Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

SUV size vs. size of balls

This picture pretty much says it all: the bigger the SUV, the smaller the driver's balls, to the point where the drivers of the very biggest SUV's have no balls at all (see: soccer moms toting an entire soccer team around, or Arnold Schwartzenegger after all those steroids he took during his body-building days).

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 5/31/2006 04:22:00 PM  


Look at the bright side: it's going to cost that idiot 75 bucks to fill the tank in his tank. My one consolation every time I have to gas up has been the smug knowledge that all those morons who own Hummers are getting boned far worse than me.
# posted by Aaron : 31/5/06 5:46 PM  

Yeah, a lot of them don't have balls because they had to sell them on Ebay in order to fill their gas tanks.
# posted by thehim : 31/5/06 8:35 PM  

Uhm, dudes, look at the size of that teensy little dude pumping gas into that SUV? That dude is *TINY*! Thereby giving credence to the claim, "the bigger the SUV, the shorter the dick."

- Badtux the Scale-observing Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 31/5/06 9:53 PM  

Around here (Alabama), only women drive SUV's. It is rare to find a guy behind the wheel of a SUV. In Alabama it is also well known that the smaller the dick, the bigger the truck.
# posted by niCk (Mem Beth) : 1/6/06 5:20 AM  

Then there must be some mighty small dicks in Alabama, 'cause last time I went through there, pretty much every guy I saw was driving a pickup truck -- usually a big one.

It was like driving in a freakin' canyon, I tell ya. Here I was, in a tiny little shitbox Ford Aspire, and on my left, a mom driving an SUV, on my right, a guy driving a pickup, same deal in front and behind me (nothing but pickup trucks and SUV's). Not a car in sight. Not that I could see far, given all those monster trucks around me!

- Badtux the Travelin' Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 1/6/06 7:51 AM  

LOL. You just described my daily drive to work in my Honda Civic.
# posted by niCk (Mem Beth) : 1/6/06 8:59 AM  

Really - my sister in law, who barely tops 5 ft, drives the biggest SUV around (the pedals move up to where she can reach them)
# posted by SB Gypsy : 1/6/06 9:47 AM  

Hmm, apropos of nothing, Kathy Varis, who has bigger cojones than most guys, drives a Toyota Corolla, albeit for other reasons (heh!). And yeah, she barely tops 5 feet...

# posted by BadTux : 1/6/06 10:14 AM  

I do most of my travelling on foot, and I live about four miles away from the fancy cookie-cutter homes in Wonder Bread Suburbia. Foresters, Yukons, Suburbans, Land Cruisers -- you name it, I see at least three of it every damn day. Soccer Moms driving their Ritalin-laden kids all over creation for video games, clarinet lessons, and Vacation Bible School when they aren't strung out on wine and Xanax in front of General Hospital. Mayberry Dads tooling around from the high rise office to the golf course to the Masonic temple to the downtown apartment the Soccer Wife doesn't know about for blowjobs with whatever money's left over after paying for all the other crap.

Fine, let 'em drive their SUVs all they want. But if one of these perpetually distracted m'fugs hits me with their vehicle and I survive with my wits intact, I'm going to become borderline wealthy in a hurry...
# posted by Mimus Pauly : 1/6/06 11:27 AM  

I had a small economical car then Rita flodded it, now I drive an old beat up ford. I have to check to see if there is a size difference. ;-)
# posted by Ole Blue The Heretic : 1/6/06 12:41 PM  

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