Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

The cyborg threat to national security!

HTML bearbeiten! Verfassen! Vorshau! Yes, my German lessons at the hand of continue. And now, drum roll please, the nation's top cop has the scoop on the next big crime threat: Man-machine cyborgs in the employ of organized crime gangs. Yeah, just like in the manga.

It is with a sense of disappointment that I read further and realize that this guy is the top cop of Australia, not of the United States. What, we no longer have the monopoly on moronic coppers here in the old USA? We're no longer #1 in the moronic coppers business? I simply refuse to believe it. After all, a nation where our top copper predicts terror attacks by scrying his stomach growls (and perhaps by how much his corns ache) simply HAS to have a top copper, somewhere, who predicts future threats to the nation equally as fantastical. He just hasn't managed to make it to a microphone yet to utter his screed, that's all!

-- Badtux the "USA! USA! USA!" Penguin
Post veröffentlichen, gosh darn it!

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Posted by: BadTux / 7/19/2007 04:57:00 PM  1 comments  

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Give these folks a prize!

It seems that the TSA has uncovered yet another group of people that threatens America: Dead people.

Yes, dead people. As in, deceased. Passed away. Gone to meet their maker. Cremated, no less. The brave and mighty warriors of the TSA have figured out, apparently, that dead people make the best suicide bombers because, like, they're already dead. At least, that's all I can figure from the fact that the TSA cleared out a concourse at Miami International Airport because of a suspicious cremated dead person.

I must applaud the brave folks at the TSA for protecting us from suicidal dead people. Especially cremated ones. These brave TSA employees most certainly deserve a prize for their brilliance in protecting us from those dastardly dead fiends. I doubt, however, that said prize shall be a Nobel Prize. Perhaps an IgNobel...

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Hmm, appears that Dumbka is down at the moment. See the original Miami Herald news byte, which, strangely enough, is not indexed by Google News. Hmm.... is Google part of the vast cremated zombie threat to America?! Curious penguins want to know!


Posted by: BadTux / 7/17/2007 12:33:00 AM  2 comments  

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Air travel really stinks

I mean, really. It's bad enough that you have to run the gauntlet of TSA employees stealing your tasty pudding or groping your breasts (hmm, wonder if President Dick Cheney has his breasts groped when he flies commercial? Woo!) while letting people with knives carry them onto planes (granted, that was the British version of the TSA, but plenty of testers have managed to get knives and even guns past the TSA) and doing nothing about real security holes, but now you have actual real, live raw sewage running down the aisles?

I think my next trip "back home" I'll let the 'Hound do the driving...

-- Badtux the Flightless Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 6/21/2007 10:15:00 AM  4 comments  

Sunday, June 17, 2007

War Porn

War. Death, destruction, killing. To quote a great poet, "War. Huh. What is it good for?"

War does not create. War does not add anything. All war does is destroy. All war does is consume. War does not help economies, because everything created to fight wars does nothing to make people's lives better. Instead, the bullets and bombs and weapons are destroyed by the act of using them, as if the output of those factories had simply been thrown into a bottomless pit. War takes wealth, and turns it into murder.

Yes, murder. I use that word. War is murder. War is the taking of human lives. War is blood and guts and dead children lying in streets and the smell of piss and shit and the screaming of women and wails of children as they die in the crossfire. War is starvation and thirst, as the supply lines of civilization that keep civilians alive collapse in a hail of bombs and bullets and children shit their lives out in the street from drinking contaminated water and women are shot in the head and guts as they venture out of their homes searching for water and food for their children. Those who fight wars do not do anything glorious, unless you are the serial killer Hannibal Lector and believe that the removal of human life from this planet is the most reverent and sacred act that can be done. War is organized murder committed by governments in pursuit of whatever interests the leaders of those governments are pursuing.

Those who fight wars stink. Literally. For the warrior, war means that bathing becomes a seldom-done thing. The cake of dirt and rancid sweat and oil turns your hair into an oily greasy stuff on top of your head that, trapped under your helmet, fells like some sort of animal clasping your scalp. The acrid smell of rancid body oil and sweat and dirt is a bitter taste in your mouth (your nose has long since shut down and no longer smells it). Your underwear is filthy with urine and with feces because toilet paper is in short supply on the front lines. Sometimes you lay on top of your shit -- if your squad is pinned down and you can't move and you gotta go, well, it's a case of shovel a little dirt out on one side of whatever hole you're hiding in using the butt of your rifle, roll over, drop pants, dump, wipe with whatever you got to wipe with, roll back over, shove a little dirt back to try to cover it up enough to keep from squishing it all over you when you move around. This is oh so glorious and glamorous. And never seen when the war porn comes on.

If the war porn -- the movies, video games, and books that describe war -- ever tried to reflect the reality of war rather than some airbrushed glamorized fiction, people would run screaming from the movie theatres. Teenage boys would stare in shock at their video games as their brother or sister or mother or father were dismembered by a bullet in front of their face, begging for mercy, begging for a bullet to put them out of their misery. But of course the war porn does no such thing. Instead, it paints war as glamor and courage and bravery, as a glorious quest that turns a boy into a man.

And so we soak in war porn, every day. War porn comes on our evening news, a curiously sanitized pornography where war happens, yet nobody dies, where there are no dismembered bodies of children lying around on the ground after a 500 pound bomb blows up a daycare, where the men fighting the war look like movie stars instead of people who are very much in need of a bath, where the smell is never described. The smell. Ah yes, the smell. It is, indeed, lucky for the war pornographer that television has no way to transmit smells.

And so the death and destruction goes on, and everybody salutes and goes "hip hip hoorah!" as the war porn plays on their movie and tv screens. And the word "war", which should be a filthy word like "cunt", "nigger", "fuck", and "bitch", instead is used as a word for glorious quests like the War on Drugs, the War on Terrorism, the war on... well, I suppose this is all appropriate, in a way, since the War on Drugs, War on Terrorism, etc., involve the mass destruction of thousands of human lives as white American claps and says "Yeah! Another porch monkey caged! Another spic sent to jail! Another sand nigger killed like a dog! U S A! U S A!". But the horror of war is not, of course, what most people think of when they see the word "war" used in this way. Instead, all they see is the airbrushed glamor of the war porn in which they are immersed each day.

And so it goes, in the Delusional States of America, land of the war porn and home of the sheeple...

-- Badtux the Porn Penguin

Comment on this over at the Mockingbird's place

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Posted by: BadTux / 6/17/2007 11:28:00 PM  

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day

... and this apparently was World Nut Daily's time to be right -- about how the Busheviks are stripping Homeland Security in order to feed the Iraq quagmire.

Of course, it took them *years* to notice that the Busheviks were doing this, while those of us in Blogistan have been ranting about it since, well, since a few months after Mission Accomplished Day when it became apparent that the Busheviks weren't getting us out of Iraq anytime soon including all the firefighters and cops who were in the National Guard in Iraq instead of here protecting us. But hey, they're tighty righties. It takes a while for the thoughts to ooze around in their heads and get to where they can do some good. So let's give'em some slack, eh?

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
Note: yeah, just got home *again*. The treatise on behavior modification and the notions of "sin" and "redemption" is hereby delayed yet another day. Here, have a snark snack.

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Posted by: BadTux / 5/17/2007 08:51:00 PM  2 comments  

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Random nonsense

Reminder: People are people. Good or evil doesn't depend on race, nationality, hair color, or economic status. On average, the typical backwoods aborigine in the furthest depths of the Amazon is no more or less noble than any other human being on the planet. Except neo-cons. But neo-cons, like the Sith, chose to go to the dark side. That free will thing.

Some Bible kiddy came around here and spit out a buncha verses that "prove" that Man is inherently evil. I pointed out that his verses weren't even 1/10th of 1% of the Bible and that a handful of verses out of context didn't mean diddly, but I'm not quite sure of that. Anyhow, it's not true. I've travelled all over this country and in a variety of places in the world, and people is people. Mostly apathetic, mostly self-absorbed and concerned only with whatever is happening in their own lives, true. But evil? No. To me, "evil" means that you actually go out of your way to do bad things. And I just have not met many people like that. And I've met a fair number of people who you probably would not want to invite home for dinner, given the fact that I taught in ghetto schools in two different locations. I've met misguided people. I've met stupid people. I've met people who will come to no good end. But I've met precious few people who actually go out of their way to do harm to others simply to do evil, and the one that I remember best is a neo-con "Christian" from Houston who was always ranting and railing about how he didn't want any of his tax money going to pay for schools for "niggers". (Yes, he used that word, at his own private dinner parties, one of which I attended in hopes of getting donations for the school I was teaching at). If the Bible appears to contradict reality, well, either the Bible is wrong or you are reading the Bible wrong. Pick your poison. If you're a Christian who believes the Bible is Truth, the only conclusion you can come to at that point is that your feeble human reading skills simply aren't capable of fetching God's truth out of text written in human language. If you're not a Christian, feel free to consider the Bible just another bunch of snake oil bunkum intended to seperate sheeple from their money.

Who the hell is Mike Gravel? Some cranky 77 year old who is running for President, apparently. He apparently had to take a city bus merely to get to the Washington Press Club to announce his candidacy. A Democrat of the old populist podium-pounding type. While I agree with some of his stuff, I'm not voting for him -- he's just too goddamned old. But he had some good quotes at the "debate" last week:

  • I got to tell you, we should just plain get out. Just plain get out. [... ] It’s [Iraq] their country. They’re asking us to leave, and we insist on staying there.
  • You know what’s worse than a soldier dying in vain? More soldiers dying in vain.
  • ... this war was lost the day that George Bush invaded Iraq on a fraudulent basis.
  • George Bush communicated over a year ago that he would not get out of Iraq until he left office. Do we not believe him? ... How do you get out? You pass the law, not a resolution, a law making it a felony to stay there.
  • This invasion brought about more terrorism. Osama bin Laden must have been rolling in his blankets, how happy he was, our invading Iraq.

And oh -- it's the Fourth Annual Mission Accomplished Day, where we declared victory in Iraq... and then didn't go home. Given that we won on May 1, 2003 -- why, The Decider even said we did -- why are we still in Iraq? Mike Gravel is right. We should just plain get out.

-- Badtux the Random Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 5/01/2007 10:56:00 AM  9 comments  

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

If our leaders don't lie, the terrorists win!

Jessica Lynch told Congress, "The bottom line is the American people are capable of determining their own ideals for heroes, and they don’t need to be told elaborate lies."

Silly girl. Everybody knows that if our leaders don't lie, the TERRORISTS WIN! And Little Baby Jesus will cry. Haven't you heard? Mayor Rudy says that if lying politicians can't be elected to office, another terrorist attack will happen. Because, you know, no terrorist attack has ever happened while a Republican President was in office, or while a Republican Mayor was in charge of New York city. And the only proper response to al Qaeda bombing the World Trade Center in 1993 was... uhm... moving the city's disaster management center into the World Trade Center? WTF?! But hey, none of that matters, because Mayor Rudy looks simply mahhhhvelous in pink... So remember, boys and girls. We must elect politicians that lie (especially politicians who look pretty in pink), or the terrorists will swim across the Atlantic Ocean with knives between their teeth, sneak into our bedrooms at night, and kill us all!!!!!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/25/2007 12:25:00 PM  3 comments  

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Another enemy of the people spotted!

Why, if we can't keep ex-Marine distinguished Constitutional law scholars from boarding planes, why, why... they might KILL US ALL with their Law Textbooks of Mass Destruction!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/10/2007 03:59:00 PM  0 comments  

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Leiberman Democrats want more Americans dead in Iraq

"Americans want to win", said Leiberman Democratic leader Harold Ford (R-DLC). Err, yes. I hate to break it to Mr. Ford, but we already won in Iraq. Held a huge party on an aircraft carrier and all that way back on May 1, 2003. Even had a banner up there, that said "Mission Accomplished!", and the President of the United States struttin' across an aircraft carrier deck with sock-stuffed crotch making Republican pundettes swoon everywhere and making a purty speech and all about major combat operations being done because -- get this -- we WON. We beat Saddam handily. Not only did we disarm Saddam's weapons of mass destruction (okay, okay, so there were none, but they're disarmed, gosh darn it!), but Saddam and his evil sons are both dead, either by our bullets or through our proxies' hangman's noose.

Now, I dunno where Mr. Ford was when we won. Maybe he was hiding under a rock or something. Maybe he had a five-day marathon hiking trip through the Washington Mall during that time frame, and never caught up with the news or something. But hey, Mr. Ford -- we won. All that's happened since is just our soldiers getting caught in the middle of someone else's bloody civil war. How can we "win" someone else's civil war?

We won. Shit, we even already declared victory. It's time to bring the troops home, MORON -- and the majority of the American people agree.

-- Badtux the Mission Accomplished Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/29/2007 04:55:00 PM  1 comments  

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

NYPD spying on America

Hmm. Apparently the NYPD is under the impression that their job now includes spying on people who don't like Republicans. Funny, I thought the job of the police was to protect me from criminals, not to protect me from folks saying things I don't want to hear. But oops, I forgot! Remember, the terrorists hate us for our freedoms. If we don't destroy our freedoms before the terrorists can do so, the terrorists win! If we don't spy on our fellow Americans or shut them up when they say things we don't like, why, those nasty islamofascists will swim across the Atlantic with box cutters in their teeth and KILL US ALL!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/27/2007 12:57:00 PM  3 comments  

Monday, March 19, 2007

On war

You cannot qualify war in harsher terms than I will. War is cruelty, and you cannot refine it; and those who brought war into our country deserve all the curses and maledictions a people can pour out. ... You might as well appeal against the thunder-storm as against these terrible hardships of war. They are inevitable, and the only way the people [...] can hope once more to live in peace and quiet at home, is to stop the war, which can only be done by admitting that it began in error and is perpetuated in pride.

-- William Tecumseh Sherman, 1864

At 9:30pm EST on March 19, 2003, the first bombs dropped on Baghdad, part of a massive bombing campaign that coincided with a military campaign to disarm Saddam's weapons of mass destruction prevent Saddam from harboring al Qaeda terrorists liberate Iraqis like these very well liberated Iraqis:
Before the inevitable objections "but we didn't *intend* to kill little girls!", bullshit. When you choose to go to war, you choose to kill little girls. Period. To quote a man who knew war, "War is cruelty, and you cannot refine it". If you intend to go to war, you intend to kill little girls. Period. If you are not willing to kill little girls, then you are not willing to go to war. Those who chose to go to war -- which was some 65% of the American population in 2003 -- implicitly chose to kill little girls. They might claim that this is not what they chose, but they lie. You might as well appeal against the thunder-storm as against these terrible hardships of war. They are inevitable. Choose war, and you choose to kill little girls.

Four years later, little girls are still dying. As are American soldiers, but they are a tiny, tiny tiny percentage of the dead. Over 650,000 Iraqis have died over the past four years -- or more Iraqis than Saddam managed to kill in his entire 25 year reign. As a people we Americans focus on the dead American soldiers only because we are an ignorant, self-interested people who view anybody who is not American as untermenschen, inhuman, just two-legged cockroaches to be exterminated like vermin. As a people we are cruel and heartless towards anybody who isn't part of our own little enclave of hairless monkeys with delusions of grandeur. We are maliciously vindictive towards anybody who points out that we're just monkeys and no better than any other monkeys on this planet and that we're being cruel and vicious. And little girls still die. And little girls still die.

How many little girls will die before our leaders stop the war, which can only be done by admitting that it began in error and is perpetuated in pride? How many little girls must die before the piteous mewling of self-interest politicians more interested in political gamesmanship and bullshit do what's right instead of what's expedient? How many? And for what purpose?

"Freedom isn't free," the wingnuts cry. But it seems to me that it is the Iraqi people who are paying the price, especially the 50% of the Iraqi population that is below the age of 18. They are dying by the hundreds of thousands. They are paying the price. How dare we say that we should choose their deaths? Should not the price of freedom be one that the Iraqis themselves decide for themselves? But I forget, they are mere untermenchen, mud people, just filthy cockroaches. They cannot liberate themselves. They need fine white ubermenschen American GI's to do that.

And so they die. And so they die. For no purpose that anybody can tell me. Stop civil war? It's happening. Stop al Qaeda from setting up in Iraq? They're there. Stop ethnic cleansing? It's happening. Prevent a refugee crisis? It's happening. Even the "war for oil" reason, in the end, fails. There is no oil in Baghdad. Yet our soldiers fight and kill and die in Baghdad. For what reason, other than for the sake of ignorance and pride? How many more young girls must die, before we admit that the war was begun in error and perpetuated in pride, and bring the soldiers home?

The answer, sadly, is too many. Far too many. And the answer of the wingnuts is... clap louder. Ah yes. Clap louder. But this penguin, for one, is tired of clapping.

- Badtux the War Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/19/2007 01:50:00 PM  3 comments  

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Welcome to your new bedroom, child

This Iraqi child, standing in the rubble of her bedroom destroyed by American shells, isn't throwing flowers.

American soldiers justify themselves by saying "the terrorists hide amongst the people." Of course, the "terrorists" ARE the people of Iraq. They aren't "hiding" there. They live there.

Soldiers tell themselves what they have to tell themselves in order to stay alive. Soldiers tell themselves what they have to tell themselves to keep from going crazy. They tell themselves these things, but 25% of troops returning from Iraq suffer PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). They tell themselves they're killing "terrorists", but deep down inside, they know the truth. They can't hide from the truth. They live the truth, every day. And it chews them up inside.

I'd talk more, but American Idol is coming up. If I don't find out who Simon insults today, why... why... gosh, it'll be just the end of the world! We gotta have our priorities straight after all. Why should I bother my beautiful mind when none of my immediate family is in Iraq? It's time to clap harder, harder I say! Dear Leader says so, and Dear Leader loves me and wants only the best for me!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/17/2007 07:13:00 PM  3 comments  

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Chiquita + terrorists: BFF?

Hoo boy.

Remember, if we don't pay off the terrorists, the terrorists have won!

Although, given Chiquita's past history, it might just be birds of a feather flocking together... Chiquita + terrorists: Best Friends Forever?

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/15/2007 04:33:00 PM  1 comments  

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

What's wrong with this picture?

Let's say that you have a country. It's the most advanced country in the region, with a first-class medical system.

Let's say that your country was invaded four years ago, but now you're a government official for this country and say that everything's okay and back to normal.

Question: Where do you go to get treated if you have a medical condition?

Answer: Jordan.

Response of wingnuts: If the President of the United States had to fly to France for medical treatment because proper medical treatment was not available in his own country, that would be news. If the President of Iraq has to fly to Jordan because proper medical treatment was not available in his own country... err... Oh look! Over there! A stupid blond actress is having a baby! Woot!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/14/2007 01:12:00 PM  5 comments  

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

General Pace clarifies morality for us

So, war is not immoral, lack of health care is not immoral, sending people to war who do not have adequate training or equipment is not immoral, sending sick and crippled soldiers back into battle is not immoral, having over 10% of new recruits being convicted criminals is not immoral, no, none of that is immoral. What is immoral is... guys who like guys or gals who like gals.

Seriously. That's what the General said! And not even Jesus's General -- we're talking about the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the big kahuna of generals.

Thank you, General Pace, for protecting us from that evil supervillain The Gay Agenda. I mean, do we *really* want someone in our military who looks like this? No no, we obviously must protect our brave men and women in uniform from that evil supervillain The Gay Agenda, because if we don't, he'll KILL THEM ALL with his rainbow-beamed Gay Ray Gun! After all, the real enemy of America isn't jihadis or terrorists or whatever. The real enemy of America is... err... gay people?

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Cross-posted over at the Mockingbird's Melody

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/13/2007 12:36:00 PM  7 comments  

Monday, March 12, 2007

Happy Birthday, Osama bin Laden

Yeppers, on March 10, you turned 50 years old. It took a little searching on Google Images, but I finally found a picture of your birthday party. It looks like you had a gay old time with your old buddy and pal George W. Bush (who says you're "Osama bin Forgotten" anyhow?!). What kind of cake was that? Anyhow, you're looking rather healthy, I guess all that time in a nice cushy Islamabad condo has been good for you! Good call to wear a suit to your birthday party instead of robes, robes look kinda funny when you're the guest of honor, so, how's it hangin'? Now, don't fret, 50 might be over the hill but there's still a long life ahead of you. Oh, I know, when Dear Leader said he'd get you "dead or alive" you might have worried. But really, c'mon, it's been over 5 years since you hit the World Trade Center and you're very much alive, why would you think you'd be any less alive tomorrow? I mean, c'mon. We only execute people who've never attacked America but who are sitting on lots of oil, people like this guy: You attacked America and you have no oil, so why would we want to kill you? I mean, it's like the most patriotic thing on earth to let people attack you and get away with it, right?

Anyhow, I'm sure ten years from now I'll be wishing you a happy sixtieth birthday, so anyhow, best of wishes to you and your buddy George. I hope you both kill yourselves, you murderous bastards.

- Badtux the Birthday Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/12/2007 10:44:00 AM  2 comments  

Saturday, March 10, 2007

What did I get right and what did I get wrong?

There's a blog-meme at the moment asking, "what did you blog about in the runup to the Iraq invasion and its immediate aftermath? Were you right, or wrong, in your predictions?"

So I went back to the archives of my old (now-offline) blog. And found a problem: I quit blogging between December 15 2002 and May 6 2003. Seems that my employer was going under at the time, and I was spending most of my time trying to bail them out. (They eventually went under altogether on June 15 2003, which I knew on May 6 when their May 1 SEC filing hit the SEC web site and basically said they were out of money, which is when I quit bailing and started waiting for the layoff notice).

Never fear, though. I did find the following on another forum: It appears I was pretty unconvinced about weapons of mass destruction.

Feb 10, 2003
>> Have the yanks
>> really found dangerous sites in Iraq that warrent destroying,
> Yup.
>>and if so
>> why haven't the weapons inspectors been sent there?
> They have, Eddy, they have.

And found nothing. Not a single biological warfare spore, not a single molecule of nerve gas. The most frightening thing the inspectors have found is a bunch of aging, rusty missile warheads that could be used to carry nerve gas or spores, but said warheads are not themselves a 'weapon of mass destruction'.

The Bush Administration's response appears to be to accuse the weapons inspectors of collusion with Iraq, basically stating that Iraq is getting a tipoff from within the weapons inspectorate as to what's about to be inspected.

If the U.S. is going to go to war with Iraq over weapons of mass destruction, I'd like to at least *SEE* one, being held up to the cameras by a U.N. weapons inspector or by a U.S. Army Ranger acting in support of the U.N weapons inspectorate (by, e.g., sequestering a site before the inspectors arrive). Right now all we've heard is rumor and innuendo, with not a single actual WMD found.

So it seems that, in the absence of, like, actual weapons of mass destruction, that I wasn't going to believe in weapons of mass destruction. As we all know, there were no weapons of mass destruction, so I was right to not believe in them.

What about an Iraq/al Qaeda connection? What did I think then? Seems I was pretty damned skeptical about that too:

Mar 20 2003, 6:23 pm
> You seem to have missed the part where he's been working with al Qaeda
> operatives in the north, best get some education son.

Saddam isn't in control in the north, idiot. Two Kurdish groups split control of the north. Saddam had to put four divisions of his regular Army just south of the Kurdish-controlled areas just to keep them from rolling into Baghdad. Hell, according to John Pike's, Saddam has more divisions facing off the Kurds in the North than facing off the Americans in the South!

So I dig around. What did I think was going to be the outcome of the war? Combining a post from April 1 and from April 3, we have this:

The eventual outcome (the toppling of Saddam's power) is not in doubt, though Saddam may do an Osama bin Laden and "disappear" to become a hidden hero of the Resistance. The aftermath... well, that's what I fear. I don't see much good waiting there.

The military will do its part. Saddam's military will be destroyed. Then comes the hard part: Winning the peace.

The only questions remaining, now, are how many Iraqi civilians we "liberate" by sending them on to the afterlife, and how many American GI's die from suicide bombings and snipers after we install our puppet government, and how many decades our troops will have to stay in Iraq to keep our puppet government in power.

Well, our troops have been in Iraq for four years thus far keeping our puppet government in power, though our puppets are not behaving well lately... we'll have to see how well that plays out. Will we be in Iraq for "decades" as I predicted? We'll find out, I suppose. The Iraqis seem to mostly be using IED's against GI's, not suicide bombings and snipers, but the effect is the same as what I predicted - most GI's getting killed after the conquest of Iraq, not during the conquest. We've "liberated" over half a million Iraqis by sending them on to the afterlife, mission fucking accomplished I suppose, so that prediction of mine was correct too. And my prediction that the peace was going to be the hard part... well, we know the validity of that prediction too, right?

What was I wrong about? Not a hell of a lot. I expected Saddam to pull his soldiers back into the cities and force us to pound the cities into rubble, not that this would have changed the eventual outcome, but it would have made things a bit messier. That didn't happen, thankfully -- Saddam apparently figured out we would kill as many civilians as necessary to topple his government, and decided to fade to guerilla activity instead, which eventually failed because Saddam was the second-most-hated man in Iraq by that time (the most hated man in Iraq being, of course, George W. Bush). But that is the *only* major thing I was wrong about, and really it wasn't all that major, the overall outcome is the same as what I predicted -- victory in war, but the peace being a bitch with our troops being required to prop up one puppet government after another, possibly for decades.

So, given that I was right and every single right-wing pundit, politician, blogger and commentator was wrong, why should I listen to them? More importantly, why should *anybody* listen to them? How can anybody listen to someone who has been proven wrong so many times? This penguin has no idea, other than that monkeys are stupid. But that's hardly a satisfying answer, given that monkeys rule the world...

-- Badtux the Memory Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/10/2007 06:44:00 PM  2 comments  

Every Child Left Behind

Can we just quit with this crap of giving a shit, as a nation, about children? Because the stranded children of New Bedford show it obviously is not true. As do the blood-spattered children of Iraq. And a kid cracks and kills her abusive alcoholic mother? Why, it's all the girl's fault, and nothing to do with the fact that social service agencies didn't do anything to help her. It's not about me, so why should I care, right?

Face facts: We, as a nation, don't give a shit about children. We don't give a shit about anything other than our fat narcissistic deranged ignorant asses and our own spoiled rotten selfish violent idiot spawn. Caring about others would require having, like, empathy and the ability to think beyond "me good! Me great! Me love me!". Fuck that shit, this is the United States of Fuckin' America, fuck you, and fuck everybody else, it's all about ME ME ME ME ME!!!!

Shit. This is the kind of crap that makes me feel like burning a fucking American flag. It seems we're devolving into the most stupid, vicious, jackbooted goddamned savages on the whole fucking planet nowdays. I mean, you go into a factory and round up a hundred women and jail them, what fucking moran CAN'T figure out that hey, these women probably have KIDS at SCHOOL and what the fuck do we do about the kids? What kind of fucking moran can't figure out that if you drop bombs on a nation where 50% of the population is under the age of 18, you're going to be killing children left and right? But this is the United States of Fucking Don't Give A Fucking Shit, Dear Leader gave us our goddamned marching orders, so we put on our fucking brown shirts and go HEIL HEIL HEIL! Fuck the little children up the fuckin' ASS, fuck YEAH, USA USA USA USA!!!

-- Badtux the Rude Penguin

Are we getting fucking outrage fatigue yet? FUCK NO. I ain't even *started* gettin' outraged at the stupid, idiotic, fucking EVIL crap goin' down right now...

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/10/2007 01:04:00 PM  5 comments  

Friday, March 09, 2007

Quote of the day

General Tony McPeak (retired), Member of the Joint Chiefs of Staff during Oil War I in 1991-1992, about the aftermath of Dear Leader's little war to liberate Iraq's oil:

McPeak: The worst case? Iraq's Sunnis begin to be backed into a corner, then the Sunni governments -- Jordan, Saudi Arabia -- jump in. Israel sees that it's threatened by these developments. Once the Israelis get involved, then everybody piles on. And you've got nuclear events going off in the Middle East. That would be about as bad as it could get.

Let's hope General McPeak is wrong...

-- Badtux the Alarmed Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/09/2007 12:44:00 PM  3 comments  

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The jihadis are getting desperate...

I hate to see what will happen if they get any more desperate. 30 Iraqis dead, 3 Americans dead in one bombing attack? But hey, I'm sure a school got painted somewhere today in Iraq, why isn't the liberal media covering that!?

Oh look, over there! It's a diaper-wearing astronaut! Nothing to see here, move along...

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/07/2007 04:34:00 PM  0 comments  

Monday, March 05, 2007

When Johnny Came Marching Home (David Rovics)

Let nobody say that the Iraq War has not produced protest songs of note...

Also check out his web site.

-- Badtux the Music Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/05/2007 09:40:00 PM  4 comments  

Support Our Troops

Until they get wounded, that is. At that point, we fuck'em in every orifice of their body by denying them the 30% disability rating needed to qualify for Tricare (the military health plan for active duty and retirees) rather than the perpetually underfunded VA system.

The next time I see some rat-fucking bastard with one of those yellow ribbons on his fat-assed SUV, I’m going to take printouts of these two stories, smash in the driver’s side window, put these on the front seat, and spray paint on the door “So when are you going to start supporting the troops, motherfucker?!”. Okay, maybe not. But look, us “lefties” (term in quotes, because as a rational Libertarian I’m about as “lefty” as Barry Goldwater, but whatever) have been raising cain for the past four years that the Bush Administration has been shitting on our veterans and the response of the Freeper yellow ribbon crowd? “You’re just being a hypocrit, if you really cared about our troops you’d support dear leader’s war!”

What the fuck does support or not of Dear Leader’s war have to do with it? We ought to be giving these poor kids the best care we can for as long as they need it, fuck the budget, do what’s RIGHT not what’s CHEAP. But the Freepi just whine “you’re trying to make Dear Leader look bad!” whenever you point that out. Excuse me? What does motivation have to do with it? Right is right, and saying “I won’t listen to you because I don’t like what you’re saying or why you’re saying it!” is the act of, well, a fucking MORON.

What’s the Freepi response to all this:

“Dana Priest=traitor.”

For real!

@#$. Dammit, these right wing rat bastards are turning me into a clone of the Rude Pundit and giving me a blood pressure of 240 over 160…

The only good news is that now that Democrats are in charge in Congress, the so-called-liberal “mainstream” press can finally start covering stories that we’ve been covering in the “alternative” press (places like, Raw Story, Capitol Hill Blues, etc.) for literally years. Yeah, we got a free press here in the United States. And somehow, they always seem to report whatever the ruling party wants them to report (SNORT!).

– Badtux the Rude Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/05/2007 01:53:00 PM  6 comments  

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

U.S. immigration officials jail threat to America...

...a nine year old boy.

This is the same jail where at night, children as young as six were separated from their parents, separation and threats of separation were used as disciplinary tools, children received one hour of schooling per day, Families in Hutto received no more than twenty minutes to go through the cafeteria line and feed their children and themselves and children were frequently sick from the food and losing weight, and families in Hutto received extremely limited indoor and outdoor recreation time and children did not have any soft toys. But hey, the nation has been protected from the threat of little children. Boy, I really feel safer now!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/28/2007 10:16:00 AM  3 comments  

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Rude Death Squads

How fucked do we have to be here in America in order to read something by Seymour Hersh, about nefarious plots, illegal fund streams to al-Qaeda associated groups, and the fomenting of an enormous war in the Middle East, and fuckin' John Negroponte comes across looking like the most honorable man? What twisted trip into a sphincter-like rabbit hole do we have to be on in order to be able to put those words together, that the depraved motherfucker who turned a blind eye to (and ensured funding for) Honduran death squads that plagued Central America back in the Reagan era (known these days to liberals as "Jesus, who'd've thought it could get worse?"), who was at the center of Iran-Contra, would sound, in the screwed up context of the players in Hersh's article, like the good guy?


If the man who justified the groups that raped and killed nuns as just part of the fight in the Cold War is worried about the legality of something, it's gotta be a bloodcurdling monstrosity

The Rude One has an important message for you. Read it.

-- Badtux the Alarmed Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/27/2007 11:12:00 PM  3 comments  

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Beware Teh Gay!

Wingnut Daily has noticed that the Army is cheating disabled troops in order to hold down costs. Wow. Just wow. Wingnut Daily. Posting a story critical of Dear Leader and His holy annointed administration. The rats truly are jumping off the ship.

Meanwhile, at the bottom of that story, I see a fascinating link: "Massachusetts judge orders teaching of the Gay Agenda". Oh dear. There's that evil supervillain, The Gay Agenda, again, with his rainbow cape and the big "G" on his chest, and the Gay Ray Gun of Gayness that he uses to shoot unsuspecting boys and girls to make them Teh Gay. I guess that, as an evil supervillain, the schools turned him away earlier in life. Perhaps he would not have become a supervillain if those nasty schools had allowed him to be taught. I am glad that a Massachussets judge now is going to allow The Gay Agenda to attend school. Teaching The Gay Agenda, though, probably is going to be a bit difficult for the teacher. I mean, c'mon. Here you are, with all these little shrimpy 4th graders, then there's this big lunk wearing tights and a rainbow cape, with a big Gay Ray Gun of Gayness clutched between his legs? And you think that won't be disruptive to the learning of the other students in the class?!

No, sadly I must agree with Wingnut Daily here. Teaching The Gay Agenda in a normal classroom is just too disruptive to the learning of our students. Besides, if we allow The Gay Agenda to be taught in a regular classroom, what next? The Joker sues for admission to Gotham University? Lex Luthor requests admission to Metropolis High School? Dr. Doom demands admission to Oklahoma State? Supervillains wearing tights, alas, simply are not appropriate as students in our classrooms.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

PS: C'mon, people, I've had *ZERO* submissions for pictures of The Gay Agenda, it'd be *great* to tag these posts about that mighty supervillian with a picture of him so that wingnuts can know what they're supposed to be shuddering in fear in their homes about! Flippers, guys. Penguins have flippers. We aren't good artists, okay?!

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/24/2007 08:43:00 PM  6 comments  

Friday, February 23, 2007

Quote of the Day

On the situation in Afghanistan:

So what does that mean for us? Not much... other than, of course, than we're going to be in Afghanistan until the Lord Jesus, Himself, returns, at which point He'll take one look and say, "Oh, kiss my cross-hanging ass," and turn around and leave. -- The Dark Wraith

This penguin bows before a true master of snark...

-- Badtux the Humbled Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/23/2007 02:31:00 PM  1 comments  

Who supports our troops?

By now you've read more than you want to read about the sickening way in which the military and VA are treating the veterans of Oil War II. You've read about the horrible conditions. About how they deliberately give soldiers low disability ratings to deprive them of benefits, forcing them to appeal and appeal to get what they're owed by the nation that threw them into an unnecessary war and now refuses to care for them. About how veterans with severe problems related to the war, such as suicidal depression at all they did and all that happened to them and their fellow soldiers, are turned away from the VA hospitals.

I don't think there is any more I can add to that. "Support our troops" has to mean more than yellow ribbon magnets, but, sadly, I doubt it does. So I will instead post a poem:


He sat in a wheeled chair, waiting for dark,
And shivered in his ghastly suit of grey,
Legless, sewn short at elbow. Through the park
Voices of boys rang saddening like a hymn,
Voices of play and pleasure after day,
Till gathering sleep had mothered them from him.

About this time Town used to swing so gay
When glow-lamps budded in the light-blue trees
And girls glanced lovelier as the air grew dim,
-- In the old times, before he threw away his knees.
Now he will never feel again how slim
Girls' waists are, or how warm their subtle hands,
All of them touch him like some queer disease.

There was an artist silly for his face,
For it was younger than his youth, last year.
Now he is old; his back will never brace;
He's lost his colour very far from here,
Poured it down shell-holes till the veins ran dry,
And half his lifetime lapsed in the hot race,
And leap of purple spurted from his thigh.
One time he liked a bloodsmear down his leg,
After the matches carried shoulder-high.
It was after football, when he'd drunk a peg,
He thought he'd better join. He wonders why ...
Someone had said he'd look a god in kilts.

That's why; and maybe, too, to please his Meg,
Aye, that was it, to please the giddy jilts,
He asked to join. He didn't have to beg;
Smiling they wrote his lie; aged nineteen years.
Germans he scarcely thought of; and no fears
Of Fear came yet. He thought of jewelled hilts
For daggers in plaid socks; of smart salutes;
And care of arms; and leave; and pay arrears;
Esprit de corps; and hints for young recruits.
And soon, he was drafted out with drums and cheers.

Some cheered him home, but not as crowds cheer Goal.
Only a solemn man who brought him fruits
Thanked him; and then inquired about his soul.
Now, he will spend a few sick years in Institutes,
And do what things the rules consider wise,
And take whatever pity they may dole.
To-night he noticed how the women's eyes
Passed from him to the strong men that were whole.
How cold and late it is! Why don't they come
And put him into bed? Why don't they come?

-- Wilfred Owen, December 1917

-- Badtux the Poetry Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/23/2007 02:00:00 PM  6 comments  

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Who sez the Department of Homeland Security is incompetent?

Why, they've successfully protected us from Marriages of Mass Destruction for four years now!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/22/2007 12:54:00 PM  0 comments  

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The more things change...

the more they stay the same.
Does it Matter?

Does it matter?—losing your legs?...
For people will always be kind,
And you need not show that you mind
When the others come in after hunting
To gobble their muffins and eggs.

Does it matter ?—losing your sight?...
There's such splendid work for the blind;
And people will always be kind,
As you sit on the terrace remembering
And turning your face to the light.

Do they matter?—those dreams from the pit?...
You can drink and forget and be glad,
And people won't say that you're mad;
For they'll know you've fought for your country
And no one will worry a bit.

-- Siegfried Sassoon, 1918

The soldiers will fight off rats and cockroaches in the dank hovels of the Army's hospitals as they lie in their beds missing legs or eyes or brains...

And no one will worry a bit.

-- Badtux the Poetry Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/20/2007 12:48:00 PM  2 comments  

What war on terror?

Al Qaeda is running training camps again in the Waziristan province of Pakistan.

So let me get this straight. Osama bin Laden attacks America on 9/11/2001. Now, over 5 years later, he's still rambling around at large setting up training camps, while the entire U.S. Army is bogged down in some dismal sandpit called "Iraq" that has *NEVER* attacked America? MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! If you're Osama bin Laden, that is...

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 2/20/2007 08:06:00 AM  0 comments  
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Name: BadTux
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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.

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Bill Richardson: Because what America needs is a competent fat man with bad hair as President (haven't we had enough incompetent pretty faces?)

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"Keep fighting for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce." -- Molly Ivins, 1944-2007 "The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men."

-- Plato

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