Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Monday, April 04, 2005

War on Fun drafts pharmacists

One of the new fronts in the "Christian" right's War on Fun is your helpful drugstore pharmacist, who is being enlisted to deny birth-control pills to women. It seems that some "Christian" pharmacists are refusing to provide birth control pills to women because it "conflicts with their ethics", because it allows women to have fun without getting pregnant (the NERVE of those uppity witches!). After a few pharmacists got fired for this, the "Christian" right started pushing for Freedom of Conscience laws, which say that pharmacists can't be fired for "following their conscience".

The Snarky Penguin applauds this law, because it will protect Tuxologist pharmacists, too. See, Tuxology believes that modern medicine is a conspiracy, and that large doses of cod liver oil are all that is necessary to cure every human disease. So now the following scenario will no longer result in the firing of a Tuxologist pharmacist:

Man: "Hi, could you fill this prescription?"
TP: "Sure! Here you go."
Man: "Uh, this isn't Viagra, this is cod liver oil."
TP: "That's right. Cod liver oil will make your little soldier salute like a Marine!"
Man: "But I want Viagra!"
TP: "Well you can't have any, because I'm a Tuxologist and we Tuxologists don't believe in Viagra!"
Man: "But... but... I have a PRESCRIPTION! And it's your JOB to fill this prescription! What kind of customer service are you providing, anyhow?"
TP: "It's for your own good, sir. You can talk to the manager if you want, but it won't help you, because of the new Freedom of Conscience law, that says I don't have to dispense medicines that my religion says are evil!"
Man: "But... but... that's WRONG! It's your JOB to dispense medicines!"
TP: "Sorry sir, I don't have to dispense Viagra and there's nothing you can do about it. It's the law."

My understanding is that Christian Science pharmacists are especially pleased by the new laws. Since they believe that all medicine is anti-God, their entire job will become handing out religious tracts and pray for the sick when people come to get their prescriptions filled -- Praise the Lord!

Yours in Snark,
Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 4/04/2005 12:23:00 PM  


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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.

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