Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

A modest proposal for solving the Army's recruiting problem

A Bump In The Beltway reports that the Army has proposed a modest solution for their recruiting problems. As we all know, the Army (and to a lesser extent the Marines) are having a problem recruiting enough new soldiers. As a result, the Pentagon is asking Congress to extend enlistments by 2 more years.

This penguin says this: We need an end to these half measures! Since it is obvious that our Legions will be occupied invading one country after the next for the rest of the foreseeable future, we should do like our famous forefathers, the Roman Republic, did:

  1. Raise enlistment terms to 20 years
  2. Promise soldiers all the booty they can carry and a plot of land in one of the newly-conquered territories when they get out,
  3. and American citizenship for themselves and their families once their term of duty is finished. (This should be very popular with the Mexicans out there!).
This plan worked quite well for the Romans for several hundred years. The only problem is that, as David points out, in the end it didn't work for the Romans. They ended up hiring mercenaries from Mexico.. sorry, Germany, with promises of Roman citizenship, and after they had trained them to fight, they sometimes changed sides which led to the sacking of Rome under Alaric the Visigoth - formerly trained as a Roman officer.

But hey, look, that's the future. Why, I don't imagine the Mexicans will sack Washington D.C. for another couple hundred years under my proposal! Surely nobody cares what happens after you and I are dead and gone, right? Right?! After all, if anybody cared about THAT, we wouldn't be running up trillion-dollar deficits and everybody just shrugging and saying "No problemo!" about it, right?

Look: If we're going to be an empire, we better darn well start *acting* like one! None of these half-measures!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 3/17/2005 04:50:00 PM  


Can we crucify the Christians too? Maybe we can get some lions.
# posted by TJ : 18/3/05 8:07 AM  

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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.

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"Keep fighting for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce." -- Molly Ivins, 1944-2007 "The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men."

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