Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Beware Teh Gay!

Oh boy. Teh Gay is conspiring against good Reagan-fearin' right-wing Christians again! Good Reagan-fearin right-wing Christians have their bungholes knickered tight about the notion that a "Christian" gardner should be able to turn down business from gays. See, hate is a Christian value in the Never-Right-Wing's point of view, and gay-ness is a communicable disease. Thus the Gay-dar that they're always using to try to avoid the taint of teh gay, which, surprisingly enough, never seems to properly detect the Mark Foleys and David Driers and Larry Craigs of the world...

After all, remember, Jesus said in the version of the Gospels used by the Never Right Wing, "thou shalt hate teh gay, and condemn them, and cast them out from thy communities, for they are teh gay and shall decorate your homes and cut your hair most tastefully, which is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord." This is in Reagan 5:45, which is the 5th Gospel in the Never-Right-Wing's Bible, right next to the part that says, "thy shalt have knotty pine furniture in thy double-wide, or thy shalt be cast to the eternal fogs of San Francisco."

And remember, if teh gay object to this reading of the Gospels and organize a boycott of your business, why, that's an abomination before the Lord! For as it says in Reagan 4:35, "verily verily I say unto thee, it is easier for a poor man to go through the eye of a needle than it is for a poor man to enter Heaven." Money, according to Reagan 4:36, is NOT the root of all evil. Rather, it is the LACK of money that is the root of all evil. When teh gay organizes a boycott, they're not just hurting you, a good never-right-wing Christian. They're offending Jesus Himself, who says that it is the responsibility, nay, the DUTY of all to give their money to good never-right-thinkin' Christians like yourself!

What, you say your Bible only has four Gospels, and is missing the Gospel of Reagan? HERETIC! Get thee from our presence, you... you.... HOMO!

-- Badtux the Never-right-wing Christian Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 10/21/2006 08:45:00 PM  


As you yourself have often noted, Penguin, one must always be on the lookout for the insidious advances of the dastardly Gay Agenda, who lurks in the darkness, awaiting only an opportunity to zap everyone with the Gay Laser of Gayness, turning them Gayer than the Gay Mayor of Gaytown.
# posted by Gerald Fnord : 23/10/06 8:43 AM  

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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.

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"Keep fighting for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce." -- Molly Ivins, 1944-2007 "The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men."

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