and get the new LE.

BIG mistake. I went to the exact same location, under the exact same conditions, with the LE and found out a few things:

  • All tents condense on the inside of their outer fabric when the air goes below dewpoint. What matters is how well they keep the wet fabric away from you. So let's see how well the two tents do that:
    1. The EXO had your head at the all-mesh door that was between you and the vestibule fabric. It had side flies that started about a foot and a half up at the head, and came down to the foot corner on the side. All that could get wet was your feet. Big deal.
    2. The LE only has about six inches of mesh at the head. It is easy to rub the wet fabric above it with yoru head. On the left and right of your head is the outer wall. It is easy to roll over and rub your head on the outer wall. BAD news.
  • The Zeus EXO already required an astounding eight stakes to stake it out -- four at the dome corners, two for the vestibule, and two to pull out the side flies. The Zeus LE requires *TEN* (10) stakes to stake it out -- four at the doam corners, four for the two vestibules, and two for the end flies.
  • If you have the vestibule open on the EXO to get more ventilation, you can still put your boots under the remaining half of the vestibule to keep the mud and dirt out of your tent. If your vestibule is open on the LE, your boots are out there in the open ready to get full of water if it rains or dew if it gets below dewpoint.
  • The LE is a *very* complicated design, with lots of little pieces of fabric stitched together. This gives it lots of places to leak. Which means lots of places to work seam-sealer into the stitching. Which means lots of places where you can miss getting seam-sealer into the stitching and thus get a leak :-(.
Progress? Hardly. The Eureka Zeus LE simply *sucks* compared to the EXO. The Eureka marketing department looked at the common complaints about the EXO -- that it only had one door (the one at the head of the tent), that it needed more ventilation (true, it can get a little stuffy in there with the vestibule closed), and then they completely ruined it. Part of the problem is that they were working under a strict weight budget and thus, for example, could not make the side flies wide enough to fully protect the side walls. Part of the problem is that they were working under a strict dollar budget and thus could not go to a more lightweight fabric. And part of the problem is simply lack of imagination on the part of the Eureka engineers.

The good news is that Eureka apparently realized that they screwed up. On their website it appears they have discontinued the Zeus LE in favor of resurrecting the old Zeus EXO as the "Zeus Classic". The "Classic" still has the same flaws that led to the LE redesign -- the ventilation is still poor when you close the vestibule and it still only has one door -- but at least it isn't dangerous when it's damp outside. Not that this matters to me anymore. I've decided to eBay the Zeus LE to someone who lives in a desert (where condensation isn't an issue) and get a tent that weighs an entire 23 ounces, and only needs six stakes to set it up, not eight or ten. Yes, the Six Moon Designs Lunar Solo weighs an entire 23 ounces, or roughly 1 1/2 pounds... now that's more like it when ya have to haul your entire house on your back!

Anyhow, now you know why I'm a conservative (of the old fashioned sort, not one of these big-spendin' big-war-makin' neo-conservative types). You don't take a reasonable design (like the old EXO) and just throw it away and start over from scratch. You look for little ways to improve it, ways that will address the biggest flaws without totally discarding the good parts. The ventilation could have been improved, for example, by making the vestibule vent slightly larger and the top vent slightly larger to get better cross-flow through them. There was no need to simply re-do the entire tent and risk ruining it. Yet that is what they did. Similarly, there was no need to invade Iraq and get involved in a gigantic nation-building scheme, when sanctions were working fine at containing Saddam's ambitions. If it turned out that the sanctions were leaky, the conservative thing to do would have been to re-tool the sanctions to give them more teeth. Yet taking the huge risk of invading Iraq, a risk which George H.W. Bush had warned about ten years prior, is exactly what the neo-cons did rather than taking the conservative choice of tweaking what was already working. Conservative? Hardly! Bah humbug!

- Badtux the Backpacking Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/19/2007 09:44:00 PM  4 comments  

Thursday, February 15, 2007

I am Spartacus

I am, fundamentally, a small-government libertarian. Unlike the radicals in the Libertarian Party I don't view my libertarianism as a religion, as an ideology into which reality must be fitted. Rather, I view it as a sensible way of denoting what should be done by individuals under a free enterprise system, and what should be done by we as a people collectively via our representative government. What we as a people should collectively do should be limited to those things where history and the experience of our nation and other nations has shown that free enterprise doesn't work and government does, such things as as police, fire, courts, prisons, highways, parks, libraries, schools, and national health care.

I am by no means a radical of any sort. I don't want my government doing *anything* unless it is darn well proven to work or there is just an overwhelming consensus on the part of the people that the government needs to do it. Furthermore, I only want my government to do things that benefit we the people as a whole, not some folks overseas or just a small group of people who don't need any help from we the people as a whole. Yet somehow, I find myself in bed with liberals who are comfortable with using the power of Big Government to attack every social issue and every social ill. Why is that?

In part, it is because there is no longer a party for folks like me. Today's Republican Party is about borrow-and-spend Big Government and is filled with vile and evil people who refuse to speak up when death threats against young women are made, who speak of young women as "vile pieces of shit", who advocate raping and killing young women, who get vile demagogues like Bill Donohue who hate Jews and gays and white people (gosh who does he NOT hate? Other than his hand?) and makes excuses for child molesters and priests who rape boys to speak for the party. Today's Republican Party is all about imposing the hate-filled "Christian" ideology of a small group of very vocal radicals upon the rest of the nation at gunpoint (I put the word "Christian" in quotes because there is nothing Christian about hate). There is no place in today's Republican Party for sensible small-government conservatives because today's Republican Party is a party of ideologues, radicals, and hate. Their platform is a Big Brother nanny-state platform of imposing their peculiar morality at gunpoint upon the rest of us, and their policy is "kill the liberals", and their mouth-breathing brownshirts endorse it entirely.

Which brings up the question of the cowards who advocate raping and killing young women and their families yet somehow never manage to make it down to their local recruiter's station to sign up for their Dear Leader's little foreign war. I don't know if you've ever had a violent person threaten to kill you before. I have. Your heart starts thumping. The world suddenly assumes a terrible clarity. Then what happens next... well, I'm still alive, that's all I can say. But more insiduous is if they're threatening to kill you, and they are too cowardly to say it to your face. When you are getting anonymous phone calls at all hours of the night threatening to kill you. Then there is no respite from that adrenalin, you can't eat, you can't sleep, and you can't end the threat because they are cowards too cowardly to confront you to your face.

I have this to say about all cowards who threaten to rape and kill young women: My address is on my whois record, and my B.F. Mossberg & Sons 12 gauge tactical pump is ready and waiting. Bring it on. You mouth breathers are real brave, REAAAL brave, when it comes to making anonymous threats to young women. But Shakes ain't in this one alone. All of us who believe that hate is not an American value, who believe that all Americans, not just the ones with your perverted beliefs, are worthy of basic dignity and respect, all of us who oppose endless wars of conquest that do nothing for America and Americans, we are Spartacus. Take on one, you take on all of us. But somehow, I suspect my shotgun ain't gonna get no workout. It figures.

-- Badtux the Libertarian Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/15/2007 10:51:00 AM  13 comments  

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Valentine's Day from the Bush Administration

That is all.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Courtesy of Dependable Renegade

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/14/2007 08:09:00 PM  3 comments  

On the incompetence of the Edwards campaign

Edwards hired two attack dogs -- Amanda Marcotte especially being one (she's banned me a couple of times when I called bullshit on her always accusing everything of being sexism, as I keep pointing out, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and not a taunt about womankind's lack of a penis), but Melissa McEwan is no shrinking violet either. Edwards hired these attack dogs, then refused to loose them upon his enemies. This tells you something about Edwards: Either he's an idiot, or he's a coward. Either way, he's not someone to elect as President.

Remember, the first thing the enemy does when he comes to smash through your door and destroy you is go after your attack dogs first. The thing to do when someone comes after your attack dogs is to loose their chains, pat them on the butt (figuratively speaking), and say "Go get'em, Killer!" We should have seen Marcotte and McEwan on every talk show that the condensed racist evil that is Bill Donohue showed up at. But the Edwards campaign wouldn't let that happen, because they "might say something embarrassing". Instead, Edwards muzzled his attack dogs, and put them on so short a leash that they ended up resigning.

If you don't want attack dogs, don't hire them. Marcotte and McEwan's writings were right there on the Internet, it should have been clear to anyone other than a moron that Marcotte, at least, was a snarling attack dog. If you do want attack dogs, don't put a 3 foot choker chain on them. Evil bastards like Bill Donohue will just stand 3 inches outside their choker chain and wave raw meat at them until they're snarling and snapping, then reach out and snap their necks. If you're not willing to loose the choker chains and let them rip the fat evil bastard's throat out, don't hire them in the first place. Edwards basically assured himself that a) his attack dogs would end up resigning, and b) that the enemy will now destroy him, since no attack dogs are ever again going to come to his rescue. After all, why come to the rescue of someone who choked his last attack dogs? Even this penguin knows that dogs aren't that dumb!

-- Badtux the Attack Penguin


Posted by: BadTux / 2/14/2007 11:55:00 AM  32 comments  

Friday, July 01, 2005

Our Dear Leader loves our troops

After all, he is always showing up in front of our troops wearing a giant codpiece and uniform, showing us all exactly how manly a man he is. Our dear leader obviously loves our troops. Sincerely. At least, his codpiece says he's happy to see them.

Well, at least he loves our troops as long as they're not combat veterans. As of February, VA officials reported, 85,857 of the 360,674 veterans of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq who had separated from active duty — 24% — had sought healthcare from the VA. This included treatment for both physical injuries and mental health problems.

Yet Bush's budget proposal for the VA was far, far below what everybody acknowledges is necessary to care for all the newly-disabled veterans that Bush's dirty little war in Iraq is creating. Thus Congress had to come in and basically back-fill with enough money to give our veterans the medical services they have earned by doing their duty to our nation. As hard as it is to believe, invading random nations, killing their citizens, and standing on the smoking ruins is their duty to our nation -- the Constitution states that they must obey their Commander in Chief, the President of the United States, and President Bush was elected by 3/4ths of the voting age pouplation -- by 1/2 of the people who voted, and by the remainder who were so satisfied with Bush that they didn't bother voting. It's a tough job, but it's one we told them to do, either via our sins of commission or omission, and they damn well deserve the best medical care that America can offer once fulfill their duty.

So the question I have is this: Why does Bush only love our soldiers when he is staring at their dinguses, and hate them all the rest of the time, not giving them the armor and equipment they need, shorting them on medical care, etc.? Curious penguins want to know: Is our Dear Leader yet another victim of that dastardly supervillain, The Gay Agenda, and his evil superweapon the Gay Raygun of Gayness?!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 7/01/2005 09:33:00 PM  1 comments  
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Name: BadTux
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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.

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"Keep fighting for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce." -- Molly Ivins, 1944-2007 "The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men."

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