Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Flea market of mass destruction!

To quote the New York Times:

It reads like a tally of terrorist targets that a child might have crafted: Old MacDonald's Petting Zoo, the Mule Day Parade, Sweetwater Flea Market and an unspecified "Beach at End of a Street."

Hey, they forgot my apartment complex's swimming pool, which lately has been visited by lots of dusky furriners. Wait, no, those are Indians, not Arabs. But wait, I seem to remember a movie where the Indians attacked white people! What? You're saying those were a different kind of Indian? I'm so confused!

... The database is used by Homeland Security to help divvy up the hundreds of millions of dollars in anti-terrorism grants each year.

Please, Mr. Homeland Security, can I get an anti-terrorism grant to secure my apartment complex's swimming pool against the threat of Indian terrorism? Why, they might shoot fire arrows onto the roof of my apartment building and KILL US ALL!

... The National Asset Database, as it is known, is so flawed, the inspector general found, that Indiana, with 8,591 potential terrorist targets, had 51 percent more sites listed than New York (5,687).

C'mon, everybody knows that there are no terrorist targets in New York. That gaping hole in Manhattan? Nothing to see there, just move along...

I need me some of the drugs that the folks at the Department of Homeland Security are smoking. I just wonder if the Slab Days Festival in Ringgold, Louisiana (population 1660) is listed in that database as a potential terrorist target? Woa, gotta send a Homeland Security grant down there RIGHT NOW to outfit their three-man police department with sub-machine guns and explosives-sniffing dogs! What, wait -- you say Louisiana has a Democratic governor? Cancel that grant! Obviously the fine folks in Omaha and Louisville need it worse.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 7/12/2006 08:01:00 AM  


Wait a minute, don't you have a "vital communications control complex" in the back of a closet at your place? Surely that qualifies for inclusion?
# posted by Bryan : 12/7/06 10:29 AM  

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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.

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