Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Friday Cat Killer Blogging

Howdy, Bubba the Southern Penguin here, with Friday Cat Killer Bloggin' starring Senator Bill Frist! Sorry I didn't get 'roundbouts here last week, see, I was barbecuing the week before, and Darlene just *INSISTED* on grillin' some vegetables. Imagine that, grilling VEGETABLES! On the same barbecue grill that I GRILL MY RIBS ON! Why, I taught her a lesson that she'll NEVER forget, yessiree! Anyhow, once I got out of the hospital yesterday, well, ah, err... look, when she fed my ribs to my ole' hound dog Trigger, why, I just HAD to, uhm, well, I guess I sorta tripped over the grill, ah, uhm...

So what's our Doctor Mengele of the cat world been up to lately? Why, settin' up to go NOO-clear. KaBOOOM! Yeah Billy boy, show them thare LIE-berals just how big of girly-men they really is! So today, our buddy Bill got his pal John Cornyn to pull himself away from admiring box turtles in order to to fire off the trigger of the noo-CLEAR option. Those Democrat wimps, meanwhile, whine that this is breaking the rules and illegal besides. Oh boo hoo! Don't you wimpy LIE-berals get it yet? Rules are for losers, and laws are only for Democrats! Look, we'uns is on top, and you losers are on the bottom, and we gonna make you wimps squeal like a pig, and there ain't nothin' that you'uns can do about it, bwhwhahahahaha!

Meanwhile, at home I went to the theater the other day and was talkin' with Darlene about how that thare LIE-beral media was a'lyin' about our glorious victories in EYE-rack, and then these two stupid dudes interrupted me and said I was wrong, that EYE-rack was a mess and the insurgents were winning and they knew this because they were soldiers on leave from Iraq and they had just got back from six months over there. I told'em they didn't know what they was talkin' about, 'cause we'uns back here got Fox News and they tells us lots more than soldiers learn over there in EYE-rack! Then one of these stupid dudes says yeah sure, I know better than people's that was over there, of course I do, I'm a good Republican who watches Fox News and listen to Rush Limbaugh so I know LOTS more than soldiers who, like, are actually fighting, about what's going on in EYE-rack! Finally, one of these losers says to me if I think things are so good in EYE-rack, why isn't I volunteering? Oh puh-LEEZE. You can't get the NASCAR Channel in EYE-rack! Besides, I is needed here at home to, like, make sure the guys over there gots plenty of, well, err, well, look, cars need their oils changed! Yessiree, my job down thare at the Quicky Loob is, like, VITAL TO THE NATIONAL SECURITY, if I ain't down thare changin' folks' oil, why, their cars will all die and our whole economy will collapse!

Besides, my lovable Darlene is just so great a lady, shorely I couldn't leave her to go over there to EYE-rack? Why, if I stick around for another six weeks or so, she may even let me, err, do my husbandly duty, well, after the cast comes off anyhow. By the way, who was this John Wayne Bobbit dude that Darlene's been talkin' about? She sez I'm 'bout to be just as manly as him, see, if I keep on like I is, and while "John Wayne" surely is a manly name, "Bobbit"... well, ain't that the kinda name that one of them pukey damnyankees would have?! But anyhow, I'm glad that Darlene appreciates my manliness, and I'm sure she'll let me sleep on my bed instead of the couch pretty soon!

-- Bubba the Southern Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 5/20/2005 10:04:00 PM  


Boy howdy, Bubba! Them motherfuckin' born-again bleedin'-heart librul soldiers got some nerve comin' back here and dumpin' all over our Commander-in-Chief like that. I got two words for you Commie-wanna-bes: September 11! Y'all are I-ther with us or against us, so motherfuckin' DEAL WITH IT!!

An' here's anuther thing for you conscientious objector pussies to suck on: I know we're winnin' the war in Eye-raq, so fuck y'all. President Bush, bless his soul, says so, an' I believe it, an' that settles it! DEAL WITH IT!!!

Why do those motherfuckers hate America so much, Bubba? WHY?!?!!?!!!
# posted by Mimus Pauly : 20/5/05 11:38 PM  

Now Mr. Penguin, if'n I didn't know better, I'd almost think y'all was bein' sarcastic in yer comments on tha nookular option. Don't y'all unnerstand? Them Demmiecrats have already blocked TEN outta DubYa's 216 nominees!

Y'all think them terr-ists ain't watchin' this fight? If'n they see them LIE-berals blockin' .046% of Dear Leader's judges, that's when they know weez divided an' weak! That's when they's a-gonna strike! If'n we don't go nookular in the Senate, they's a-gonna go nookular all over us! Condi said so! Y'all ready fer some fallout in yer herring, eh Penguin? ARE YA???

And lay off'n ol' Billy fer the cat-killin! Shoot, he's jes a good ol' boy from Tennessee. Man's gotta eat, don't he? Y'all want his family to starve? How much roadkill y'all think there is on the streets of DC, anyway? Well, sure, mebbe that there Constitution, but ya cain't eat paper!

# posted by Pope Horatio Tyrannosaurus Nixon Rex : 21/5/05 11:55 AM  

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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.

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"Keep fighting for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce." -- Molly Ivins, 1944-2007 "The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men."

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