Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

What's for dinner?

Tuna melt wraps:

One (1) pouch of Sweet'n'Spicy Starkist Tuna
One bag of burrito-sized tortillas
One bag of shredded Monterrey Jack cheese.

Take tortilla. Place on paper plate. Open pouch. Spread some tuna on the tortilla. Spread cheese on top of tuna. Wrap. Nuke in microwave for 30 seconds. Eat. Repeat until full.

This recipe from The Bachelor's Cookbook (written by Badtux the Snarky Penguin), filled with fine cuisine by bachelors, for bachelors.

Note: Do not use this recipe while girlfriend over. She will not understand. Believe me. That's the time you want to raid the fresh veggies aisle and fresh shrimp counter of your local supermarket and break out the food processor and rice cooker and make her a good shrimp creole... shrimp creole over rice is a sure-fired ice-breaker with those of the fairer sex. One bite, and they're like, "Whoa! What is this? This isn't like anything I've ever eaten before! This is good!"

Unless she is a Cajun girl, in which case she will complain that Grandma's shrimp creole was better. But then, you never win with a Cajun girl, so best not even try (heh!).

PS: Hide the "Enola Prudhomme's Low-fat Cajun Cooking" cookbook before Girlfriend comes over, it sort of ruins the effect...

- Badtux the well-fed Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 10/09/2005 10:44:00 PM  


"Bachelor's Cookbook," eh? I can relate.

MP's mac 'n cheese:

1 box mac n' cheese
1 pot
1 stove
tap water
black pepper optional...
# posted by Mimus Pauly : 10/10/05 5:42 AM  

Nice snark. I was in the process of swallowing when I reached your site. Nice.

Thanks for the comment.

have you noticed we have to enter many more letters for haloscan? In a few weeks they are going to have to add digits.
# posted by Debra : 10/10/05 6:42 AM  

MP, you forgot the butter and milk. Has to be *real* butter, none of that fake stuff. Also, for additional flavor add in some cubed Spam ("Spam, Spam, that magical meat/tasty, tasty, tasty treat/magical, glistening, quivering pink/food of the Gods, SPAM!").

Optionally, toss in a can of cream-of-mushroom soup and a can of tuna.

Needless to say, mac'n'cheese is on page 294 of The Bachelor's Cookbook, not page 4... it requires dirtying a pot, for one thing. And the goal of the Bachelor's Cookbook is to set it up so you don't need to dirty a pot except on special occasions...

As for Cajun girls, my brother is married to one. He's this big galoomph of a guy, 6'5" tall. She's this itsy bitsy tiny little thing, maybe 95 pounds wet, 4'11" tall.

Two guesses as to who is the boss in that house :-). (Hint: SWMBO).

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 10/10/05 8:29 AM  

I used to grill some sausages under the broiler, boil up a bunch of pasta, chop up the sausages, mix the whole mess (cooked pasta and sausages) with some canned marinara sauce and shredded mozarella in a tall casserole dish, put a layer of shredded mozarella on top, and then put the dish under the broiler until the cheese just browned. That plus a salad was dinner.

I was fifteen years younger then, though, and a whole lot lighter. By the way. Don't ever go to the doctor for a check-up. I did that and he told me I had slightly elevated cholesterol. I never had anything but perfect cholesterol counts before. I blame it on getting a check-up with the doctor. I won't be doing that again. F***ing doctor.
# posted by DBK : 10/10/05 10:40 AM  

I must be part bachelor or something because the tuna melt sounded good. :)
# posted by Lab Kat : 10/10/05 11:38 AM  

Where would I find that Bachelor's Cookbook? I realize you wrote it for bachelors, but I'm a Bachelorette.

MP, I like to add mushroom soup to that mixture. Fantastic!
# posted by oldwhitelady : 10/10/05 11:54 AM  

GD Frogsdong - I know what you mean about those doctors. Everything can go along swimmingly, and then you go to the doc for a checkup. BAM! They tell you that you have to stop this, and that, and everything else. There goes all the fun.

Funny story, though, back years ago, I worked for a medical provider. They started some aerobic class and other exercise classes. They said we would get 5% discount off our insurance for that year if we had a check up, by a health department in the company. I did, I lost height, and gained weight, according to them. 2 inches make a big difference on how much you weigh. They, of course, recommended that I join the fitness classes.
Even funnier thing, my doctor at the time had my height at the correct place. I started a new doctor and his office also measured me at the correct height.

Penguin, I'm sorry for getting off track.
# posted by oldwhitelady : 10/10/05 12:01 PM  

I didn't forget a thing, BT -- my mac n' cheese is often of the "boil and eat" variety. (Butter? Don't make me disclose my cholesterol level...) Although I do like to add diced tomatoes and onions to the mix. Sometimes, I'll toss in some raw broccoli -- raw broccoli is a very pro-human commodity. Then again, I am very strange...
# posted by Mimus Pauly : 11/10/05 6:41 AM  

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