Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Gay Agenda victimizes penguins!

After posting the gay penguin porn below, I received a comment from Pope Horatio Tyrannosaurus Nixon Rex of the Church of Nixon Incarnate reminding me that this isn't the first time that gay penguins have been in the news. Given that homosexuality is an unnatural perversion perpetrated by sinners upon one another, how could penguins, who are animals and thus free of sin, be gay? Obviously someone is FORCING them to be gay!

After much investigation, I found the villian! I asked my Freeper friends, and they said that it's The Gay Agenda that's forcing these poor innocent penguins to be gay! Apparently The Gay Agenda is a super-villain much like Lex Luther or The Joker, who goes around forcing men to marry men and women to marry women and boy penguins to, well, boink boy penguins, and The Gay Agenda will come and force YOUR child to be gay if good God-fearing Americans like you and I don't put a stop to him! After some digging around on the Internets, I found a picture of The Gay Agenda:

If you see this villain, contact Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell immediately so that they can rush to the God Cave, toss on their superhero outfits, and foil this evil villain using the mighty superpowers of Bible Thumping and Fatuous Orating granted to them when they were exposed to toxic chemicals as youths! It makes this Freeper's heart just THROB with joy to think of these three-piece-suited crusaders rushing through the streets in the Godmobile to save innocent penguins from being turned into perverts by that evil supervillain, The Gay Agenda!

-- Badtux the Newly-Converted Freeper Penguin

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Posted by: BadTux / 6/02/2005 08:34:00 PM  


actually, Salon had an article about gay penguins not so long ago. I'll try and find the link.
# posted by Jonathan Versen : 3/6/05 2:12 AM  

Every night before I lay my head down on the Papal pillow, I make a thorough search of the premises to insure that the Gay Agenda isn't lurking anywhere, waiting to strike. His favorite tactic is to hide in people's closets and then leap out unexpectedly, zapping them with his insidious Gay Laser of Gayness. If you get hit, it will instantly turn you Gayer than the Gay Mayor of Gaytown. I'm pretty sure that's what must've happened to your unfortunate penguin brethren. Be ever vigilant!
# posted by Pope Horatio Tyrannosaurus Nixon Rex : 3/6/05 8:36 AM  

Hugo, go click on the picture of the militant marching gay penguins in the gay penguin porn post (which takes you to a Vegan porn site -- they post pictures of nekkid veggies, I kid you not!), and follow the link to their previous article on the subject of gay animals. You'll find the Salon link there.

These Internets are really neat, huh?!

-- Badtux the Clickety-click Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 3/6/05 8:47 AM  

Great Nixon preserve us, I just went back and looked at your last comment on your previous post about Penguin Gayness, and realized that you had already mentioned the Gay Laser of Gayness before I did! Don't tell me that you've been shot with that fearsome weapon? The horruh! The horruh!
# posted by Pope Horatio Tyrannosaurus Nixon Rex : 3/6/05 11:47 AM  

Oh, but it's worse than that, you see. The Gay Agenda has reached far more animals than penguins.

- oddjob
# posted by Anonymous : 5/6/05 11:07 AM  

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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.

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