Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Room temperature Freeper IQ: Farenheit or Celcius?

As we all know, Freepers have a room temperature IQ. The only question is whether it is room temperature as measured in Farenheit (i.e., app. 72), or in Celcius (i.e., app. 20). Let us add a data point: Freeper reactions to a California judge stating that bars on same-sex marriage between two consenting adults are illegal under the California constitution's Equal Protection clause.

So here's the Freeper response:

  1. If gays are allowed to marry, why not Michael Jackson and his pre-pubescent boyfriends? WHACK WHACK WHACK! Five lashes with a rotten herring, you stupid freeper! What part of "consenting adult" do you not understand?! Same deal with dogs and box turtles, thank you, who like children lack the ability to consent (thank you, Senators Cornyn and Santorum, for being f'ing MORONS). One vote for Celcius!
  2. ... what about polygamy? Yeah? What about it? WHACK WHACK WHACK! Five lashes with a rotten herring, you stupid freeper! Learn to count, you f'ing morons. See this finger? That's one. *ONE*. See this other finger? This finger plus that finger is *TWO*. T-W-O. Doh! What part of "*TWO* consenting adults" do you freeping morons not understand anyhow? But what the hey, I should expect that counting to two is too much for a Freeper to manage... One vote for Celcius!
  3. ... astonishing that a judge can override the people... Uhm, dude, the law is the law. If you don't like the law, change it. Don't ignore it or say "well, the majority no longer likes the law, so we don't need to follow it." Why do Freepers hate law and order? WHACK WHACK WHACK three lashes with a rotten herring, you law-and-order hating Freeper! But this one I'll count as a vote for Farenheit, since there do exist laws that ARE worth ignoring, such as laws which take away God-given rights from people (such as the segregation-era Jim Crow laws).
  4. "It appears that no rational purpose exists for limiting marriage in this state to opposite-sex partners," Kramer wrote. "rational" completely relative to a bleeding heart wussy liberal... WHACK WHACK WHACK! *TEN* lashes with a rotten herring, you stupid freeper! Whatsa matter, you too freepin' stupid to come up with even *one* rational reason for limiting marriage in this state to opposite-sex partners? One? O-N-E? What, that's too high a number for a freeper to count to? *TWO* votes for Celcius! T-W-O! One for being a freepin' moron. And one for proving that the judge is right by not being able to come up with even one - O-N-E - rational reason why gay marriage should be prohibited.
  5. Did the Judge ALSO approve marriages of live people with dead people WHACK! That's a full-fledged whack with a rotten herring. What part of "consenting adults" did you not understand, you stupid freeper? You're saying that dead people are capable of consenting to marriage? Of walking down the aisle and saying 'I Do'? Next thing you know, you'll be whining that dead people ought to have the right to vote too! One vote for Celcius.
  6. Judges are out of control Oh WAHHH! Poor freeper upset that a judge ruled according to what the LAW said, rather than according to what HE wanted! WAHHH!! Poor baby freeper, here, have a rotten herring... WHACK WHACK WHACK! But I'll give this a Farenheit IQ vote, since there definitely do exist judges who do rule in arbitrary and bizarre ways.
But this penguin tires of this game. WHACK WHACK WHACK! Stupid freepers! What part of "logic" and "facts" do you not understand?! Two votes for Celcius IQ!

Final score:

  1. Celcius IQ: 7 votes
  2. Farenheit IQ: 2 votes
This it's a landslide: It is now scientifially proven that Freeper IQ ranges from 20 to 25, rather than 68 to 78!

Boy, glad we got that out of our system... my eyes! Oh my aching head! I only managed to read two pages of Freeper "thought" (hah!), and have already felt my IQ drop a good 50 points, from 200IQ to a mere genius 150IQ! After reading this bilge for day after day, year after year, it's no WONDER that Freepers are freepin' morons with a room-temperature IQ -- in Celcius, no less!

- Badtux the "Oh my head!" Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 3/15/2005 01:16:00 PM  


"... astonishing that a judge can override the people..."
Funny thing, that, ;ike the judges who prevent the employees of corporations that raid the pension fund from tarring and feathering the CEO and board directors. Or the judges who ruled that W's rights had to be protected, and, so, prevented a recount in Florida that might have given the election to the candidate with the majority of the popular vote. Funny that these judges are allowed to prevent such things, isn't it?
# posted by Anonymous : 15/3/05 5:17 PM  

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