Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

OMG we're all going to DIE!

As some of you know, I regularly peruse World Nut Daily to find out the latest about how those evil niggersMuslims are trying to KILL US ALL. Now I find out that them evil darkies have discovered a new secret weapon: snakes scorpions on a plane.

So far nobody has died, but it's OBVIOUS that terrorists have graduated from such ineffective tactics such as, say, blowing up truck bombs outside of government buildings or crashing jet airliners into towers, and gone to more effective ones like sprinkling insects into airplane cabins! And I'm sure that ANY TIME NOW that people will die either from being stung by a scorpion, or because one of those nasty darkies said "Boo!" and they keeled over from the heart attack. Just you wait!

But neverfear, World Nut Daily has a solution to those pesky scorpions: Pack heat. I suggest a .45 caliber ACP (Colt 1911 pattern automatic pistol). That big-ass soft lead bullet will put a 1" hole in those nasty snakes scorpions, and you'll be a hero! Remember, Jesus said to carry in verse, err, something or another (can't find it in my Bible, but I'm sure it's there, because WND said it was!). Remember, the Bible says there aIn't no social problem that can't be solved by slingin' 'nuff lead, whether it's pesky niggers Muslims (note that the terrorists mentioned in WND's book above were black Christians fighting the apartheid-era South African government, not Muslims, WND did a quick search-and-replace of "nigger" to "Muslim" and voila!), or scorpions!

Reporting from the nutty world of right-wing paranoid zealots,
- Badtux the "These people are NUTS!" Penguin

PS: When I lived in Arizona, exterminators didn't spray for roaches -- roaches couldn't survive the dry climate. They sprayed for scorpions, which were a common household pest. I'm not aware that people in Arizona are falling dead left and right after being stung by scorpions, but maybe the Arizona Republican newspaper is part of the terrorist conspiracy and was covering it up, snicker!

Posted by: BadTux / 1/10/2007 10:47:00 PM  


*sob* I'm still trying to come to grips with the terror of sprinkler parts.
# posted by K. Ron Silkwood : 11/1/07 12:22 AM  

Great idea BT! I highly recommend the CCI "Shot Shells"

Chambered for the .45, they are great for scorpions on planes as the shot dispersal will certainly drop the little suckers dead in their tracks without blowing a hole in the cabin thereby avoiding depressurization!

damagsters .40 carry is loaded with two of these babies, followed by jacketed hp's.

As our great Presi-idiot once said, "Bring 'em on!"

# posted by deuddersun : 11/1/07 7:11 AM  

What deuddersun said.

I hear the terrorist are also resposible for solar flares. Those wicked people!
# posted by Ole Blue The Heretic : 11/1/07 8:05 AM  

Gotta watch those sprinkler parts, K. ron. They're conspiring, conspiring I say, to take over the world and KILL US ALL!

Gotta go, my cats are conspiring against me. I wonder if they've joined an al-Qaeda sleeper cell? *sob* we're all gonna DIE!

- Badtux the Paranoid Republican Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 11/1/07 8:08 AM  

hey - az here -- and that's why i own cats -- they play with them -- roaches which we do have -- they come up from the sewers -- and scorpions...

ever see a cat play with a scorpion? they take their foot and tap the back part of the scorpion -- making the scorpion sting itself...and eventually dying...way cool -- better than tv
# posted by azgoddess : 11/1/07 12:20 PM  

This morning, the milk in my coffee was curdled.

The toilet was backed up.

One of our houseplants had died from lack of watering.

The batteries in my fiance's vibrator had also died.

Until and unless contradictory evidence presents itself, I will remain steadfast in the belief that all of these catastrophes are the work of Islamofascists. And even if such evidence does present itself, I won't believe it anyway.

Clearly, I am qualified to be a columnist for WorldNut Daily! Sign me up! Can I be paid in Cheetos?
# posted by Aaron : 11/1/07 12:34 PM  

azgoddess is absolutely correct about cats being crafty and effective killers of scorpions, except for one little part. scorpions are immune to scorpion venom. same reason that rattlesnakes are immune to rattlesnake venom. if they weren't immune and they poisoned something to death and ate it, it would kill them. the scorpions to watch out for around here are the little bitty guys. they hurt. university of arizona medical center is the only place in the world that keeps a stock of scorpion antivenin on hand. for an adult it can be an unpleasant experience, but for a child or someone allergic to the toxins it can be life threatening. we used to hunt them at night to take to the biology dept at ASU. if you shine a black light and kick over a rock the scorpions glow pale blue. it's cool. i blame texans for this attack. they are rallying around bush like the sunnis rallied around saddam. the texans know that he tanked in his address last night. they are angry.
# posted by The Minstrel Boy : 11/1/07 10:40 PM  

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