Friday, March 18, 2005
The War on Fun(tm) Continues: Baseball on Trial
Religious conservatives have been at war against fun for hundreds of years, because fun is sinful. We're talking about the kind of folks who talk about "marital duty" and make sure to keep an image in their mind (like, say, Dick Cheney naked) so that they don't enjoy themselves too much whist doing their "marital duty" (and then wonder why they need Viagra to get it up).
So they looked around, saw that people were enjoying themselves watching this "baseball" thing, and started immediately looking at this "baseball" thing looking for the evil... and... AHAH! They might be using DRUGS! Which are FUN! Which are thus EVIL! Which thus means we must use the full power of the State to squash it, even if the only person being harmed is the dude ruining his liver and shrivelling his testicles!
Thank you, Congress, for ruining my enjoyment of baseball. Why, if you didn't hold McCarthy-style inquisitions ("Are you now, or have you ever, used performance-enhancing drugs?"), why, those baseball players could run amok and KILL US ALL!
Boy, this Congressional action really makes this penguin feel safer, y'know? It sure is reassuring to know that the mighty Drug Warriors in Congress are protecting me from those evil baseball players... why, if Congress didn't protect me from those evil baseball players they might... they might... give me some entertaining sports to watch! GAH! The evil! The pure evil! (whimper!)
- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
Posted by: BadTux / 3/18/2005 12:46:00 PM
- Name: BadTux
- Location: Some iceberg, South Pacific, Antarctica
I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.
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