Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Traitor parents brainwash their children

"Parents," said one recruiter in Ohio who insisted on anonymity because the Army ordered all recruiters not to talk to reporters, "are the biggest hurdle we face."

The NERVE of those parents! These activist parents who have no qualms about projecting their own views onto their children should be ASHAMED of themselves. Their unpatriotic notion that parents are responsible for raising their children, not the Department of Defense, is TREASON! I'm just shocked that these parents think they have the right to instill their own values in their children. Why do these parents hate America? It is clear that there is only one thing us good patriotic Americans can do about this situation: Take away the children of those traitor activist parents and have the military raise them!

My IQ was going up again (it got past 85 for a moment there!) so in order to get it back down again I went to see what my fellow Freepers at have to say about this story. Here's some choice quotes:

  • ... these parents are actively interfering with their children's transfer to adulthood.
  • IMAGINE! The military teaching people how to use weapons! The Humanity!
  • Liberals think freedom doesn't require the ultimate sacrifice. [ Thus why conservative pundit Jonah Goldberg hasn't signed up, because he obviously believes it does -- as long as it is someone ELSE's sacrifice. -- TAH ]
  • it is amazing that this sick, anti-American, fantasy mindset can even exist in this country.
  • NEEDS A REWRITE: "Rachel Rogers, a single mother of four in upstate New York, aging Hippy, Kerry voter, anti-military liberal zombie and one of those annoying, cloying folks who runs your local homeowners association or PTA with an iron fist and sharp tongue, today took on our nation's military ..."
  • These screwballs should be drafted and made to walk on the side of the roads in Iraq, looking for bombs!!
Phew! IQ back down below 60 again, and it took only one story to do it! For a moment there, I was scared that I might actually have to *THINK*! Boy, I'm glad I averted THAT disaster, because then I might have, like, felt bad about something that our country or our leaders have done, and we wouldn't want THAT to happen, would we?

In other news, that evil supervillain, The Gay Agenda, has struck again. The Gay Agenda this time used his evil super-weapon, the Gay Laser of Gayness (thanks, Pope Nixon!), to turn a manly-man U.S. Army Ranger into a girly-girl. This is what is going to happen to you too, loyal readers, if you don't help us Freepers stop that evil supervillain, The Gay Agenda! Remember, all you have to do is drop a phone call to one of those superheroes in the service of good, James Dobson, Jerry Falwell, or Pat Robertson, and they'll immediately jump into the Godmobile and use their super-powers of Bible Thumping and Fatuous Oration to bring The Gay Agenda to quarter! Do it for your children, please think of the children!

-- Badtux the Newly Converted Freeper Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 6/03/2005 12:25:00 PM  


You're killing me, BadTux, you know that?
# posted by Mimus Pauly : 3/6/05 4:54 PM  

Wow, Doonesbury was just struggling with this very topic. I guess Gary Trudeau’s not that irrelevant after all. I thought of joining the military. My father, who had been an SP and a Seabee and was very active with the VFW and American Legion, talked me out of it with two simple phrases, “You don’t like dealing with stupid people or taking orders. The military is no place for you.” Wow, what a “sick, anti-American, fantasy mindset” dad had.

If Schroer re-enlists, and she is a woman on the inside, will she be eligible for combat? What about after her penis is removed? I feel a magnetic sticker coming on, “Support our transgender troops”.
# posted by NewsBlog 5000 : 3/6/05 5:16 PM  

I don't think the enlistment problems of the military are the fault of parents or the Gay Agenda. I think we have to look at first causes. It's all the fault of the Clenis. The Clenis made those men gay. The Clenis made those parents into freedom hating hippie liberal scum.

Rule No. 1: It is always the fault of the Clenis.

Rule No. 2: If you don't think the Clenis is at fault, refer to Rule No. 1.
# posted by DBK : 3/6/05 6:49 PM  

Clenis (noun)
A slang term for an overly large clitoris.

I can see how that would make right wingers nervous.
# posted by NewsBlog 5000 : 3/6/05 7:57 PM  

That's not the definition I have for it.
# posted by DBK : 3/6/05 8:44 PM  

Mr. Newsblog obviously is not a reader of Jesus's General, otherwise he would have encounted The Clenis(tm) previously. Here is former attorney general John Asscroft defining The Clenis(tm) and describing the threat that it poses to the nation. Enjoy!

- Badtux the Former Attorney General Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 3/6/05 10:22 PM  

Oh, would I just love to know how many of the commenting freepers are "of age" themselves!

- oddjob
# posted by Anonymous : 5/6/05 11:03 AM  

Tell me those freeper comments weren't really posted... please..
Aren't they (media) telling parents to get involved in their children's lives?
# posted by oldwhitelady : 5/6/05 11:39 AM  

Sorry, Old Lady, each and every one of those Freeper comments is genuine and was posted to the article that I reference. I might have chopped off the beginning of a run-on sentence and stuck a period at a logical stopping point, but that's it.
# posted by BadTux : 5/6/05 10:08 PM  

Alas, this insidious epidemic of parental America-hating is spreading. Even Pat Tillman's parents hate America! Get the torches and pitchforks!
# posted by Pope Horatio Tyrannosaurus Nixon Rex : 6/6/05 10:28 AM  

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"Keep fighting for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce." -- Molly Ivins, 1944-2007 "The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men."

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