Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

New man has new plan to fix New Orleans

In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, FEMA Director Mike "Good job, Brownie!" Brown has resigned, and is now being replaced by firefighter David Paulison.

Asked what his plan was for rebuilding New Orleans and assisting those who are now homeless, Mr. Paulison had a simple and pithy recommendation:"Duct tape. And plastic sheeting." He noted that these two substances were not only useful for defending against terror attacks, but also were useful for defending against other terror weapons -- like water, say. At the very least, if the levee broke again, you could make your very own boat using duct tape and plastic sheeting and float to safety.

Asked what his favorite foods were, Mr. Paulison responded "Duct tape. And plastic sheeting." This reporter ended the interview at that point.

In financial news, stocks of Home Depot were up today upon reports of heavy sales of duct tape and plastic sheeting. Reports that new FEMA head David Paulison has stock in Home Depot are thus far uncomfirmed.

And that is the news for today, here from the Department of Homeland Security, where we just finished interviewing new FEMA head David "Duct Tape" Paulison...

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 9/13/2005 12:27:00 AM  


I smell the remake of the A-Team.

Episode 1
In order to save a family farm from evil prospectors, BA, Hannibal and Face build a tank out of Duct Tape and plastic sheeting, while Murdock somehow chases down the terrorists in a surplus local news copter.

Episode 2
In order to save a small town with a horrible virus, BA and Hannibal build a hospital out of Duct Tape and plastic sheeting, while Murdock rescues Face from terrorists who have taken the cure.

Episode 3
In order to save his uncle's ice cream business, Face builds a freezer out of Duct Tape and plastic sheeting, while BA, Hannibal and Murdock figure out which frozen confectionary competitor who has gone too far.

Episode 4
While BA is down with the clap, Murdock is kidnapped by one of BA's old enemies. Hannibal and Face arrange a prisoner exchange by using a fake BA made from plastic sheets and duct tape.

I think we're on to something here.
# posted by NewsBlog 5000 : 13/9/05 7:46 PM  

Because if you can't fix it, duct it.
# posted by Lab Kat : 13/9/05 10:10 PM  

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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.

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"Keep fighting for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce." -- Molly Ivins, 1944-2007 "The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men."

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