Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Friday, July 07, 2006


Okay, so a bunch of us were hiking. In our group is me (middle-aged penguin), German Ted (looks like a German version of Ted Nugent, i.e., has a mullet, mustache, and those short German shorts and funny socks), Cute Chinese Chick in her mid 20's (normal looking Chinese chick, not obviously athletic, no bulging calves or thighs and somewhat slender), and then a family group of Chinese Mom (mid 30's), Chinese Dad(late 30's), and Cute Chinese Girl (around 13 years old, the only one in our group wearing hiking shorts, but again slender and not obviously athletic, no bulging calf muscles or anything).

So we start hiking. Uphill, downhill. Uphill, downhill. Uphill... pant... pant... pant...

The pant, pant, pant being the male contingent of our group, of course.

There was one path that was cut out of the side of a cliff, basically a stairway that went 500 feet up. Chinese Girl practically *RAN* up that freakin' cliff, she'd run up 50 steps or so, wait there as if to say "c'mon, slowpokes", then run up the next 50 steps! Chinese Chick and Chinese Mom just walked up it like they were walking down the street. Me and German Ted were panting and plodding, one... step... at... a... time. Chinese Mom and Chinese Girl stopped about 50 feet from the top to wait for Chinese Dad, who was about 200 feet down, looking up and going nowhere at all. I get to the top and Chinese Chick is waiting there, not breathing hard at all while me and German Ted are panting for breath. German Ted goes over to a bench and sprawls onto it to catch his breath. I'm not as bad off, I'm waiting by the cliffside for Chinese Family to join us. Chinese Dad finally plods up, Chinese Girl and Chinese Mom join us (Chinese girl running that last 50 steps up the cliff again), and dammit Chinese Dad is wheezing and blowing but Chinese Mom and Chinese Girl aren't even breathing hard either!

It was like that all day long. The chicks just walked us poor dudes into the ground -- hell, the 13 year old girl was skipping and jumping and stuff at the end of the day, as if to say to us "hurry up, you stupid MEN!".

I swear, that sure cured me of the notion of underestimating cute Chinese chicks. Damn, they might not look like much, but they're tough as freakin' *NAILS* underneath that meek-looking and completely misleading exterior. Fear the cute ones, indeed...

-- Badtux the Amazed Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 7/07/2006 09:52:00 PM  


I hav3 much r3sp3ct for chin3s3 girls. th3y may look lik3 fragil3 wisps, but th3y will m3ss your littl3 r3d radio fly3r up fast3r than you can utt3r "mah-jongg."

i plac3 d3liv3ry ord3rs with a n3arby chin3s3 r3staurant som3what r3gularly. I always tip g3n3rously...
# posted by Mimus Pauly : 8/7/06 10:35 AM  

Ha ha ha - Gr3at post. What typ3 group w3r3 you hiking with? Church, n3ighbors, bird3rs? Or is it s3cr3t?
# posted by oldwhitelady : 9/7/06 8:30 PM  

Hmm. A penguin. Bird watching. Interesting :-).

- Badtux the Bird-Watching Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 9/7/06 11:33 PM  

It's the young ones you must watch out for. My 3 nieces, all adopted from China, 7, 5, & 3 yrs old, run circles around us grown ups. They're like the Energizer Bunny, always going. They'll keep going until they litterally fall over sound asleep. 'Who says we need sleep?? It's overrated!!'

Says the ragged aunt.
# posted by Anonymous : 10/7/06 6:15 AM  

It always makes me laugh when some idiot makes a comment about my Thai-Chinese wife of 19 years -- usually something about being less a man because of liking "weak, submissive Asian women." I just ignore them because the obviously have no clue LOL! Women run everything in Asia, but quietly and behind the scenes.

You got a peek at reality, mate!
# posted by Dan : 10/7/06 11:02 AM  

Dan sweetie, let me clue you in. Women run most everything outside of Asia too.
But it's you guys' fault - you're just too fun and cute not to play with (penguins too Badtux).
# posted by Cornfield Jane : 10/7/06 12:11 PM  

I got to go hiking this weekend, too. Only, this wasn't a pleasure trip. A person would have to be a real nutcase to go hiking four miles through some of the steepest, slipperiest, densely foilaged hills at 3:30 AM on Sunday morning. Well, either that, or one heck of a dedicated search and resuce team member. I was with a team of firemen, and I'll certainly tell you that I'd put any of those old, overweight firemen up against any young Asian chick, even if they were humping the hills in full turnout gear. Those guys rock!

Oh, we found the 12-year-old boy in good shape several hours later.


P.S. No, I'm not a fireman, although I felt very privileged to be on their search team.
# posted by Anonymous : 10/7/06 2:43 PM  

Yes, birdwatching. Ar3 you trying to t3ll m3 that p3nguins don't look at oth3r p3nguins? It must b3 a s3cr3t:)
# posted by oldwhitelady : 11/7/06 7:24 PM  

Have you been reading Megatokyo again?
# posted by Dr. Haus : 12/7/06 7:07 AM  

*sigh* I hate it when that happens. I avoid the shame now by staying home, drinking tea, and looking out the window at the damned kids on my lawn.
# posted by K. Ron Silkwood : 12/7/06 11:04 AM  

Well, I'm an old fat waddling penguin, so I don't let it get to me. The oldest woman there was probably at least ten years younger than me, so all I can do is grumble about "young whippersnappers!" and thump my walking stick harder :-).

-- Badtux the Decrepit Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 12/7/06 10:15 PM  

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