Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Changed my mind

My car doesn't work very well. It burns a lot of gas. It has a bouncy ride. I keep having to take it to the dealership to get them to fix problems.

It is clear that the solution to my car problems is to ban cars.

Similarly, the public high school down the street doesn't work very well. Most of the Hispanic students don't graduate. Of those who do, only half have the skills needed for the modern workforce.

The solution to my local public school's problems are clear. Better teachers, more resources, etc. won't work. There's only one thing that will work: banning public schools.

Nevermind that most college graduates graduated from public schools. Nevermind that every country without public schools is a fetid third-world hellhole because the majority of the population lacks the education to contribute to a modern economy. Nevermind that every country that outperforms us educationally does so using public schools. Public schools may work for Germans, or Japanese, or (gasp) Canadians, but it is clear that they cannot work for Americans because Americans are not Germans, or Japanese, or Canadians. Americans are actually human, while Germans, and Japanese, and Canadians are untermenschen and thus to be disdained, ignored, and dismissed.

Thus we must ban public schools, because they don't work. Only in that way can we achieve our national destiny of being Mexico with better roads.

Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 8/11/2005 09:18:00 PM  


Now there's the clear thinking America needs! Thank you! I'm going to write up a bunch of flyers and pass them around. See if I can get a bunch of people behind your ideas!
# posted by oldwhitelady : 12/8/05 7:53 AM  

In the New World Order, the only thing our peasants need to know how to do is point a rifle and pull a trigger. Why do we even need edcuation at all? It just makes 'em uppity
# posted by Neocon Resurgens (B Miller :)) : 12/8/05 11:31 AM  

Once again BadTux, you are the voice of reason. I was so inspired, I made up this graphic for you.

# posted by NewsBlog 5000 : 12/8/05 11:35 AM  

I concur wholeheartedly with Neocons Resurgens. Dear Leader's heroic efforts to transform our country back to a serf-based economy are only being hindered by the pesky presence of public schools. In the Glorious Christian Utopia of the near future, only two skillsets will be required: the aforementioned ability to pull a trigger, and the technical knowledge to operate an engine lathe without losing any limbs. Old enough to walk, old enough to work!
# posted by Pope Horatio Tyrannosaurus Nixon Rex : 12/8/05 2:07 PM  

Jesus hates public education.
# posted by Fixer : 12/8/05 2:19 PM  

But, but, but....what happens when the roads break down and nobody knows how to fix them? Are we not going to be Number One any more? Behind...gasp...Mexico?
# posted by coturnix : 12/8/05 2:31 PM  

The only people who will say we are behind the Mexicans will be the pinko commie leftists…and the Mexicans, of course.
# posted by NewsBlog 5000 : 12/8/05 3:11 PM  

The way I see it, if we can ban public education, then eliminating all those pinko commie libruls will be a cakewalk. And once that's accomplished, we'll be number one forever and ever, cuz no one who cares what the Mexicans think will be around to bother us anymore...
# posted by Mimus Pauly : 12/8/05 8:29 PM  

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