Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Who needs soldiers when you have a Constitution?

A wave of violence swept Iraq today. Shiite-hating Sunni insurgents are just blowing the place the shreds. But never fear, our glorious Secretary of Defense has the answer to insurgents armed with RPG's and AK-47's and bombs: a Constitution.

The moment this Constitution is finished, why, all the insurgents will just curl up and whimper "Mommmy!" and, like, just *DIE*. And the Sunni will start loving Shiites instead of treating them like Southern Baptists treat Catholics! So we aren't gonna need a draft after all, even though we're running out of soldiers to the point where one officer even recommends recruiting VisigothsMexicans who don't speak the native language as the solution. Sorta like the Romans ended up relying on folks like Odovocar, the German general who eventually slew the last Roman emperor and declared himself king, thereby ending the western Roman Empire.

But never fear, the same won't happen to us, 'cause we have a Constitution too, and those meanies who don't like us will just curl up and whimper "Mommy!" and die! Who needs bullets when you have a Constitution?!

Oh, and a Constitution also gives fresh breath, whiter teeth, and reverses balding, woohoo!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 8/09/2005 03:17:00 PM  



How do you get a visual up in your header using le Blogger?
# posted by cookie jill : 9/8/05 8:14 PM  

The visual actually lives on another server, and is put there as the background image of the top row of the table in the stylesheet. Try 'View Source' in your browser for more info.

- Badtux the HTML Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 9/8/05 8:48 PM  

Constitution?! Oh, and a Constitution also gives fresh breath, whiter teeth, and reverses balding,

Since when?
# posted by oldwhitelady : 9/8/05 10:19 PM  

Why, since Rummy said it did, of course!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 9/8/05 11:25 PM  

Apparently, constitutions are like saintly relics, the sources of inexplicable, miraculous events.
Somehow, it seems right that this administration would see it that way. After all,
i. their ignorance of concepts like due process and the separation of powers shows that, for all their 'patriotism,' they don't understand the words of our constitution,
ii. from their denial of global climate change, through their claims about WMD in Iraq, to W's assertion that ID has the same standing as the theory of evolution, they've repeatedly declared that belief has the same standing as fact, and,
iii. they've brought back the practices, if not the name, of the Holy Inquisition.
# posted by Anonymous : 9/8/05 11:57 PM  

Perhaps a rousing game of rock, paper, scissors to determine the end of hostilities?
# posted by Desi : 10/8/05 6:32 AM  

Iraq..constitution..Hey! Is that what happened to ours? I bet we lent our constitution to Iraq and they just never gave it back.
# posted by zenyenta : 10/8/05 12:08 PM  

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