Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Friday Cat Killer Blogging

Howdy folks, Bubba the Southern Penguin here, with today's fine feature, Friday Cat Killer Bloggin' with Senator Bill Frist! Today, let's talk about his legendary doctorin' skills. Why, this is a heart surgeon who, like, knows everything about doctorin', who can diagnose any illness via only a few snippets of highly-edited video, even if it's an illness that's got nuthin' to do with heart surgery. Why, that makes him almost as smart as my buddies down at the general store, who know more about how to deal with furriners (nuke'em all!) than the entire U.S. Department of State, despite most of'em never ever even gradgiating high school! (Well, I gots to say I gradgiated, my senior year I took arithmetic, reeding, speling, and auto shop at Cooterville High School and they gave me one of them thare deploma thingies to hang on my wall proudly!).

Yessiree, that's why me'n the good ole' boys down at the general store think Mr. Bill will make a fine, fine Presnit. I mean, look, he tole' it like it was about that Terri Shiavo lady: "In my expert medical opinion, Terri Schiavo is not a vegetable," Sen. Bill Frist (R- TN) said. "Broccoli is a vegetable. Green Beans are a vegetable. Terri Schiavo is not. I done seen her on the TV, and I am a doctor, just like Doogie Howser. So there." You know us southern fellers just love straight talkin' fellers like that! And he was right, y'know? I done seen plenty of vegetables in my life, green beans, collards, turnips, okra, tomaters, you name it, and that Terri Shiavo didn't look like NONE of them!

Well, gotta go. My shift down at the chicken renderin' plant starts in a few hours, and I gotta go fix one of the cars up on blocks in my front yard and borrow some tires from one of the cars in Cooter's front yard so I kin gets to work. See ya down at the gen'ral store!

- Bubba the Southern Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 4/01/2005 08:02:00 AM  


Now that Terri has passed on, we have the opportunity to find out if she really was a vegetable. Trained chefs could prepare her remains with a number of other commonly accepted vegetables (corn, peas, broccoli, spinach, peppers and tomatoes) in a variety of styles (steamed, boiled, stir fried and baked). Vegan diners could then conduct a simple taste test which would quickly reveal what part didn't belong with the rest.

# posted by Anonymous : 2/4/05 9:19 AM  

Sir, I salute you! It takes a lot to be more outrageous than the Snarky Penguin, and you have accomplished that. Congratulations, sir, you are now the recipient of the prestigious Kippered Herring Award for Quality in Commentary, where do you wish your award to be mailed?

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
# posted by BadTux : 3/4/05 12:55 PM  

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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.

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"Keep fighting for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce." -- Molly Ivins, 1944-2007 "The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men."

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