Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Friday Cat Killer Blogging

Howdy, fellers! Bubba the Southern Penguin here. Sorry about the delay since my last visit here. See, I was feelin' bad and went home early from work, and Darlene was playing some music by a "musician" called P.J. Harvey that made my balls just shrivel up and run hidin' for cover! Then Darlene started SCREECHING at me about Julia! And I tried playing dumb and pretendin' I didn't know nothin' about no Julia, she grabbed the scissors off of the end table and chased me right on out the door!

So anyhow, I been hangin' out at my cousin Badtux's house (Badtux is my cousin on both my mother's side and my father's side, isn't that cool?!). Now, that was a bit of a bummer, 'cause, like, Badtux is so smart and all and was a real domehead traitor type what with dissing our President and all that, but I fixed him -- I left his computer turned to and it just took a few minutes for his IQ to get almost down to where mine is! Afore you knew it, ole' Badtux was drinkin' Budweiser, watchin' NASCAR, belchin', and singin' the praises of our preznit! Well, until one day when Clarence Thomas made sense and the Freepers made sense, at which point his IQ went back up and he went right back to his old ways. Darn!

Anyhow, I was talkin' to my ole' (cat) huntin' buddy Bill Frist and he was askin' me if I could find him some cats, 'cause he was just so darn mad at them eight Republican senators that went over to the other side and kept him from goin', like, NOO-clear on them thare Democrats. Boom! Crash! Wow that woulda been great! So he's all bummed out 'cause there weren't, like, no fireworks and no Democrats learnin' that their traitor ways isn't gonna be tolerated no more. Anyhow, I had to tell ole' Doc Bill that there just weren't no cats left herebouts for him to cut up to vent his frustrations, he done cleaned'em all out! Last I saw he was off mutterin' about maybe practicin' his surgery skills on Democrats instead of on cats. You think I ought to tell somebody about that? Oh shoots no, what was I thinking, we're talkin' DEMOCRATS, after all, it ain't like he'd be cuttin' up, like, PEOPLE!

Now, if you look off to the right, you see somethin' about a "Big Brass Alliance". I ain't sure what that is all about, so I asked Badtux. All Badtux did was mutter about The Anonymous Hacker ("TAH") and something called a "Down Street Memo". I ain't quite sure what that means, does that means wes got a street that's, like, SUNK? But we gots some senators who say they is holdin' hearings 'bout them. I ain't quite sure what they is hearin' (maybe Satan speakin in they's head?), and what it's got to do with some street, maybe they is gonna help Doc Bill fix up some of the old cars up on blocks in his front yard and have a parade?

Well, gotta go. Darlene just called and asked me to come back home! She said she was missin' me like, big time, 'cause without me around there was nobody to make her feel smart and sophisticated! Wow, I never knew the woman appreciated me so much. Boy, I'm pumped! (In more ways than one, if you know what I mean, heheheh!). I just hope she ain't playin' no more of that PJ Harvey, man, that woman "singer" just makes my tool, like, quit toolin', know what I mean?!

Bloggin' from the Heartland,
-- Bubba the Southern Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 6/10/2005 11:11:00 PM  


Maybe I can get Darlene to play some Bikini Kill for you next time... heh heh heh heh....
# posted by drumwolf : 11/6/05 9:06 AM  

Bubba, that was a good write-up you did about the Big Brass Alliance and the Downing Street Memo.

Now, don't you be telling Frist where some cats are, ok?
# posted by The cats, formerly known as CottonSaddieMango : 11/6/05 3:08 PM  

BadTux, would you like to introduce your cousin to the works of Tori Amos, or shall I? (heh heh heh)
# posted by Mimus Pauly : 13/6/05 7:35 AM  

Fer Chrissakes, Penguin, if'n you think PJ Harvey makes the ol' tool quit a-toolin, don't let Darlene listen to none o' that there Sleater-Kinney. Once them chicks commence to shriekin', yer little friend'll go on permanent vacation!

PS. Yeeeeee haaaaaaa!!!!!
# posted by Pope Horatio Tyrannosaurus Nixon Rex : 14/6/05 8:16 AM  

Guess I'm gonna be buying Darlene some more music to torture Bubba with, eh? Lessee, Bikini Kill and Sleater-Kinney, okay, then!

One objection, though. Tori Amos is *SULTRY*. She doesn't make the tool shrivel, she makes the tool howl in appreciation! For shame, Mimus, dissing the Great Torch Singer of the new era... what were you thinking?!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 15/6/05 7:38 PM  

She doesn't make the tool shrivel, she makes the tool howl with appreciation!

That depends on the tool's owner, BadTux. Somehow I don't think Bubba would appreciate the lyrics to, say, "Me and a Gun." Or "Little Amsterdam." Either one of them might linger in his addled-brain a little too long for comfort...
# posted by Mimus Pauly : 15/6/05 11:14 PM  

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