Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Friday, March 18, 2005

"Mr. Badtux, are you, or are you not, using snark-enhancing drugs?"

Asking me, or any other blogger, to answer questions about who took snark-enhancing drugs in front of television cameras will not solve this problem. If a blogger answers, 'No,' he simply will not be believed. If he answers, 'Yes,' he risks public scorn and endless government investigations.

I will use whatever influence and popularity that I have to discourage young bloggers from taking any drug that is not recommended by a doctor. What I will not do, however, is participate in naming names and implicating my friends and fellow bloggers like Norbizness, Seb, Jay, Skippy, or that dude blogging from the gates of Hell (hmm, do snark-enhancing drugs do any good for dead people?).

And in conclusion, I know that I tested positive for snark-enhancing drugs back in 2002 but that was just a pickled herring given to me by someone I thought was a fan. How was I to know that it was laced with snark-enhancing drugs?

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 3/18/2005 10:59:00 PM  


Mr. Penguin,
Since I read that imbibing substances to alter or aid my ability to write blog posts taints the internet and distorts the field of authorship, I have suffered a crisis of conscience. I have tried sorting through the many bottles in my liquor cabinet, the multitude of fraudulently obtained prescriptions in my medicine cabinet, the bags of white and brown powder, fungus and cactus I keep in my desk and refrigerator, the selection of buds and blocks in my humidor and the sheets of blots I keep within the pages of Anne Coulter's carefully researched tome, all to no avail. I've been overwhelmed by the questions: does a substances legality effect its suitability for ingestion before blogging?; do the same meds that aid nationally syndicated talk radio hosts enhance snark?; do some beverages aid snark, while others inhibit it?; if a drug's action distorts the image on my monitor, can it really be said to be 'snark enhancing?'; if a powder (smoked, injected or snorted) helps me stay awake and read more blogs, and so raise advertising revenues, is it really detrimental?
Help me out: which are the snark enhancing drugs I should get rid of?
As far as steroids in baseball goes: the warlords who run Afghanistan under the wing of our armed forces are now overseeing the gathering of record opium harvests with the resulting production of a superfluity of high grade heroin. Without even touching on the analog in Laos, isn't this drug trade, with all of the damage it will do, more worthy of the attention of our Congress than the muscle enhancing excesses of American athletes?
# posted by Anonymous : 19/3/05 8:38 AM  

Thank god you are not a dork like that Heretik Dude. You are one of the good guys, no matter what chemicals have leached down to the very tips of your flippers. Thank you for your wisdom and inciteful insights.
# posted by The Heretik : 20/3/05 6:50 AM  

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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.

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