Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Monday, July 30, 2007

How to reduce # of food quality problems

Putrid seafood. Lead-tainted candy. E. coli tainted spinach. You've probably heard about the rash of food quality problems that have occurred recently. There's been a lot of mention of them in the press and all that. But never fear, the Bush Administration has a sure-fired plan to solve the problem of reports of bad food quality, a sure-fired plan sure to reduce the # of food quality problems: Shut down labs testing for food quality problems.

This is typical response action for the Busheviks and their ilk, of course. It's sort of like their ranting about the "liberal media" reporting on the chaos that is Iraq. The problem there isn't that jihadis are blowing up car bombs all over the place, Shia militias are drilling holes in the heads of Sunni women and children, etc. Nope, the problem is that the nasty ole' "liberal media" is reporting on all that. Why, if we didn't know it was happening, it wouldn't be happening! And similarly, if we don't know that our food supply is tainted and putrid, why, it wouldn't happen!

"That's not the way the world really works anymore," he continued. "We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality—judiciously, as you will—we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do." Talk about channeling O'Brien talking to Winston Smith in the basement of the Ministry of Love...

Of course, that's not how the world really works. Those of us in the reality-based community know that the jihadis will continue blowing the shit out of Shia whether it's reported or not, and that food will continue to be putrid whether a lab detects it or not. But then, we're not POTUS and thus us knowing this reality is irrelevant...

-- Badtux the Reality-based Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 7/30/2007 03:29:00 PM  4 comments  

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Nightmare #25927

One of the issues the Republican crime syndicate faces is that they lose their magic Get Out Of Jail Free Card on January 20, 2009, when George W. Bush hands over the keys of his office to Hillary Clinton and a Democratic congress can then throw the whole lot of them in jail without them getting pardoned by Gee Dubya.

Which brings up the odd habit that Democratic candidates have of dying in suspicious plane crashes. Now, as we all know, George W. Bush is actually just the front man for the crime family currently running the United States. The "face", so to speak, of the con worked against the American people. Dick Cheney wears the pants in that family. So replacing him with another "face" in 2008 who is capable of working that Get Out Of Jail Free thingy would be just fine with them. Right now, it looks like that actor dude with the 20-year-younger wife who likes displaying her melons, since the other candidates are flaming out (they just don't have the right acting credits to be the face for the con). But really, it doesn't matter. Whoever it is, the crime syndicate will be working his levers.

Problem is, he's going to lose the election. Unless... unless Hillary Clinton and her running mate, Bill Richardson, die in yet another of the suspicious plane crashes that have killed or simply "disappeared"so many Democratic candidates over the decades.

Then the question becomes: what happens if the Democratic candidates die between getting the nomination, and election day? Does that mean we get the kind of election that Saddam Hussein liked to hold, where there was only one real candidate on the ballot -- Saddam? Except in this case, we get Fred Thompson or Julie Annie as our one and only candidate?

Whoever wins the Democratic nomination, I suggest that they don't fly after the nominating convention. Or drive, if driving in anything less than an armored infantry fighting vehicle with their own private security to protect the candidate from the Secret Service. Because the Rethuglicans really are starting to get worried about losing their Get Out Of Jail Free card... and one way the Party in corrupt thugocracies have always dealt with their political opponents is to see their opponents die in suspicious "accidents".

-- Badtux the Worried Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 7/25/2007 10:40:00 PM  3 comments  

The United States is not Nazi Germany

For one thing, we don't have concentration camps where prisoners are interned for political crimes and forced to do manual labor. We don't have gas chambers (gas chambers are so, like, yesterday, everybody knows that giving an injection of a lethal poison is the way to go!), and the fact that we have 25% of the world's population of prisoners despite having only 5% of the world's population doesn't make us like Nazi Germany at all, uh uh! We don't have policemen demanding your papers please and we have no watch list of potential dissidents who are not allowed to move freely around the country. And we don't invade other nations under false pretenses either. And yes, we have 2.03 million Americans in our work camps, but Stalin had 6 million people in his, so there! We're #2! We're #2! WOOT!

Now, we haven't started exterminating people wholesale yet, but then, neither did Nazi Germany until Eichmann's mission to find some nation, anywhere, that would take Germany's unwanted Jews proved futile because no other nation would accept those Jews (including that bastion of Jewish sympathy the United States, which gave a great "NEIN!" to the whole concept of accepted Germany's Jews). It wasn't until 1942 that the gas chambers started up -- roughly ten years after the Nazis took power. So we can feel good about the fact that seven years after the Busheviks took power, we don't have execution chambers (yet) for all those nasty Islamafascistwhatchamacallits who, like, wear them funny head-dresses and stuff. USA! USA! USA!

And look, we have free speech in America. You're free to say anything you like, as long as you get a license from the government first, purchase thousands of dollars of liability insurance and pay thousands of dollars to the city and don't do it in public where you might disturb people. Why, you're perfectly free to say anything you want as long as you do it somewhere that only people who agree with you can hear! That's what free speech is all about, citizen, being able to freely talk to the walls of your apartment. It's right there in the 1st Amendment!

There's nothing to see here, citizen. Anybody who says different is a deranged moonbat and don't you worry, citizen, the brave souls of the Department of Homeland Security shall remove him from your presence shortly so that you do not have to worry your self about that silly "history" stuff he keeps bringing up. Everybody knows the United States is not Nazi Germany. Americans speak English and Germans speak German. Duh!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin


Posted by: BadTux / 7/25/2007 02:27:00 PM  5 comments  

Sunday, July 15, 2007

The goals of the guerilla

As I pointed out in previous articles in this series, nobody fights a guerilla war if they don't have to. People fight a guerilla war because they lack the strength and weaponry to fight a straight-up war against the oppressing government. They fight with two goals in mind: 1) To render the country ungovernable by eliminating or subverting the mechanisms of civil governance such as city counsellors, tax collectors, etc., and 2) to make it as expensive as possible for the oppressor, i.e., to require the oppressor to maintain large and expensive forces to maintain the occupation.

The thing about a guerilla war is that it comes to a positive outcome for the guerilla only in one of two ways: 1) the guerilla forces become powerful enough to take on the opposition forces in a straight-up military campaign, or 2) the nation which has deployed the opposition forces is drained by the expense of maintaining large military forces in the country and withdraws said forces. Other than that, there has never been a successful guerilla war. Just ask the Biafrans. The ones that the Nigerians didn't starve to death, anyhow.

When we talk about Iraq, #1 is out of the question. No nation, anywhere, will ever have the ability to take on the U.S. military in a straight-up military campaign. Like the Israeli military, the U.S. military has an overwhelming technological advantage and will always be able to bring overwhelming firepower upon any opposing forces. Except... uhm... that's what the Israelis thought about Hezballah in Lebanon, right? That a two-bit guerilla army was never going to be able to take on the IDF in a straight-up fight? And HA fought the IDF to basically a standstill, taking out dozens of tanks and killing hundreds of Israeli soldiers, by fighting a smart defense in depth with a massive advantage in terms of manpower, intelligence, and pre-prepared fortifications. If I were a U.S. general right now, I'd be very worried and starting to look at my evacuation options.

#2 is definitely underway. That's the whole point of all the roadside bombs and the destruction of the bridges via truck bombs -- to make it very expensive to supply and support the troops in Iraq. It seems clear that the shaky U.S. economy simply cannot afford the two million or so boots on the ground that would be needed to completely pacify Iraq. The end result is that we will withdraw -- either that, or our military will collapse and #1 (the complete and utter destruction of our military via opposiing enemy action) will occur.

Anyhow, back to the problem of our own monarchs. Our own monarchs control the atomic bomb. You can bet that if some uppity area of the country -- say, California -- gets tired of monarchical rule, our own monarchs will have no compunctions about using whatever force is necessary to make sure that the monarchy does not fall. And you can bet that the poorly-educated and envious military caste who currently make up the majority of our armed forces and internal police forces will have no compunction about doing all the application of force necessary to bring into line people who, after all, aren't like them. Our rulers, by deliberately creating a poorly educated and violent military caste, have ensured themselves sufficient manpower to maintain control over the vast military machinery that this nation has accumulated over the past sixty years.

Now for the question of whether guerilla warfare against our own monarchs has any chance at all of succeeding. The answer to part 1), outright battle, is outright *no*. The military caste which our monarchs have built up -- a military caste which, BTW, also comprises the majority of our nation's police forces -- views with suspicion anyone outside that military caste, and possesses sufficient weaponry to insure compliance upon the part of the majority of the citizenry.

However, the anti-monarchical forces do have a vulnerability to part 2), making monarchical rule more expensive than the alternative. The deal is, you aren't going to do that via violence. Short of massive oppression on the part of our monarchs, the majority of Americans are not in any way going to be supportive of violence. What you have to do is make it expensive to maintain the monarchy. You can do this by moving as much as possible outside of the tax system, by subverting local instruments of monarchical power in order to isolate the monarchs, and otherwise make it difficult and expensive to maintain monarchical rule. This already happening. Our monarchs are now capable of maintaining their rule only via borrowing vast sums of money from foreign and somewhat hostile powers (or do you not consider the poisonous and dangerous toys, tires, and etc. coming from China tantamount to a declaration of hostility?).

The problem then becomes twofold. Either the monarchs will blink and return sufficient power to We The People to keep us sheep contented and on the farm so that we can be more easily fleeced, or We The People will jump the fence and enough of us will refuse to participate in the travesty of monarchical rule that it will be impossibly expensive to imprison us all, at which point... then what? History is not kind to the "then what?" question. Invariably, "then what?" turns out to be a bloodbath, followed by a violent dictatorship controlled by small and violent men that continues the bloodletting. Let us hope that our monarchs see these same two choices ahead of them, and will make the correct decision. Otherwise... well, let us hope there will be no "otherwise".

-- Badtux the Guerilla Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 7/15/2007 09:27:00 AM  0 comments  

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Another victim of President Bush's failed war

Sergeant Frank Sandoval has died. He had the signature injury of the Iraq war -- traumatic brain injury. Afterwards, he had the mental ability of the typical five year old, and because much of his skull was missing, was required to wear a helmet to protect his exposed brain. He died during surgery to implant plates in his head to protect his exposed brain, a little over a year after he was evacuated from Iraq.

How many other Frank Sandovals are there out there who have not been counted as victims of Dear Leader's little war for oil because they died months after they were evacuated from Iraq, not immediately? We'll never know. Those statistics are not being collected. How many other Frank Sandovals are there out there who come back missing major chunks of their brain and will never be the person they once were again? Once again, we'll never know. Those statistics are not being collected. They might be embarrassing to Dear Leader and hurt support for Vice President Halliburton's holy quest to secure the Middle East's oil for Halliburton, after all....

-- Badtux the Saddened Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 6/21/2007 11:53:00 AM  0 comments  

Air travel really stinks

I mean, really. It's bad enough that you have to run the gauntlet of TSA employees stealing your tasty pudding or groping your breasts (hmm, wonder if President Dick Cheney has his breasts groped when he flies commercial? Woo!) while letting people with knives carry them onto planes (granted, that was the British version of the TSA, but plenty of testers have managed to get knives and even guns past the TSA) and doing nothing about real security holes, but now you have actual real, live raw sewage running down the aisles?

I think my next trip "back home" I'll let the 'Hound do the driving...

-- Badtux the Flightless Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 6/21/2007 10:15:00 AM  4 comments  

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Former Marine to Major X: "Go fuck yourself"

Yes, he really said that when, as an ex-Marine who had been honorably discharged, a Major wrote an EMAIL telling him he couldn't participate in anti-war protests. Talk about jar-heads!

So what's the Marine Corps' response?

Well, they decided to rescind his honorable discharge, and offered him a less-than-honorable discharge if he'd just shut the fuck up. So what does he tell'em?

"Go fuck yourself" again.

Some folks got stones the size of fuggin' beach balls.

I dunno what kinda love we can give Adam Kokesh, but I'm sure that the only way they'll shut up this PFC ("Proud Fuckin' Civilian") is if they put him in jail. Meanwhile, the Marines ought to be ashamed for trying to shut up a civilian honorably seperated from the Marines by revoking his honorable discharge. That kinda political bullshit acting as political operatives for the Bushevik regime is not what the military is supposed to be about. Our military is supposed to be about killing our nation's enemies dead, not about suppressing free speech within the borders of our country. There's a name for the kind of country where the military is used to suppress free speech within the borders of the country. It's called "military dictatorship". It's not what our nation is supposed to be about. For shame, General Moore!

-- Badtux the Stones-appreciatin' Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 5/31/2007 03:34:00 PM  6 comments  

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

News bits 5/2/07

Veto? Duh!

Like the cranky old man said last week, George Bush communicated over a year ago that he would not get out of Iraq until he left office. Do we not believe him? So of course he vetoed the money for our troops. But compromise? There is no compromise possible here. The people of the United States want the U.S. out of Iraq. The Iraqi people want the U.S. out of Iraq. The only people who want the U.S. in Iraq are Iran, Osama bin Laden, and the Busheviks, all of whom find it quite profitable for their interests. Dear Leader already declared victory, why, he even held a big party on an aircraft carrier deck with a big banner saying Mission Accomplished in celebration back on May 1 2003, so the "declare victory" part of "declare victory and go home" is done, but Dear Leader is going to continue supporting his buddies in Iran and al Qaeda, because, well, because he's The Decider and the Decider Decides, yessirree... compromise? He won't compromise. Because the Decider doesn't compromise, the Decider Decides. (Cue that "heh heh heh" smirk ).

Los Angeles police attack TV news crews

A Telemundo TV news crew got their ass kicked yesterday by the Los Angeles Police Department, as a wall of riot police swept through where they were holding court and sent a news reporter and three camera operators to the hospital. That link also shows a Los Angeles policeman beating a Fox News camerawoman with his baton in a scene reminiscent of the Rodney King beat-down (except with more targets getting the beat-down). And of course the Mayor of Los Angeles and the LAPD chief say they're shocked, shocked I say that, well, not that a buncha darkies got beat down, but that it got caught on live television broadcasts and looks bad, if you parse between the lines. (And if you think nortenos like Mayor Villaraigosa care if illegals get beat down, you don't know anything about Hispanic culture, they view the illegals as rustic ignorant nobodies who are taking their jobs).

Your Papers, Please

The Real ID Act calls for a national security card to be implemented. The Department of Homeland Security has been charged with writing regulations about what that national security card should look like. Since DHS is run by Busheviks, they of course don't care about public opinion, but the law says they must gather public input prior to implementing their regulations, so they did a single perfunctory "townhall meeting" at U.C. Davis. At that meeting you had your normal folks out there, civil libertarians concerned about the fact that it's a national ID card, advocates for abused women concerned that P.O. boxes are no longer allowed to be on the card (what about people with no fixed address? Apparently they just, err, don't exist in Soviet America... will they be disappeared to gulags like in Soviet Russia?), advocates for the transgendered upset that their biological sex rather than their adopted sex will appear on the ID card, the director of the California DMV upset that it will force millions of Californians to unnecessarily line up at his offices for new driver's licenses that double as the new national ID card, you know, just the normal kooks and flakes. Hold it. The director of the California DMV??? Why does DMV Director George Valverde want to allow terrorists to swim across the Atlantic with knives in their teeth and sneak into our bedrooms and KILL US ALL ?! Obviously he needs to be deported back to where he came from, he obviously is a terrorist himself. I'm sure that people will welcome him back in his homeland of, err... Los Angeles? Huh. Obviously some kind of funny furriner land where folks ain't like us, like Tuvalu, Nauru, Andorra, and Palau. Why does Los Angeles hate America?

Welcome to Soviet America, comrade

Not that it matters, of course. See, here's how it works. The Decider decides. Or he tells his henchmen/cronies to decide. They then decide, and do whatever they decide. That's how it works, see? Public input? Err, you mean the same public that wants us out of Iraq, the same public that elected a Democratic congress to get us out of Iraq? The public is not the Decider in Soviet America, comrade. The Decider or his designated sub-deciders is the Decider. What part of "Decider" do you not understand?

-Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 5/02/2007 02:05:00 PM  6 comments  

Friday, April 27, 2007

The best place for a child is in a prison cell

I must heartily applaud the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agency for their application of the principle "spare the rod and spoil the child". These pesky children today are simply spoiled and soft. They need to be placed in prisons or shut up in airless rooms and taught their proper place as a citizen of Soviet America, i.e., subjects. Liberty and freedom must be earned, they are not birthrights granted unto us by our Creator, regardless of what some idiot lefties might have written on their web sites (I mean, sheesh, what do men with gay pussy-wimp names like "Thomas Jefferson" and "John Adams" and "Benjamin Franklin" know about liberty and freedom anyhow? Dirty unwashed hippies, all of them!).

I most especially applaud the Imigration and Customs Enforcement Agency for refusing to call in the local Child Protective Services to care for children for whom a guardian is not available. When I was in the school system we were directed that if an unattended child was in our custody for two hours after the end of the school day and no parent or guardian were located, we should contact Child Protective Services to take temporary custody of the child until such time as a parent or guardian were located. But the Imigration and Customs Enforcement Agency wisely regards that as just some sissy state law. They are the Department of Homeland Security. They can do whatever they want to, because, like, they're the Federal governent and, like, they got the goddamn ATOMIC BOMB, kapiche? And if you don't like it, you can sleep with the fishes with concrete goulashes! (Or occupy a clean cell at Gitmo as an enemy combatant, whatever). That child needed to be in a cell. It was for his own good.

Yes, I feel safer knowing that ICEA is protecting me from these horrible children, most of whom are even, like, brown (SHUDDER!). If ICEA does not imprison children, why, why... those hideous little brats might sneak into our bedrooms at night and KILL US ALL! Horror!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 4/27/2007 03:46:00 PM  1 comments  

Thursday, March 22, 2007

In Soviet America, the politicians tell scientists what is science

In Russia, scientists tell politicians what is science. In Soviet America, when it comes to global warming, politicians tell scientists what is science.

Whether it is Al Gore calmly reading scientific studies to Republican legislators who claim they know science better than scientists, or directives to government scientists to not talk about science, in Soviet America, as in Soviet Russia prior to the fall of the Soviet Union, it is politicians who tell scientists what is science, rather than scientists who tell politicians what is science. Because, of course, being able to round up billions of dollars in campaign contributions makes one far more able to evaluate scientific evidence than, like, being an actual scientist, y'know? Who are these "scientist" folks to tell Senator James Inhofe what is science? Why, Senator Inhofe done been ELECTORATED, and that automagically makes him far more expert than some dude who, like, spent decades learning science from the best and brightest scientists on the planet! Besides, them scientist fellers, they ain't billionares like Senator Inhofe, so they can't be so smart, right? 'Cause the richer you is, the smarter you is, right?

So thank you, Senator Inhofe, for correcting the record here! People like you and me, who aren’t, like, scientist fellers and stuff, we know best. How *DARE* those pesky climate scientist fellers say they know more about climate science than we do?! Them thare scientist fellers just gotta, like know thare place! And if they say they know better than us about science stuff, they’re just… just… POOPY HEADS! Yeah!

– Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/22/2007 06:26:00 PM  4 comments  

In Soviet America, the military beggars YOU!

Over half of all federal discretionary spending goes to the Pentagon. In non-Soviet Russia, the people beggar the military, which has to beg even for enough money to feed its troops and keep the power hooked up at its falling down bases. In Soviet America, the military beggars YOU.

So where is the money going? Well, bunches of it are going to contractors who provide truck drivers making $150K+/year to take the place of GI's making $20K/year, who provide cooks making $150K+/year to take the place of GI's making $20K/year, etc. Because of course it's cheaper to hire someone for $150K/year than to hire someone for $20K/year (snark!). Funny, most of these contractors also seem to be Bush administration cronies. Odd how that works out, eh?

Other money is going to weapons we don't need. The F-16 and the F/A 18 Super Hornet will be the best fighter jets in the world for the next 20+ years. Past a certain point you hit fundamental laws of physics, past which it is impossible to improve beyond what an airframe has already achieved. Consider this: The F-16 first flew over 30 years ago, yet even today, there is not a single jet fighter in the world that can out-dogfight it. None. Zero. Zilch. The only improvements there have been in the past thirty years have been in engines and avionics. Airframes? Not so much. We've hit fundamental laws of physics there. Yet we are spending hundreds of billions of dollars on F-22 and F-35 fighter jets that don't work any better for 99% of tasks than what we have yet are five times more expensive because, well, Pentagon cronies need money, I guess.

Then there is the enormous sum of money spent maintaining legions around the world -- Germany, South Korea, Iraq, Afghanistan, and hundreds of military bases all over the globe. Democracies don't need that. But empires do. And, in the end, that is what causes the collapse of empires. The Roman Empire collapsed because it ran out of money to pay its soldiers and they decided to sack Rome (repeatedly) and install one of their own as Emperor (repeatedly) to take by force what was due them, until there was nothing left to take and the barbarians came in and took over the pitiable remnants. In a democracy, there is little need for a large military because democracies do not attack other nations and defense can be handled by a part-time National Guard like in Switzerland. In a democracy, the people beggar the military because there just isn't much need for one. In an empire like Soviet America, on the other hand, the military beggars you.

-- Badtux the Budgetary Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 3/22/2007 05:25:00 PM  0 comments  
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"Keep fighting for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce." -- Molly Ivins, 1944-2007 "The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men."

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