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Badtux the Snarky PenguinIn a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin. Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped. |
Monday, March 21, 2005Eh, sonny? Speak up, I'm a soldier! So now we hear that the enlistment age is being raised to 39 years of age due to enlistment shortfalls.
It is unlikely, however, that the members of the fearsome 101st Fighting Keyboarders such as Jonah Goldberg will hurry forth to enlist, meaning that even more drastic measures will need to be taken. Thus my new proposal, which will both solve the enlistment crisis and insure the future solvency of both Social Security and Medicare: Require military service in order to receive Social Security benefits! Walkers and hearing aids will be provided to our brave new fighting forces, and the enemy will die (laughing) at the very sight of our new legions as they shuffle into battle in the uniform of the 101st Fighting Geriatrics -- bathrobes and fuzzy slippers. But hey, a M-16 doesn't care how old the person pulling the trigger is! Oh sure, old eyes aren't as sharp as young ones, but look, modern scope technology helps a lot with that. As for reflexes, sure, their reflexes suck, but they counter that with wisdom! Well, there's the problem of old fingers being trembly and maybe pulling the trigger too often, but hey, that's a problem with young soldiers too, so what's the big deal? I think it is clear that the future of our nation and victory in Iraq both depend on it! So I urge you, call your Congressman today, and urge him that, since it is obvious that recruiting requirements cannot be met in any other way, we should up the maximum age to 75 and require anybody between ages 61 and 75 to join the Army in order to get Social Security! - Badtux the Snarky Penguin
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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys. ArchivesApril 2004 / December 2004 / January 2005 / February 2005 / March 2005 / April 2005 / May 2005 / June 2005 / July 2005 / August 2005 / September 2005 / October 2005 / November 2005 / December 2005 / January 2006 / February 2006 / March 2006 / April 2006 / May 2006 / June 2006 / July 2006 / August 2006 / September 2006 / October 2006 / November 2006 / December 2006 / January 2007 / February 2007 / March 2007 / April 2007 / May 2007 / June 2007 / July 2007 / August 2007 /
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"Keep fighting for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce." -- Molly Ivins, 1944-2007
"The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men."
-- Plato
Are you a spammer? Then send mail to my spamtrack mailbox to get permenantly banned! Remember, that's iamstupid@badtux.org (hehehhe!).
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