Sunday, December 25, 2005
Keeping tabs on dangerous terrorist
From: NSA HQ, Ft. Meade
To: All operatives
Re: New terrorist threat to monitor
It has come to our attention that there is a new terrorist leader at large. This terrorist leader calls for opposition to war, redistributing wealth, and tolerance of deviancy. His birthday is celebrated today, so expect terrorist babble on all channels. Please keep an eye out for any indication of terrorist attacks.
This terrorist: "Jesus H. Christ" -- is to be considered armed and dangerous. Please do not confuse him with his distant relative, "Jesus $ Christ", who is a patriotic American who supports our nation's military and believes that being rich is a sign of godliness.
There are rumors that Jesus H. Christ has been executed by a foreign government. Currently we consider those rumors spurious, given that terrorist organizations are still sharing missives authored by this terror leader.
Update: A new missive has been intercepted:
Why did he come?
In his own words:
"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
because he has anointed me to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim
release to the captives
and recovery of sight to the blind,
to let the oppressed go free,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." (Luke 4:18-19, NRSV)
As we rejoice this Christmas at the coming of the Christ Child, may we also reflect on God's gentle reminder:
There are still poor.
There are still captives.
There are still blind.
There are still oppressed.
And for millions, no year of the Lord's favor has come to forgive the crushing burden of debt and poverty.
Exult with us as we celebrate the Child in the manger, who came that we might have abundant life.
And pray with us as we remember how much there is still to do.
Warmest blessings to you at Christmas.
National Council of Churches USA
We have passed this message up through channels and DHS is responding immediately to this terrorist threat to our shared American values of war, torture, oppression, and accumulation of wealth and material goods. More as the situation develops.
Posted by: BadTux / 12/25/2005 10:26:00 PM
Keep up the good fight Badtux. Oh, and Happy Holidays!
# posted by Rook : 24/12/05 9:34 AM
Amen, brother Tux.....
Wishing you peace, joy and lots of pressies.
# posted by Lab Kat : 24/12/05 10:12 AM
That's the trouble with Jesus -- you just never know when he's going to show up!
Merry Christmas, fellow odd bird.
Til further on...
# posted by Mimus Pauly : 25/12/05 12:20 AM
Good Christmas Morning to you, Mr Penguin, and Happy Holidays to you, and may you and yours enjoy the blessings and peace of the season.
# posted by SB Gypsy : 25/12/05 6:21 AM
Good post - gotta remember... Happy Holidays to you, Penguin. Keep up the good work!
# posted by oldwhitelady : 25/12/05 8:58 AM
I've always wondered.. what does the middle initial 'H' stand for??
Curious penguins & other followers of the message of peace want to know..
Merry, Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!
still looking for 'whirled peas'.. ;-)
# posted by bobby : 26/12/05 7:55 AM
Back in high school, one of my friends said the "H" in Jesus H Christ stands for "hot lips." He might have been French, of course. Jesus $ Christ (aka Republican Jesus) is immoratlized by his profit (oops, I mean PROPHET) Jesus' General
# posted by RepubAnon : 26/12/05 3:13 PM
Happy whatever you celebrate or don't. Just make it happy
# posted by pissed off patricia : 27/12/05 11:53 AM
The "H" stands for Hallmark -- because God cared enough to send the very best.
# posted by Mimus Pauly : 31/12/05 2:28 PM