Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

George W. Bush: Stupid or not?

Left: One of our alien overlords in an unguarded moment.
Well, it looks like Bush is well on the way to breaking the U.S. military.

I was talking with someone the other day and he said, "I was listening to Art Bell the other night..."

"What, Art is out of retirement AGAIN?"

"Oh yeah, him and his latest Filipino squeeze finally got past the Homeland Security jackboots and made it to his bunker in Nevada. Anyhow, there was this caller who said that President Bush was obviously in the pay of the aliens..."

"Oh get outta here. "

"Seriously! He said obviously the aliens' goal was to destroy the world's strongest military so they could more easily invade..."

"So if these aliens are so all-powerful, why didn't they do it back when we were clanging swords together while wearing sheetmetal on horseback, genius?"

"Speed of light, numnuts. The alien scouts got here, but had to send back to their home star for the invasion fleet. If their home star is thirty light years away, and the UFO crash at Roswell in 1947 was the first scout in the scout fleet, we ought to see the invasion fleet any time now."

"Oh get outta here. President Bush isn't an alien trying to destroy America so that an invasion fleet can have an easier time of it. He's just an overpriviliged moron who never worked a real job in his whole life screwing up because he's an idiot. He's destroying America's military because he's stupid, not because he's working for aliens."

But thinking about it... if I wanted to destroy America (or more specifically its military) so I could more easily invade Earth... wouldn't it be cool to find the dumbest rich boy on the planet, implant a transceiver in his brain so that he can "hear voices" telling him what to do, and maneuver him into the Presidency using the hidden resources of our vast alien conspiracy of cosmetically-engineered aliens posing as humans? And has anybody else noticed the disturbing similarity between Condi Rice and a Klingon?

Naw. That's just sci-fi. Right?

-- Badtux the Conspiracy Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 1/18/2007 08:49:00 AM  


The question is: did the aliens implant receivers in the heads of every generation of the Bush family? After all, Dubya's granddad and great granddad were war criminals who dealt with the Nazis; his daddy ran the CIA and later sold weapons to both sides in the Iran-Iraq War; and of course, we all know about DubYa's fuckups.

Or is it all just karma? Our country's done a lot of nasty things to the rest of the world over the centuries, but could anything we've done been awful enough to justify being fucked over by generation after generation of the vile Bush crime syndicate? When will our long national nightmare end?
# posted by Aaron : 18/1/07 10:19 AM  

I think perhaps a lot of Texans are aliens.
It would explain a lot.
# posted by cornfield jane : 18/1/07 10:32 AM  

I just spoke with the Aliens. They tell me that George Bush is way too stupid to be able to really do anything effectively unless screwing things up is considered being effective.

They also tell me that they only watch us and would not touch us or our earth with a 5 million mile pole because most of humans are crazy and earth is a very unstable place.

They just come to the planet because it is like watching a dark comedy about a massive train wreck.
# posted by Ole Blue The Heretic : 18/1/07 11:07 AM  

Now I understand. That makes perfect sense.
# posted by cornfield jane : 18/1/07 1:41 PM  

As far as conspiracy theories go, this one sounds the most logical. I just wish the Men in Black would come with their little red memory zappers and make it all go away...

# posted by Mixter : 18/1/07 2:24 PM  

We are the rest of the universe's re-habilitaion program?
-- ml
# posted by Martin Langeland : 18/1/07 6:04 PM  


Yeah, right.

But just in case I ever run into one do you have any recipes?

I would love to know how they taste.
# posted by BBC : 18/1/07 9:29 PM  

With those boots, I bet Condi has a really nice corset under that dress.
# posted by georg : 18/1/07 11:17 PM  

BBC, my information is that aliens taste just like chicken. So any chicken recipes should do.

-- Badtux the Tongue-in-beak Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 19/1/07 12:01 AM  

great news! too funny but i guess people are serious about this one???

and if those tv ads don't stop - he will break the military -- geeze can't they hire better maketing people? -- ok, tongue outta cheek here
# posted by azgoddess : 19/1/07 10:03 AM  

Umm... Don't penguins also taste just like chicken?

# posted by Mixter : 19/1/07 1:05 PM  

Shhh! Don't let our Ferengi overlord Dick Cheney know that, Mixter, or I might end up the same way as that poor lawyer feller did!

- Badtux the Deadeye-Dick-admirin' Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 19/1/07 1:55 PM  

The alien overlord does look very alienish in that picture! Hmmm! That caller might be on to something.
# posted by oldwhitelady : 20/1/07 4:09 PM  

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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.

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