Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Ideas needed for new debtor's prisons

Our brave Massah Bush, fresh from his victory over The Left in the 2004 election (funny, I didn't know The Left was running, but what do I know?) has been looking for new ways to crack the whip over the darkies (and whities too) who toil on his American plantation. Looks like he found a new way -- Debt bondage, which Slavery International says is the most common form of slavery today.

The cornerstone of Massah Bush's new plan for rewarding his campaign contributors and putting the little people in their place is simple: "Bankruptcy Reform". See, this way Massah Bush and his fellow wealthy Americans will be able to shield their wealth in expensive mansions and trusts, but you peons, well, you know you deserve to work as slaves for your betters anyhow, right? Don't worry, the law provides for that -- you won't be able to declare bankruptcy, instead, you will be a slave to your debtors for the rest of your life, even if it is a debt that you didn't ask for, like horrific medical expenses not covered by insurance (the most common cause of bankruptcy).

But it is expected that a lot of people will refuse to be slaves, so of course now we will need to bring back debtor's prisons, where people who refuse to work for their massahs can be incarcerated in order to pay back their debt. It's called "contempt of court" nowdays -- if you fail to make your payments and the court decides that you can pay, you're sent to jail, and you are presumed guilty until proven innocent. Now, in the old days, those interned in debtor's prisons raised vegetables or carded wool or otherwise did things of that nature in order to earn money to pay for their room and board and repay their creditors. But in today's world, we have Mexicans for that kind of stuff. So this penguin helpfully looked at the Bush Administration's previous record when it comes to running prisons, and came up with some new money-making activities for the inmates of our new debtor's prisons:
Christmas Tree -- we can rent out our new debtors as Christmas trees for Massah Bush's friends and relatives! Gives new meaning to the phrase, "live Christmas trees", note especially how the electrical cords hook up!
Cheerleaders! Entertain your family and friends with your very own pile of naked cheerleaders! Why do something boring like, say, hire a stripper, when you can have your very own slave cheerleading squad to be the life of the party? (Prison guards not included.)
Jeff Gannon's sex slave! Every male prostitute needs a male prostitute, after all, especially when you've traded in your call boy outfit for a presstitute outfit.
Pet. Be the only one on your block with your own pet slave! Dogs and cats are like, so, yesterday, y'know? C'mon, get with the program, nobody who is anybody is anything without his or her own pet slave to lead around on a leash and feed kitty kibble!

The possibilities are limitless! Why, it makes this penguin's flippers flap with glee, just thinking of all the ways we can use the new slaves in America's new debtor's prisons...

- Badtux the "Slavery is the new American Value!" Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 3/09/2005 10:13:00 PM  


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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.

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