Saturday, February 26, 2005
Alabama wins a battle in their War on Fun(tm)
I cannot believe that I did not blog this when it happened. But so it goes, this penguin spent too much time at work last week (sigh)... so here goes:
We all know, now, about the War on Fun(tm). Religious conservatives are motivated by the suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this requires the full power of the State to put a stop to it. Their dyspeptic faces are constantly on the lookout for anybody who might somehow, someway, be having fun -- which, in their deranged worldview of fire and brimstone, is Satanic and thus must be stopped.
Now, courtesy of Bitch, PhD., it is brought to my attention that Alabama outlaws sex toys and that the Supreme Court is letting it stand.
Remember, boys and girls: sex is fun. That means that sex is evil, unless you're doing it for procreation, and even then you should do everything possible to make sure you're not having fun. Like, missionary position only, thank you. Man on top. No foreplay, that's disgusting. And make sure to keep an image in your mind that will keep you from having fun. Like Dick Cheney naked, his flabby man-tits sagging in the breeze, making hot Republican love to Ann Coulter. Oooh, ick! And look, I know you're going to have trouble keeping it up with such an image in your mind. That's why our good friend Bob Dole is here, with the perfect pharmaceutical solution, guaranteed! And if your woman says she has a headache, well, you're a man, right? You gonna let her get away with that? Well gosh darn it, good Republicans just know how to pleasure a woman, right? Right?!
These people who think that sex toys are evil are sick. Sick sick sick. You can see the self-disgust on their bitter, angry faces. As a good Libertarian I tend toward Oscar Wilde's philosophy (or was it Dorothy Sayers?): what people do with each other sexually (or to themselves sexually) is no business of me and mine, as long as they don't do it out on the streets where it could scare the horses. But these humorless busy-bodies who want to intrude the long arm of the State into the bedroom because, since they aren't having any fun, they want to make sure nobody else is having fun either... what a sad, pathetic bunch they are. This penguin wishes to apply the Paddle of Correction to each of them -- in a loving way, of course -- and then introduce them to the pleasures of hot penguin love, complete with herring foreplay. Alas, so many dyspeptic sourpusses, too few snarky penguins... alas, alas, the nation doomed for lack of flightless waterfowl, whatever shall we do?!
- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
Posted by: BadTux / 2/26/2005 10:56:00 AM
And make sure to keep an image in your mind that will keep you from having fun. Like Dick Cheney naked, his flabby man-tits sagging in the breeze, making hot Republican love to Ann Coulter. Oooh, ick! And look, I know you're going to have trouble keeping it up with such an image in your mind. That's why our good friend Bob Dole is here, with the perfect pharmaceutical solution, guaranteed!Why, oh why must you torture me with such an image as this one?
# posted by Dr. Haus : 28/2/05 7:06 AM
Hmm, okay, how's this image: The same as the above one, but Bob Dole is standing beside them looking at the camera saying "You thought you couldn't get it up after seeing this sight, but thanks to Vie-agra, you can!"
- Badtux the Visual Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 28/2/05 12:41 PM
- Name: BadTux
- Location: Some iceberg, South Pacific, Antarctica
I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.
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