Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Terrorist commies oppose our Great Leader's wise plans

Attorney General Abu "I Love Torture!" Gonzales today spoke before Congress in favor of extending the most onerous provisions of the Patriot Act. In response, those Communist groups "American Conservative Union", "Americans for Tax Reform", the "Citizens' Committee for the Right to Keep and Bear Arms", the "Eagle Forum" and the "American Association of Physicians and Surgeons" formed a coalition of liberal Commie terrorist organizations, called "Patriots to Restore Checks and Balances", in order to oppose the extension of these provisions. It is clear that any group with a name like "American Conservative Union" or "Citizens' Committee for the Right to Keep and Bear Arms" is just die-hard liberal Commies out to DESTROY AMERICA! After all, surely only liberals could dare oppose our Great Leader's just use of domestic spying, torture, and public accusations against known terrorists, right? Right?!

In other news, the Justice Department sticks its tongue out at a group that wants information about its secret detentions of, well, people who haven't been convicted of anything (not a single terrorism conviction in the whole batch, as far as we know). Wanting to know who's being "disappeared" by the Department of Justice is, well, just plain UN-AMERICAN, right? Right?!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 4/05/2005 12:45:00 PM  


Mr. Bad Tux (sic),
Could you have misread the situation? All 'a us here on the Save Terri right know that these respect'ble organize-ations that you've named are not Comoonist groups: Presidents Reagan, Bush I and Clinton (even) did nothin' if not rid our country of these there fifth columnist threat. Sure as Jesus'd wanted it that way, there ain't no anarcho-syndicalists, Trotskyites or Bolshevists left in this God fearin' land. All we's got left to contend with is a bunch of librules and that's no big problem. After all, ain't nobody ever heard of no bomb-throwin'-librule, have they?
Clearly, librules have infiltrated these esteemed organizations and misrepresented them as opposin' God's own Patriot Act. Good thing is, though, that just as certain as there's no bomb throwin' librules, there ain't no librules that wouldn't renounce their beliefs an' denounce their buddies after a coupla hours of thumb screws or water boardin'. All we's got ta do is send a coupla those organization's leaders off on a extraord'nary rendition junket and, before you can say "Tom Thumbscrew," all the resta them'll be talkin' up what a great thing this here Patriot Act is and champin' at the bridle in their hurry to get back to their jobs as advertising executives and Holeyweed producers.

# posted by Anonymous : 5/4/05 4:47 PM  

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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.

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