Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Friday, March 18, 2005

The War on Fun(tm) Continues: Baseball on Trial

Religious conservatives have been at war against fun for hundreds of years, because fun is sinful. We're talking about the kind of folks who talk about "marital duty" and make sure to keep an image in their mind (like, say, Dick Cheney naked) so that they don't enjoy themselves too much whist doing their "marital duty" (and then wonder why they need Viagra to get it up).

So they looked around, saw that people were enjoying themselves watching this "baseball" thing, and started immediately looking at this "baseball" thing looking for the evil... and... AHAH! They might be using DRUGS! Which are FUN! Which are thus EVIL! Which thus means we must use the full power of the State to squash it, even if the only person being harmed is the dude ruining his liver and shrivelling his testicles!

Thank you, Congress, for ruining my enjoyment of baseball. Why, if you didn't hold McCarthy-style inquisitions ("Are you now, or have you ever, used performance-enhancing drugs?"), why, those baseball players could run amok and KILL US ALL!

Boy, this Congressional action really makes this penguin feel safer, y'know? It sure is reassuring to know that the mighty Drug Warriors in Congress are protecting me from those evil baseball players... why, if Congress didn't protect me from those evil baseball players they might... they might... give me some entertaining sports to watch! GAH! The evil! The pure evil! (whimper!)

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 3/18/2005 12:46:00 PM  


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"Keep fighting for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce." -- Molly Ivins, 1944-2007 "The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men."

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