Badtux the Snarky Penguin

In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin.

Religious fundamentalists are motivated by the sneaking suspicion that someone, somewhere, is having fun -- and that this must be stopped.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Friday Cat Killer Blogging

Hi, Bubba the Southern Penguin here, fillin' in fer my cousin BadTux. I understand that them thare LIE-berals haves this "Friday Cat Blogging" tradition thingy. Since us right-wing penguikns ain't gonna do nuthin' like them thare Satan-worshippin' types, I figger we needs us a new kinda tradition, so I got one: Friday Cat Killer Blogging. Today's Friday Cat Killer: Senator Bill Frist.

To quote Bill Frist's autobiography:

Yessirree, Senator Bill Frist (Republican representing Hospital Corporation of America) is a fine, fine man, and we'uns down here in Jesusland definitely appreciates him!

Hey, Darlene? Whare's my beer, NASCAR reruns are comin' on! Err, hold it, gotta go smack that woman around some more, she been getting some of them thare IDEARS from them LIE-berals and ain't been doin' for me like Jesus sez to do...

Blogging from the Heartland,
Bubba the Southern Penguin

Posted by: BadTux / 3/25/2005 12:49:00 PM  


You're watchin' NASCAR reruns, Bubba?! Good Gawd, y'all gone mad on us, er whut?! Git yer mutherfuckin' ass in that pick-up an' git on down here -- we gon' have us a hootenanny! Then we 'gon git togither with Jethro, Hooter, Elmo, Billy Jack, and Goatdicker an' have us a reeel guud taahm! (An' y'all better remember to bring the mutherfuckin' condoms -- poor Elmo's still pissin' razor blades from the last time...)
# posted by Mimus Pauly : 25/3/05 11:59 PM  

Son, you makin' fun of us redneck penguins? First of all, a "hootenanny" ain't redneck, that's what them hillbillys up in Tennessee might do, we have our get-togethers down here in NASCAR-land where we get a band out to play bluegrass and gospel music but they sure ain't called "hootenannies", 'cause they ain't got no dancing. Second of all, this here's the 21st century, Pauly-boy (or is that Pauly-girl? Snicker!). We'uns got SATELLITE TEE-VEE! Which means we can watch NASCAR year-round on SpeedTV, when we're not listening to NASCAR year-round on The NASCAR Channel on XM Radio, when we ain't takin' the General Lee out to the Boothill Speedway to race her against other folks' General Lee (well sheeeIT, that gives you 'nuff info to know where I's located, almost!).

And as for that pissin' razor blades thing, take Elmo down to the public health clinic, they'll fix him up. This here's the 21st century, after all!

Let's face it, you damnyankees is just IGNORANT about us red state penguins. "Hootenanny" indeed. SNORT! Y'all might have won the War of Northern Aggression, but you's STILL a bunch of poopy-heads!

- Bubba the Southern Penguin
# posted by Anonymous : 26/3/05 7:54 AM  

Mr. Bubba,
Bein' a Yankee, I can't for the life of me understand this fascination with NASCAR. Who wants to sit around and watch other folks go fast? Shit, on the radio, I'd imagine that it sounds like nothin' so much as a mosquito hovering by your ear. In contrast, takin' the General Lee over to the speedway for some pick up races sounds a Hell of a lot more exciting, but still no where near in the same league as shooting up an armload of crystal on a Monday night. And Monday's are slow around here: all there's to do is wander up and down the street tryin' to figure out the secret pattern in the license plate numbers of the cars parked there.

# posted by Anonymous : 26/3/05 11:28 AM  

Son, you gotta know about things like tires and engines and restrictor plates'n'stuff before you can enjoy NASCAR. Not to mention every racer's individual points standing, how they performed in the pre-race heats, what their particular location in the starting gate means about the strategies they'll use, etc. It's like baseball, kinda, where if you don't know the rules'n'stuff it's just a bunch of grown men in tight uniforms standing around scratching their crotches and spitting, with a ball for some reason occasionally being thrown around or hit with a big toothpick. Oh sure, once the race starts it's about as exciting as that thare sissy Yankee sport of y'all's, soccer (which I unnerstand them thare furriners fer some reason call "football", but hey, if they wuz smart, they'd be Amurricans, right?!), but anyhow... if you think NASCAR is boring, that just means you're a damnyankee DOODY-HEAD, not that NASCAR is boring!

-- Bubba the Redneck Penguin
# posted by Anonymous : 28/3/05 9:40 PM  

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I am a black and white and yellow multicolored penguin making his way as best he can in a world of monochromic monkeys.

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