Tuesday, June 12, 2007

What next, sacrificing vestal virgins to put out forest fires?

Prayer. That's it? That's their solution?

Crap, I'm going about this business of hacking together cool computer software all wrong. Instead of, like, doing that hard thinking and doing stuff, I ought to just be praying and, lo and behold, God shall deliver!

I can't wait to see these guy's solution to the problem of forest fires. If it doesn't involve sacrificing vestal virgins, it'll probably involve Bible readings or something. I propose that we line all these useless people up in the path of a forest fire with their Bibles in hand, reading passages from Psalms at the top of their voice. Meanwhile the rest of us can use a little common sense (which apparently ain't too common nowdays) and grab our shovels and mount our bulldozers and dig a fireline *behind* them to stop the fire. Let's see who's more effective at stopping the fire. Gah! The stupid! It hurts!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Labels: environment, wingnuts

Friday, June 01, 2007

White Power!

Bill O'Reilly shows off his nifty white bedsheet:

"McCain and O’Reilly, white power virtuosos:

O’REILLY: But do you understand what the New York Times wants, and the far-left want? They want to break down the white, Christian, male power structure, which you’re a part, and so am I, and they want to bring in millions of foreign nationals to basically break down the structure that we have."

Because, y'know, white males are 36% of the population, yet 79% of the Senate, so they're obviously an oppressed minority and besides, we gotta keep the darkies and uppity wimmins in their place, yassah!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Labels: politics, Republican stupidity, war on brown people, wingnuts

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day

Of course, it took them *years* to notice that the Busheviks were doing this, while those of us in Blogistan have been ranting about it since, well, since a few months after Mission Accomplished Day when it became apparent that the Busheviks weren't getting us out of Iraq anytime soon including all the firefighters and cops who were in the National Guard in Iraq instead of here protecting us. But hey, they're tighty righties. It takes a while for the thoughts to ooze around in their heads and get to where they can do some good. So let's give'em some slack, eh?

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
Note: yeah, just got home *again*. The treatise on behavior modification and the notions of "sin" and "redemption" is hereby delayed yet another day. Here, have a snark snack.

Labels: politics, war on brown people, war on terror, wingnuts

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Democracy

Huh? Rush Limbaugh?

Yes, Rush Limbaugh. (Warning, link goes to World Nut Daily, you may wish to wear surgical gloves and mask and place a condom over your computer before clicking).

Methinks that Rush's happy happy penis pills have been swelling his head, not his penis. What ya think?

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Note: Essay on sin delayed due to necessity to earn six-figure salary. Have a snark snack instead. Less filling! Tastes... uhm... like Viagra! Yeah!

Labels: politics, wingnuts

Monday, May 14, 2007

Traumatized in Detroit

No no, it was none of those. It was something far, far more horrible, something so horrible that a lawsuit had to filed, had to, I say, because this girl was horribly traumatized for life by: Yes, gay cowboys. Oh the horror!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
Note: Serious post coming tonight. Enjoy the snark.

Labels: wingnuts

Monday, May 07, 2007

Wingnut math: 35% is "evenly divided"

Here is how a World Nut Daily article starts:

35% of Dems believe Bush knew of 9/11 attacks in advance

Five-and-a-half years after al-Qaida terrorists hijacked four U.S. airliners, crashing them into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and a field in Pennsylvania, Democrats find themselves evenly divided as to whether President George Bush knew in advance the attacks were coming.

-- Badtux the Math Penguin

Labels: wingnuts

I read World Nut Daily so you don't have to

Like all the neo-cons, they're always late to the game. For example, I just got a breathless message from WND. "Iraqi Prime Minister has ties to Iran!" Which is a MEMRI (Mossad) translation of an Egyptian newspaper article, and to which my response is... duh? Look, you stupid neo-con morons, all you had to do was read Professor Juan Cole's excellent web site where he translated articles from the Arab press to that effect literally years before Mossad managed to get around to it. Maliki's ties to SCIRI and its Badr Brigade militia go back literally years. And SCIRI was set up by the Iranian Revolutionary Guards and Iranian intelligence services in the first place as an anti-Saddam force. If you weren't such stupid fucking Mossad suck-ups who refuse to read anything not "ideologically correct", you would have known about this literally years ago.

I mean, c'mon. Back in 2002, before Operation Iraqi Clusterfuck started, I told the dumbasses that invading Iraq would turn it in to Iran West. Shit, George Herbert Walker fuckin' BUSH said the same godammed thing in his memoirs back in '96. What part of "Iraq is sixty percent Shiite" do these stupid fucking neo-cons not understand? But noooo... they knew best. The only problem we were gonna have with the invasion of Iraq, they said, was what to do with all the goddamned flower petals that the population showered us with. Yeah, some flower petals. Are neo-cons the stupidest, most blood-thirsty fucking assholes on the planet, or what?

-- Badtux the Rude Penguin

Labels: bush administration, iraq, war on brown people, wingnuts

Friday, May 04, 2007

Should we get the government we deserve?

Well, in 2000 and 2004, that was pretty much true. (And spare me the silliness about the Busheviks "stealing" those elections... if the apathetic majority had really cared who was President, the only way the Busheviks could have "stole" those elections would have been at gunpoint). But in 2006 something odd happened: The common people changed their mind.

The result from the Busheviks has been... telling. Right-wing zealots who only months before had been touting the virtues of democracy are now showing their true colors as anti-democracy royalists. They want democracy only when the people vote for them. When the people do NOT vote for them, the right-wing zealots say "governing is too important to leave to the people!" and want to impose a military dictatorship.

Personally, I believe that the common people deserve to get what they want good and hard. They want lower taxes? Fine. They get what they want good and hard, in the form of collapsing government services, corrupt officials, disintegrating schools, and crumbling national infrastructure. Sooner or later the common people usually come to their senses and want something else good and hard. The same, unfortunately, is not true of dictators. Generally dictators just continue on their path until they destroy their country. Or as Winston Churchill once put it, "Democracy is the worst of all forms of government except all the others that have been tried." As for the Bushevics and the 27-percenters who still support them, I have only one question: Why do you hate democracy?

-- Badtux the Democratic Penguin

Labels: bush administration, politics, Republican stupidity, wingnuts

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Every life is sacred

I’ll just point out that an ultrasound will also show your intestines writhing and wriggling in your abdomen, and that cancer is living too. So we should never remove cancerous intestines because we are destroying life when we do that, and life is sacred. The same goes with using antibiotics. You are killing innocent little baccili when you do that, and every life is sacred. (And don’t even get me started on the massacre of millions of innocent spermatozoan-Americans every day, especially in the mommy’s basements of rightwing war-bloggers nationwide!),

– Badtux the Sacred Life Penguin

Labels: feminism, war on women, wingnuts

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

If our leaders don't lie, the terrorists win!

Silly girl. Everybody knows that if our leaders don't lie, the TERRORISTS WIN! And Little Baby Jesus will cry. Haven't you heard? Mayor Rudy says that if lying politicians can't be elected to office, another terrorist attack will happen. Because, you know, no terrorist attack has ever happened while a Republican President was in office, or while a Republican Mayor was in charge of New York city. And the only proper response to al Qaeda bombing the World Trade Center in 1993 was... uhm... moving the city's disaster management center into the World Trade Center? WTF?! But hey, none of that matters, because Mayor Rudy looks simply mahhhhvelous in pink... So remember, boys and girls. We must elect politicians that lie (especially politicians who look pretty in pink), or the terrorists will swim across the Atlantic Ocean with knives between their teeth, sneak into our bedrooms at night, and kill us all!!!!!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Labels: politics, Republican stupidity, war on terror, wingnuts

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Time to talk gun control again?

Naturally, as a snarky penguin I must agree. I believe that every American should be armed with an AK-47, 5,000 rounds of ammunition, a RPG-7 anti-tank grenade launcher, and 100 rounds of RPG ammunition. Then we can be a peaceful and polite society just like Iraq and Somalia. After all, just ask Rep. Mike Pence of Indiana, who will be swift to tell you that going to the market in Iraq is safer than going to the market in Indiana. Especially when there's a blue light special on sexy lingerie, in which case you best have your body armor on or a herd of women and transvestites and Rudy Giuliani will send you on to the great beyond...

Remember, gun control is hittin' what ya aim at! As for the notion of a national dialogue on gun control... oh look! Over there! It's a missing young blond girl!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Below: A couple of shoppers at an Indiana market prepare to obtain the last Playstation 3's in town.

Labels: iraq, sick society, violence, wingnuts

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Another enemy of the people spotted!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Labels: politics, prison state USA, war on terror, wingnuts

Friday, April 06, 2007

Wingnuts talk up China military threat

China's current defensive posture is, well, defensive -- none of their current weapons other than their few dozen ICBM's are much use for offensive purposes. The Song class diesel-electric boats, for example, while quite stealthy in electric mode (U.S. forces have been embarrassed more than once by one popping in the middle of their exercises after sneaking there undetected), does not have a particularly long range and as far as we know do not have the ability to be refueled at sea, meaning that they are primarily of use for coastal defense. China does not possess any heavy bombers with intercontinental range and as far as we know has no plans to acquire any. The majority of their air force is comprised largely of short-ranged MiG-21 fighters and indigenenous variants thereof which are useless for offensive operations at any significant distance beyond their border. Their Navy is comprised of coastal defense destroyers and submarines and has no ability to sustain operations beyond a few hundred miles of China's coast, lacking tankers and support ships necessary for such purpose. Their Army is large but possesses no useful tanks (just obsolete clones of old Stalin-era Soviet tanks) and thus lacks the primary offensive weapon of modern armies, Chinese investment at the moment is going into producing anti-tank weapons capable of defending against invading M1 tanks, not into a new generation of tanks. Etc.

In the long term, China's military aspirations are something to worry about. As they develop their industrial skills by selling cheap junk to Americans, they also develop the ability to design and build modern weapons. Short term... no. China's current military posture would be hard-pressed to defend the Chinese mainland against any modern adversary, and would successfully do so only because China possesses the advantage of scale (i.e., they have so many of these short-ranged obsolete weapons and so much population base to draw upon, that any attacking military would run out of bullets and anti-aircraft missiles before killing them all).

Even their long-term goal of invading and forcibly re-uniting Taiwan is at least a decade away. Taiwan is defended by modern F-16 fighter jets, the best fighter jet in the world, as well as their own indigeneously-produced fighter jet which is roughly equivalent to the F-18 and Mirage 2000 fighter jets which are somewhat less capable but still quite well able to take out anything China has. China's MiG-21 jets cannot reach Taiwan with any useful military payload, and they have only a handful of Su-30 fighter jets purchased from Russia that are anywhere near modern enough to take on a F-16 (and I would still lay my bet on the F-16). Any invasion fleet of Chinese trawlers would swiftly end up at the bottom of the sea without any U.S. intervention at all.

In short, China's threat to America or to anybody else for at least the next decade is economic, not military. For the moment their biggest military threat is their ability to provide massive amounts of cheap weaponry to asymmetrical warfare organizations in countries such as Iraq and Lebanon and to potential adversary states such as Iran, rather than any direct military threat presented by their own military forces.

-- Badtux the Military Penguin

PS - even their new ability to take out satellites is defensive in purpose. Taking out the GPS satellites would also take out American GPS-guided "smart weapons" and significantly reduce the effectiveness of weapons such as Tomahawk cruise missiles (which are significantly less accurate in terrain-following mode -- e.g., during the 1st Gulf War, before being modified to use GPS, roughly half the Tomahawks fired from naval vessels in the Red Sea ended up actually crashing into our allies Saudi Arabia and Jordan rather than making it across the Arabian Peninsula into Iraq!).

Labels: military, war on brown people, wingnuts

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Bipolar disorder

-- Badtux the Multi-colored Penguin

Labels: culture, monkeys, penguin porn, wingnuts

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

World Nut Daily: Coulter explains freedom to Nancy Pelosi

- Badtux the Amused Penguin

Labels: nude ann coulter, wingnuts

On violence

"I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent."

Indeed. Violence cannot add anything to the world. Violence cannot create anything. The best that can be said about violence is that sometimes it is necessary for self defense or the defense of others -- sorry, I disagree with the Quakers on this one, while I do not believe violence can ever be moral, it can (very occasionally) be necessary for perpetuation of the organism -- i.e., necessary.

That said, "necessary" and "moral" are two different words. If I kill a man in self defense, I have removed a man's life from this earth just as certainly as if I killed him just for the fun of it. The best that can be said is that if it is a choice of him taking my life or me taking his life, there is no moral choice that can be made, because a man is dead either way. At that point the inner monkey takes over, the primitive beast whose struggles for survival in the African veldt far surpassed anything that we can imagine. And said monkey wants to *live*...

When it comes to the raising of children, or disciplining of children, much the same applies -- violence is never moral. The problem isn't that we've banned the paddle or whatever other rot the tighty righties want to trot out. The problem is that we have a very punitive and violent society that views punishment -- violence -- as the solution to all problems. But while violence can *stop* a behavior, that is all it can do -- it can never add something to a child's understanding of the world. It can never add something to society. Love, encouragement, setting clear goals and expectations and rewards (note I say rewards, not bribes, there's a difference), making life a pleasant and rewarding experience rather than something harsh and punitive... what works for raising a happy child, also works for raising a happy society. Alas, our punishment and violence addicted society seems to have forgotten this, thus why our society is so unhappy, violent, and prone to addictions such as crack cocaine, black tar heroin, and neo-conservative politics.

Folks are prone to dismissing Gandhi as an "impractical dreamer". But in this case, at least, he was being a practical observer. There has been no instance of violence that increased the amount of good in the world. Violence has never added anything to the world. Violence can only take away. Violence can only stop or remove things. Violence cannot dream, or create, or invent, or provide salvation for lost souls. Violence can only destroy dreams, destroy creations, squash innovations, provide damnation for lost souls. It is sad that punishment -- violence -- seems to be the only response that our sick society has for a wide variety of societal problems. It is sad, because there is so much more that could be done, if only we embraced creation rather than destruction as the fundamental force of our society.

-- Badtux the Creative Penguin

Labels: Gandhi, non-violence, quakers, violence, wingnuts

If we don't let terrorists tell us what to do...

At least, that's what World Nut Daily says. They say that Nancy Pelosi shouldn't talk to the Syrians because, well, because terrorists like it. And our politicians should always let terrorists dictate their actions, rather than the American people. Our politicians should care more about what terrorists think than about what the American people think. Because, well, if we don't let terrorists dictate our actions, the terrorists win!

Alrighty, then!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Labels: politics, wingnuts

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Racism

-- Badtux the Multi-colored Penguin

Labels: politics, war on brown people, wingnuts

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Leiberman Democrats want more Americans dead in Iraq

Now, I dunno where Mr. Ford was when we won. Maybe he was hiding under a rock or something. Maybe he had a five-day marathon hiking trip through the Washington Mall during that time frame, and never caught up with the news or something. But hey, Mr. Ford -- we won. All that's happened since is just our soldiers getting caught in the middle of someone else's bloody civil war. How can we "win" someone else's civil war?

We won. Shit, we even already declared victory. It's time to bring the troops home, MORON -- and the majority of the American people agree.

-- Badtux the Mission Accomplished Penguin

Labels: George W. Bush, iraq, war on terror, wingnuts

Monday, March 26, 2007

Radical Islam in my sock drawer!

So... does "radical Islam" have the world's best tanks, like Nazi Germany had? Or maybe "radical Islam" has thousands of nuclear-tipped missiles pointing at us, like the Soviet Union had? Or maybe "radical Islam" has dozens of battleships and aircraft carriers like Imperial Japan had?

Well?

What's that you're mumbling, Little Rickie? Box cutters, you say? BOX CUTTERS?! That's all that "radical Islam"'s got? Well poopers. Box cutters might have worked one time. But they done shot their wad, nobody's going to kill thousands of Americans with box cutters again. Oooh, I'm just SOOOOO scared that swarthy brown fellers armed with... box cutters... are gonna swim the Atlantic with these things clenched in their teeth, sneak into our sock drawers during the day while we're out at work, then emerge at night to KILL US ALL! Yeah, I'm just SHAKIN' in my boots (well, if penguins wore boots, anyhow)...

Methinks that Little Ricky needs to lay off the hillbilly heroin. Ya think?

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Labels: wingnuts

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Ann Coulter vs. Michelle Malkin

Thus far, I've gotten 14 Google hits for Ann Coulter Nude, and only 2(two) Google hits for Michelle Malkin Nude. Does this mean that Man Coulter is 7 times more popular than Michelle Malkin? Or does it merely mean that people are curious to see what sexual organs Man Coulter possesses between his/her legs? Curious penguins want to know!

-- Badtux the Curious Penguin

Labels: humor, nude ann coulter, nude michelle malkin, wingnuts

Monday, March 19, 2007

On war

You cannot qualify war in harsher terms than I will. War is cruelty, and you cannot refine it; and those who brought war into our country deserve all the curses and maledictions a people can pour out. ... You might as well appeal against the thunder-storm as against these terrible hardships of war. They are inevitable, and the only way the people [...] can hope once more to live in peace and quiet at home, is to stop the war, which can only be done by admitting that it began in error and is perpetuated in pride.

-- William Tecumseh Sherman, 1864

At 9:30pm EST on March 19, 2003, the first bombs dropped on Baghdad, part of a massive bombing campaign that coincided with a military campaign to disarm Saddam's weapons of mass destruction prevent Saddam from harboring al Qaeda terrorists liberate Iraqis like these very well liberated Iraqis: Before the inevitable objections "but we didn't *intend* to kill little girls!", bullshit. When you choose to go to war, you choose to kill little girls. Period. To quote a man who knew war, "War is cruelty, and you cannot refine it". If you intend to go to war, you intend to kill little girls. Period. If you are not willing to kill little girls, then you are not willing to go to war. Those who chose to go to war -- which was some 65% of the American population in 2003 -- implicitly chose to kill little girls. They might claim that this is not what they chose, but they lie. You might as well appeal against the thunder-storm as against these terrible hardships of war. They are inevitable. Choose war, and you choose to kill little girls.

Four years later, little girls are still dying. As are American soldiers, but they are a tiny, tiny tiny percentage of the dead. Over 650,000 Iraqis have died over the past four years -- or more Iraqis than Saddam managed to kill in his entire 25 year reign. As a people we Americans focus on the dead American soldiers only because we are an ignorant, self-interested people who view anybody who is not American as untermenschen, inhuman, just two-legged cockroaches to be exterminated like vermin. As a people we are cruel and heartless towards anybody who isn't part of our own little enclave of hairless monkeys with delusions of grandeur. We are maliciously vindictive towards anybody who points out that we're just monkeys and no better than any other monkeys on this planet and that we're being cruel and vicious. And little girls still die. And little girls still die.

How many little girls will die before our leaders stop the war, which can only be done by admitting that it began in error and is perpetuated in pride? How many little girls must die before the piteous mewling of self-interest politicians more interested in political gamesmanship and bullshit do what's right instead of what's expedient? How many? And for what purpose?

"Freedom isn't free," the wingnuts cry. But it seems to me that it is the Iraqi people who are paying the price, especially the 50% of the Iraqi population that is below the age of 18. They are dying by the hundreds of thousands. They are paying the price. How dare we say that we should choose their deaths? Should not the price of freedom be one that the Iraqis themselves decide for themselves? But I forget, they are mere untermenchen, mud people, just filthy cockroaches. They cannot liberate themselves. They need fine white ubermenschen American GI's to do that.

And so they die. And so they die. For no purpose that anybody can tell me. Stop civil war? It's happening. Stop al Qaeda from setting up in Iraq? They're there. Stop ethnic cleansing? It's happening. Prevent a refugee crisis? It's happening. Even the "war for oil" reason, in the end, fails. There is no oil in Baghdad. Yet our soldiers fight and kill and die in Baghdad. For what reason, other than for the sake of ignorance and pride? How many more young girls must die, before we admit that the war was begun in error and perpetuated in pride, and bring the soldiers home?

The answer, sadly, is too many. Far too many. And the answer of the wingnuts is... clap louder. Ah yes. Clap louder. But this penguin, for one, is tired of clapping.

- Badtux the War Penguin

Labels: bush administration, culture of life, iraq, sick society, war on brown people, war on terror, wingnuts

See the hate in their eyes...

I stumbled upon a Young Republican's site that I won't link to because frankly I don't feel like deleting his outraged spams. He had this picture of the 20 Percenters as they counter-protested at the Washington protest march.

The hate in their eyes is saddening to see. They have nothing left but their hate. Their Dear Leader's war has proven to be a disaster. The economy is in free fall as trillions of dollars of national wealth disappear into one big poof of housing price collapse. Their Dear Leader's administration is unraveling, and their homes are being repossessed. They have nothing, nothing at all. Nothing but their hate and rage that swirls through their tiny little minds like the red haze of a dying fire.

These poor pathetic losers in decrepit flyover states full of trailer parks and old people and dead dreams and lies have nothing left to contribute to the national discourse, yet they still show up to spread the hate and lies, like junkyard dogs who rush up to the gates of the junkyard to snarl and slather at passers by in full knowledge that they are caged animals and that the people passing before them are free. I pity them, in much the same way that I pity a junkyard dog that has been kicked and abused and turned mean. If one of them comes after my throat I will shoot him dead (remember, that's LIBERTARIAN, not LIBERAL), but that is merely what one does to an animal that is beyond salvation when there is no choice. As long as they continue to snarl and slather and glare hatefully from behind the bars of their virtual prison, a prison of the mind, pity is all they should get.

- Badtux the Observant Penguin

Labels: wingnuts

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

What's wrong with this picture?

Let's say that your country was invaded four years ago, but now you're a government official for this country and say that everything's okay and back to normal.

Question: Where do you go to get treated if you have a medical condition?

Answer: Jordan.

Response of wingnuts: If the President of the United States had to fly to France for medical treatment because proper medical treatment was not available in his own country, that would be news. If the President of Iraq has to fly to Jordan because proper medical treatment was not available in his own country... err... Oh look! Over there! A stupid blond actress is having a baby! Woot!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Labels: health care, iraq, war on terror, wingnuts

Monday, March 12, 2007

Local warming

Until fifteen years ago, air conditioning was almost unknown in the city where I live. Only large commercial buildings had air conditioning. Residential buildings had windows. You got hot, you open a window. Since the temperature rarely hit 80 degrees on summer afternoons, and was always 75 or less by bedtime, it worked fine.

These last fifteen years, however, have been a scorcher. Yesterday was bright, sunny, and ... 83F according to both the bank sign and the thermometer on the dashboard of my Jeep. Today is supposed to be even hotter. And it was only March 11, not July, not August. March. Not even freakin' *SPRING* yet. And I had to turn on my air conditioner to keep from stifling.

Global warming? I'll let the scientists make that call. All I'll say is that keeping my iceberg afloat seems like it's requiring an aweful lot more air conditioning than it used to...

-- Badtux the Overheated Penguin

Labels: global warming, wingnuts

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Every Child Left Behind

Face facts: We, as a nation, don't give a shit about children. We don't give a shit about anything other than our fat narcissistic deranged ignorant asses and our own spoiled rotten selfish violent idiot spawn. Caring about others would require having, like, empathy and the ability to think beyond "me good! Me great! Me love me!". Fuck that shit, this is the United States of Fuckin' America, fuck you, and fuck everybody else, it's all about ME ME ME ME ME!!!!

Shit. This is the kind of crap that makes me feel like burning a fucking American flag. It seems we're devolving into the most stupid, vicious, jackbooted goddamned savages on the whole fucking planet nowdays. I mean, you go into a factory and round up a hundred women and jail them, what fucking moran CAN'T figure out that hey, these women probably have KIDS at SCHOOL and what the fuck do we do about the kids? What kind of fucking moran can't figure out that if you drop bombs on a nation where 50% of the population is under the age of 18, you're going to be killing children left and right? But this is the United States of Fucking Don't Give A Fucking Shit, Dear Leader gave us our goddamned marching orders, so we put on our fucking brown shirts and go HEIL HEIL HEIL! Fuck the little children up the fuckin' ASS, fuck YEAH, USA USA USA USA!!!

-- Badtux the Rude Penguin

Are we getting fucking outrage fatigue yet? FUCK NO. I ain't even *started* gettin' outraged at the stupid, idiotic, fucking EVIL crap goin' down right now...

Labels: bush administration, iraq, war on brown people, war on terror, wingnuts

Friday, March 09, 2007

Louisiana now almost Annthrax-free

Louisiana, I gotta say I'm proud of you. Now go check out Media Matter's list above, and see if you can get *your* state Annthrax-free!

-- Badtux the Louisiana Penguin

Labels: wingnuts

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Should we just ignore Man Coulter

But I gotta disagree. Man Coulter don't give a shit if those of us in the reality-based community ignore him or not. On the edge of every lynch mob, you got some smirking evil ratbastard egging it on, until the lynch mob breaks through the doors of wherever, grab whoever their target is, and tears the poor victim of the lynch mob to pieces. And the evil ratbastard doesn't actually get any blood on his own hands, he just stands by and smirks as other people do evil for him. Evil Accomplished. Man Coulter is one of those evil ratbastards.

Now, if nobody actually listened to Man Coulter, if Man Coulter was just wandering in circles in the public square muttering "invade their countries, kill their leaders, convert them to Christianity" and everybody avoided him, that'd be one thing. But Man Coulter is widely loved in the moran community where he stands there in the public square shouting "Kill the raghead! Kill the liberal! Rape the Democrat!" and the morans standing around cheer and say shit like "Fuck yeah!" and "USA! USA! USA!" and somebody has to stand up to the ratbastard and say "Excuse me, but that's fuckin' NUTS".

The only way to stop a lynch mob - the ONLY way - is for men of good will to gather around and remind people that the evil ratbastard who's egging them on is, well, a fucking evil ratbastard. Simply ignoring the evil ratbastard won't stop the lynch mob. We've tried that before. It don't work. But when directly challenged, evil ratbastards will often slink away and if you do it enough, the evil ratbastard ends up bein' that wino in the public square muttering "invade their countries, kill their leaders, convert them to Christianity" while even morans avoid the reeking stench of sour wine and evil.

So no sir, I ain't takin' your advice to ignore Man Coulter. Evil ratbastards like him don't go away just because you ignore them. They just gather together a lynch mob of morans that then sweeps up otherwise normal citizens into its crusade to kill, kill, kill, kill, kill. Crap, isn't Dear Leader's holy war in Iraq proof enough of that?! Or as 18th century philosopher Edmund Burke probably didn't say, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing". That appears to be the advice here, and it is not advice that in my opinion is wise or warranted.

- Badtux the Rude Sociology Penguin

Labels: politics, wingnuts

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Gay Agenda sighting!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Labels: gay agenda, Hillary Clinton, humor, wingnuts

Monday, March 05, 2007

Support Our Troops

The next time I see some rat-fucking bastard with one of those yellow ribbons on his fat-assed SUV, I’m going to take printouts of these two stories, smash in the driver’s side window, put these on the front seat, and spray paint on the door “So when are you going to start supporting the troops, motherfucker?!”. Okay, maybe not. But look, us “lefties” (term in quotes, because as a rational Libertarian I’m about as “lefty” as Barry Goldwater, but whatever) have been raising cain for the past four years that the Bush Administration has been shitting on our veterans and the response of the Freeper yellow ribbon crowd? “You’re just being a hypocrit, if you really cared about our troops you’d support dear leader’s war!”

What the fuck does support or not of Dear Leader’s war have to do with it? We ought to be giving these poor kids the best care we can for as long as they need it, fuck the budget, do what’s RIGHT not what’s CHEAP. But the Freepi just whine “you’re trying to make Dear Leader look bad!” whenever you point that out. Excuse me? What does motivation have to do with it? Right is right, and saying “I won’t listen to you because I don’t like what you’re saying or why you’re saying it!” is the act of, well, a fucking MORON.

What’s the Freepi response to all this:

“Dana Priest=traitor.”

For real!

@#$. Dammit, these right wing rat bastards are turning me into a clone of the Rude Pundit and giving me a blood pressure of 240 over 160…

The only good news is that now that Democrats are in charge in Congress, the so-called-liberal “mainstream” press can finally start covering stories that we’ve been covering in the “alternative” press (places like antiwar.com, Raw Story, Capitol Hill Blues, etc.) for literally years. Yeah, we got a free press here in the United States. And somehow, they always seem to report whatever the ruling party wants them to report (SNORT!).

– Badtux the Rude Penguin

Labels: culture of life, health care, veterans, war on terror, wingnuts

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Stupid freeper steals my bandwidth

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1789445/posts

Bwhahahahah!

Note: the original image was Elmer Fudd. He was apparently a popular guy, because a *lot* of bandwidth stealers now have their postings saying something very different from what they intended it to say, because here's the NEW image: Yes, Jim/Jeff Guckert/Gannon, our favorite presstitute cum gay hot military prostitute stud!

Check out the following which now say something VERY different from original intent:

• some gun nut's site. Gives new meaning to phrase "starts a'popping"
• A punctuation poll. Gives new meaning to phrase "good food" bhahwhaha!
• A motorcycle site. Somehow the hunting of jackasses that he proposed ain't what the message now implies (bhahahahah!).
• Somehow I doubt that most people think of a naked hot military gay stud when they see a dead rabbit...
• A hunting site... wow, that's not the usual weapon guys use for wabbit season!
• a Battlestar Galactica site. Somehow I doubt that Captain Adama is using that particular weapon to hunt mere RABBIT, though!
• A British mobile phone site. Because doesn't *everybody* think of gay prostitutes when they see a rabbit?!
• a game site. Gives new meaning to phrase, "stuffed by Elmer Fudd".
• Seperated at birth... search for "Fudd". Funny, I don't think it was *at birth* that JimJeff and the Bigus Dickus were seperated. And this is a media site!
• 'that sucker could blow any time'... scroll to last message. *NOT* the kind of 'blow' he was wanting!

-- Badtux the Evil Penguin

PS-- It does make the original post a bit more interesting, though!

Labels: wingnuts

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

The state of right-wing punditry

About the only right wing media personality who has *not* called for the death of someone in that "oh shucks, you know, it'd be great if someone assassinated person X" manner that they use to call for assassinations is Michelle Malkin. She merely wants to intern opponents of Dear Leader as "enemies of the state", indeed, wrote an entire book defending the idea. I suppose that makes her the moral paragon of right-wing punditry. Which says something about right wing punditry, I suppose....

So why do these people still get a national voice in the media? Hmm, oh yeah, that's right. The people they want dead are the same people that Big Oil and Big Media want dead. Alrighty, then!

-- Badtux the Media Penguin

Labels: media, politics, wingnuts

Sunday, February 25, 2007

The Gay Agenda according to World Nut Daily

That mighty supervillain The Gay Agenda gets a lot of press on World Nut Daily ("A free press for a free people", for some value of "free"). A quick Google search of World Nut Daily turns up over 500 articles published there about that horrible supervillain.

So what is so horrible about The Gay Agenda, he of the iridescent tights, rainbow cape, big "G" on his chest, and his Gay Ray Gun of Gayness that he carries between his legs as he flies through the skies Superman-style? Well, clicking through some of the search results turns up some interesting facts about The Gay Agenda:

The Gay Agenda wants to be taught in elementary schools. Now, I know what you're saying -- why does a big lunk in tights, with that, err, suggestive ray gun, want to sit all akimber in one of those little 4th grade seats learning his multiplication tables along with little kids? Well, I'm not sure, but The Gay Agenda apparently went to court to make sure he got taught in elementary schools.

The Gay Agenda wants to adopt little boys and girls and use them for child sacrifices. Many states have had to actually pass LAWS prohibiting The Gay Agenda from adopting little boys and girls in their states! C'mon, the notion of some evil supervillain in tights adopting a small child ought to raise a few questions, eh?

The Gay Agenda goes around looking for pregnant girls, and when he finds one, he rips the fetus right out of her belly (this is called "Plan B", I suppose "Plan A" would be to take the girl to a normal abortion clinic). Then The Gay Agenda eats the aborted fetus as it wriggles in his rainbow-gloved hands. Once finished eating the aborted fetus, The Gay Agenda then uses the Gay Ray Gun of Gayness to force the girl to gay-marry another girl, or maybe Senator Santorum's dog or Senator Cornyn's box turtle depending on his mood.

The Gay Agenda has super-powered breath that contains Super AIDS. All that The Gay Agenda has to do is breathe on someone and that person gets AIDS. It is unknown whether this super-power is related to Rush Limbaugh's breath, which merely reeks of brimstone and reduces the IQ of anyone subjected to it by 50 points.

The Gay Agenda sneaks up on loving families at night and holds a knife to the throat of the woman and forces them to divorce and gay-marry other people and forces the children to be sad and kill themselves.

The Gay Agenda wants to put all straight people in jail, or kill them if he can't jail them.

The Gay Agenda sneaks into unsuspecting households at night, kidnaps the children, and makes them watch X-rated movies. It is unknow what The Gay Agenda's motivation for doing this is. Perhaps he is lonely and just wants company. In any event, it is clear that The Gay Agenda is a bad, bad man.

The Gay Agenda wants to marry a sheep. In other news, half of the state of Wyoming and most of the country of New Zealand goes "Ewe!".

The Gay Agenda sneaks into homes at night and replaces Bibles with Qurans, then takes the Bibles and rips the pages out to use as toilet paper. The Gay Agenda apparently has irritable bowel syndrome.

The Gay Agenda sneaks into military recruiting stations and shoots the new recruits with his Gay Ray Beam of Gayness and turns them all into swishy boys and manly girls.

The Gay Agenda invades churches and forces preachers at gunpoint to preach to The Gay Agenda. It is unknown what joy he gets from doing this. I guess being an evil supervillain means never having to explain your evil-ness.

The Gay Agenda forces nations that tolerate his presence, like Canada and the Netherlands, to be unlivable hellholes, while nations that shoot at The Gay Agenda at sight, like Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and Iran, are beautiful paradises.

Boy, I sure learn a lot about The Gay Agenda by reading World Nut Daily. The Gay Agenda is truly an evil supervillain!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Labels: gay agenda, humor, wingnuts

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Beware Teh Gay!

Meanwhile, at the bottom of that story, I see a fascinating link: "Massachusetts judge orders teaching of the Gay Agenda". Oh dear. There's that evil supervillain, The Gay Agenda, again, with his rainbow cape and the big "G" on his chest, and the Gay Ray Gun of Gayness that he uses to shoot unsuspecting boys and girls to make them Teh Gay. I guess that, as an evil supervillain, the schools turned him away earlier in life. Perhaps he would not have become a supervillain if those nasty schools had allowed him to be taught. I am glad that a Massachussets judge now is going to allow The Gay Agenda to attend school. Teaching The Gay Agenda, though, probably is going to be a bit difficult for the teacher. I mean, c'mon. Here you are, with all these little shrimpy 4th graders, then there's this big lunk wearing tights and a rainbow cape, with a big Gay Ray Gun of Gayness clutched between his legs? And you think that won't be disruptive to the learning of the other students in the class?!

No, sadly I must agree with Wingnut Daily here. Teaching The Gay Agenda in a normal classroom is just too disruptive to the learning of our students. Besides, if we allow The Gay Agenda to be taught in a regular classroom, what next? The Joker sues for admission to Gotham University? Lex Luthor requests admission to Metropolis High School? Dr. Doom demands admission to Oklahoma State? Supervillains wearing tights, alas, simply are not appropriate as students in our classrooms.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

PS: C'mon, people, I've had *ZERO* submissions for pictures of The Gay Agenda, it'd be *great* to tag these posts about that mighty supervillian with a picture of him so that wingnuts can know what they're supposed to be shuddering in fear in their homes about! Flippers, guys. Penguins have flippers. We aren't good artists, okay?!

Labels: gay agenda, humor, iraq, politics, war on terror, wingnuts

Thursday, February 22, 2007

A call for artists

I'm not quite sure what that has to do with that dastardly supervillain The Gay Agenda, but anyhow. I've been looking for a picture of The Gay Agenda and not finding one. I picture him as looking like Superman, except with a "G" rather than an "S" on his chest, and a rainbow-colored cape, flying across the sky with his arms held out in front of him in the classic Superman pose. He holds his Gay Laser of Gayness between his legs while he is flying, and it looks sorta like this pic from Shakes (notice the gay ray beams coming out the end):

Now, what I'm trying to do is put together a wanted poster for The Gay Agenda. You know, something along the lines of: "Wanted: The Gay Agenda", a picture, then a detailed description of why exactly The Gay Agenda is so evil below. Let's see: shoots superheros like Superman and Batman with his Gay Laser of Gayness and turns them into hairdressers and interior decorators (hold it, Superman and Batman already wear tights, has The Gay Agenda already got them?!), caused Osama bin Laden to attack us on 9/11, you know the drill, I'll have to troll a few right-wing sites to find out what other evil The Gay Agenda has been up to. But all of it fails without that picture of The Gay Agenda. After all, how can the brave Republic Party members cowering in their homes in fear of The Gay Agenda know what they're supposed to be scared of if they don't know what The Gay Agenda looks like? Oh the horror!

-- Badtux the "I can't draw" Penguin
Flippers, folks. Flippers are LOUSY for drawin'. Just sayin', y'know?

Labels: civil rights, gay agenda, politics, wingnuts

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The real threat to America

Yes. Teachers. Why, if we don't fire all these "teacher" fiends immediately and replace them with Bible-thumpin' preacher men to teech our childrens rite, they'll, they'll... KILL US ALL! AGGH! THE PAIN! THE PAIN! MAKE IT STOP, BABY JESUS! MAKE IT STOP!

I can't make up shit funnier than today's Republican Party. I try and I try, but... oh my aching head!

-- Badtux the "Reality is stranger than fiction" Penguin

Left: One of those dangerous "teacher" fiends tortures a room full of innocent children. Oh the horror!

Labels: politics, wingnuts

Thursday, February 15, 2007

I am Spartacus

I am by no means a radical of any sort. I don't want my government doing *anything* unless it is darn well proven to work or there is just an overwhelming consensus on the part of the people that the government needs to do it. Furthermore, I only want my government to do things that benefit we the people as a whole, not some folks overseas or just a small group of people who don't need any help from we the people as a whole. Yet somehow, I find myself in bed with liberals who are comfortable with using the power of Big Government to attack every social issue and every social ill. Why is that?

In part, it is because there is no longer a party for folks like me. Today's Republican Party is about borrow-and-spend Big Government and is filled with vile and evil people who refuse to speak up when death threats against young women are made, who speak of young women as "vile pieces of shit", who advocate raping and killing young women, who get vile demagogues like Bill Donohue who hate Jews and gays and white people (gosh who does he NOT hate? Other than his hand?) and makes excuses for child molesters and priests who rape boys to speak for the party. Today's Republican Party is all about imposing the hate-filled "Christian" ideology of a small group of very vocal radicals upon the rest of the nation at gunpoint (I put the word "Christian" in quotes because there is nothing Christian about hate). There is no place in today's Republican Party for sensible small-government conservatives because today's Republican Party is a party of ideologues, radicals, and hate. Their platform is a Big Brother nanny-state platform of imposing their peculiar morality at gunpoint upon the rest of us, and their policy is "kill the liberals", and their mouth-breathing brownshirts endorse it entirely.

Which brings up the question of the cowards who advocate raping and killing young women and their families yet somehow never manage to make it down to their local recruiter's station to sign up for their Dear Leader's little foreign war. I don't know if you've ever had a violent person threaten to kill you before. I have. Your heart starts thumping. The world suddenly assumes a terrible clarity. Then what happens next... well, I'm still alive, that's all I can say. But more insiduous is if they're threatening to kill you, and they are too cowardly to say it to your face. When you are getting anonymous phone calls at all hours of the night threatening to kill you. Then there is no respite from that adrenalin, you can't eat, you can't sleep, and you can't end the threat because they are cowards too cowardly to confront you to your face.

I have this to say about all cowards who threaten to rape and kill young women: My address is on my whois record, and my B.F. Mossberg & Sons 12 gauge tactical pump is ready and waiting. Bring it on. You mouth breathers are real brave, REAAAL brave, when it comes to making anonymous threats to young women. But Shakes ain't in this one alone. All of us who believe that hate is not an American value, who believe that all Americans, not just the ones with your perverted beliefs, are worthy of basic dignity and respect, all of us who oppose endless wars of conquest that do nothing for America and Americans, we are Spartacus. Take on one, you take on all of us. But somehow, I suspect my shotgun ain't gonna get no workout. It figures.

-- Badtux the Libertarian Penguin

Labels: politics, wingnuts

Friday, February 09, 2007

Casting call for the Flat Earth Society!

Look, whether or not global warming, or climate change, is occurring is not an issue I’m interested in debating. You likely feel passionately one way or another. But for goodness sakes, if there are two sides to the issue, then I should be hearing both sides of the story.

In other words, he doesn't care what the issue is, just that he hears both sides of the stories. So let's try that with a different issue, slightly substituting a couple of words in his statement:

Look, whether or not the earth is flat is not an issue I'm interested in debating. You likely feel passionately one way or another. But for goodness sakes, if there are two sides of the issue, then I should be hearing both sides of the story.

I will be forwarding him the latest edition of the Journal of the Flat Earth Society shortly, since obviously he wants to hear the other side of what scientists claim is a decided issue. What do those pesky scientists know, anyhow? Besides, I found Dr. Ruthen Van Fogelhorn, a geology professor at West Kansas State Community College And Day Care Center who says (thanks to the Flat Earth Society's $500 research grant to him) that the notion of a round earth is just plain balderdash! Why does the MSM only give us one side of the flat earth debate?!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

With props to Coeruleus

Labels: wingnuts

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