Tuesday, September 05, 2006
I don't know how I missed this important news...
Al-Qaeda's No. 114 Killed On Office Depot Run. Said FBI Agent Lloyd Hopkinsen, who led a team of 36 investigators to the accident scene, "This is an important victory in the war against terror." It is claimed that the man, Jalal Dawoud, was going to purchase Pens of Mass Destruction at Office Depot and was plotting to assassinate President Bush by stabbing him through his eyeball with a BIC Round Stic medium-point pen (with blue ink). In other news, the Department of Homeland Security has announced that all ball-point pens are now classified as weapons of mass destruction by the Transportation Security Administration and will be confiscated at airport security checkpoints. "We must protect Americans from the threat of terrorists armed with shampoo products and ball-point pens that can be used to hijack jet airliners."
Traditionally, all members of al-Qaeda are Number Two. It is unknown why this al-Qaeda operative is #114. The FBI is investigating this unusual event and hopes to discover what happened to numbers 3 through 113. Rumors that they can be found at Florida and Arizona flying schools practicing flying but not landings have been roundly dismissed as "nonsense". Said FBI spokesman Jack Hadanuff, "Why would anybody ever want to know how to fly a jet airliner without knowing how to land it?".
-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
Posted by: BadTux / 9/05/2006 09:56:00 AM
- Name: BadTux
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Bill Richardson: Because what America needs is a competent fat man with bad hair as President (haven't we had enough incompetent pretty faces?)
Cost of the War in Iraq
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