Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Good news from Iraq
The new Constitution passed with 120% of the vote! Graveyards all over Iraq turned out in record numbers, especially in the province of Ninevah, a majority-Sunni province which, nevertheless, voted 78% in favor of the new Constitution, thanks to a heavy turnout from the majority-Kurdish cemetaries in the city of Mosul.
When pressed about the vote totals, Iraqi officials were defensive. "People should not be deprived of their voting rights just because they are dead!" shouted Iraqi elections commission president Adel Al Lami, prior to jumping over his desk and attacking this reporter with a scimiter. Sunni officials interviewed after this reporter managed to escape to the relative safety of an insurgent kidnap vehicle were less sanguine, muttering "this reminds me of how Saddam conducted elections.
Meanwhile, U.S. Army officers merely shrugged. "It wouldn't surprise me if the election was rigged," said a U.S. Army officer in Mosul who requested anonymity and who worked on security arrangements for the poll with Iraqi security and election officials. "I don't even trust our election process."
Nebraska senator Chuck Hagel, contacted by this reporter, blames the fiasco on Iraq not using ES&S voting machines. "If they'd just used my company's machines, they wouldn't have these silly numbers," he chuckled. "Every time my machines re-elect me, do you see anybody question the results? No? So there!"
President Bush, in a press conference today, congratulated the Iraqi government on its excellent job of waving the magic wand of "Elections" and throwing the magic pixie dust of "Democracy" over the fetid cesspool of hunger and violence that is Iraq. "Why, shore as shootin', purt soon now you won't be able ta tell tha dif'rence 'tween Iraq and Texas!" the President said jocularily.
Upon hearing this, three ranking members of the Iraqi government committed suicide.
And that's the news from today,
- Badtux the Reporter Penguin
Posted by: BadTux / 10/18/2005 02:36:00 PM
"It wouldn't surprise me if the election was rigged," said a U.S. Army officer in Mosul who requested anonymity and who worked on security arrangements for the poll with Iraqi security and election officials. "I don't even trust our election process."
Guess who's not going to get to talk to the president.
# posted by NewsBlog 5000 : 18/10/05 4:26 PM
Scotty McClellan: "Are you questioning the sincere desire of these dead people to be free?"
# posted by kc : 18/10/05 7:36 PM
# posted by SB Gypsy : 19/10/05 7:15 AM
I guess that means they have a real American-style democracy after all.
# posted by DBK : 19/10/05 12:55 PM
Yup ...And don't forget the Prisons were allowed to vote- yup...dead people and prisons...they don't match the scenes of CNN- the Counters picking up half empty Tupperware Bins aka Lockboxes and then the votes being counted by hand by FLASHLIGHT....my son walked in and saw the CNN story (sarcasm is hereditary))" ohhh, Look Bush didn't bring them democracy, he brought them Tupperware- He must be So Proud!!!"....you have a great blog, I have lurked here often...
# posted by enigma4ever : 19/10/05 2:39 PM
It never ceases to amaze me how well the Iraqis have taken to Democracy, Texas-style.
# posted by StealthBadger : 23/10/05 11:20 AM